What were you wearing? A project to end victim-blaming

Trigger warning: These true stories are difficult for anyone to hear, especially victims/survivors of sexual violence.

“What were you wearing?” is one of the most common questions victims of sexual violence endure. It suggests that somehow the victim could have prevented their assault. It is never the victim’s fault. To combat victim-blaming, 360 Communities recently launched a campaign to collect stories from survivors and present them along with the clothes they wore at the time of their assault. 


With our “What were you wearing?” project, 360 Communities seeks to dispel the myth that the clothes a person wears can invite sexual violence. We want to shift the focus back to where it belongs: the perpetrator. We asked for victims/survivors of sexual assault to share their experiences anonymously to help us do this. 

The stories they submitted are heart-breaking and reflect what the sobering statistics tell us:



Sexual violence is prevalent.
It frequently happens to children.
Most do not report the crime.

View our video "We Believe You."
Please comment and share. Thank you!

[Catseye]

“Was it really my fault?”
asked the Short Skirt.
“No, it happened with me too, ”
replied the Burka.
The diaper in the corner couldn’t even speak.

-Darshan Mondkar

[Thescooped]

It’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault.

It’s. Not. Your. Fault.

[sarchiba]

People need to understand that sexual assault is not sex. It is violence, and an act done in order to humiliate, take control, or overpower another, just like any other act of violence. If someone was stabbed in the neck, we would not say it was their fault that their neck was on display to stab.

[eg-draw]

My mother said "oh it doesn't count as a rape, you didn't struggle and he was your boyfriend".
Just think about it.
I. Didn't. Struggle. Enough. For her.

[atree]

It really hurts when people don't take spousal or partner rape seriously. I've heard people say that they 'owe' sex to each other before, and it is so sad.

[Aaron-kpkp]

I hate how people say “But weren’t you dating?” Assault is assault.

[asyaneris]

"What were you wearing?"


*"What were they thinking?"*

[derpmanthefirst]

Being married doesn't automatically give consent.

Dating doesn't automatically give consent.

Being nice doesn't automatically give consent.

Wearing more revealing clothes doesn't automatically give consent.

[allie]

I was assaulted by my own classmate, twice, while wearing a school uniform. I will never forget what he did.

[theclue]

The fact that most of them are kids, is how bad our society is..DO BETTER!!

[mycatisoncraq]

The fact a freaking 11 year old tried over dosing after being assaulted just shows how embarrassed and ashamed they must have felt even when it was not their fault. I hope they find some comfort. And that their family and friends helped them❤❤❤

[notaboomertree]

Saying "what were you wearing" is not only victim blaming, it also actively supports SA and rape
Saying "what were you wearing" is DEFENDING the perpetrator; saying there was a reason for them to do it and justifying it

CLOTHES do not make a difference
GENDER does not make a difference
It is never a victims fault, and anyone can be a victim, anyone can be a perpetrator
It isnt just female victim male perpetrator

Edit: some people in the replies; rape isn't about how attracted the perpetrator is to the victim, its about how much power they hold over the victim and taking advantage
Wearing ANYTHING will not make a difference, no matter how much or how little you're covered because it isn't about LOOKS, it's about POWER. It's about the perpetrator seeing the victim as an object they have power over.

Edit 2: jordan Hester is either a troll or a braindead child

[dontcall_donttext]

DONT ONLY PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN.

[turqussy]

The cross country one makes me SO mad. He didn’t receive punishment just because she MAYBE flirted over text?! The school also had the AUDACITY to ask what she was wearing. ITS NOT THE VICTIMS FAULT IN ANY SITUATION!

[_ly_]

"It was my fault?" The mini skirt asked.
"No. It happened to me too" answered the burka.
"But I don't understand, " said the primary school uniform.
"No one does, " the long pants responded.
And the diaper in the corner didn't even know how to speak yet.

[athena]

I was wearing a matching set of pajamas. My step dad had invited me to watch a movie. I was 11.
I had to face him in court
It’s never the victims fault.

[ANAKlN_]

It honestly shouldn’t matter what they’re wearing. Women (and men) should be able to wear whatever they want without worry of being assaulted, and even thinking that it was their fault is disgusting

[scronkzz]

"just because someone is your partner doesn't mean they have access to your body anytime they want"

oh my gosh YES this is so important

[mackeylin]

You have no idea how liberating those words were to me. “Sexual assault is NEVER the victim’s fault.” When I was 6, my cousin molested me during a family party. He led me away to a dark room, promising me candy after we play a game. He said we were going to be playing “doctor”. He undressed me and wiped his fingers down the sides of my crotch and sniffed them. Then, he led me to the shower room where he repeatedly told me to close my eyes. I didn’t know what was going on. But I was scared. Very, very scared. So I acted upon my instincts, and I opened my eyes and yelled for him to stop. If it wasn’t for a family member calling for us, I’m sure he would have orally raped me. He continued to haunt me throughout my years. When I was 14, he asked if I was wearing anything underneath my skirt during a memorial service for my grandpa. Unfortunately, he wasn’t my only predator. When I was 10, a guy at church began to stalk me. He would tell the other little kids that I would become his wife, and he would try to get me to sit on his lap and give him kisses. I can’t tell you how alarming it was to have him pop up from behind a tree or a door every time I was playing hide and seek or tag with the other children. I didn’t know where else to hide; kids weren’t allowed upstairs during prayer time with the adults, so I would crawl into a ball under a tablecloth. He would call my name, circling the short tablecloth. He knew I was there. And then, he would drag me out by my feet or wrap his hands around my breasts and drag my squirming and kicking form. Somehow, he even got a key to the bathroom door. He would unlock it when I was using the potty and corner me in the shower, unrelenting until I satisfied him with kisses. It wasn’t until I briefly mentioned to my grandma that this guy kept wanting me to hold his hand and give him kisses were they able to put an end to it. My mom even found that the wallpaper of that creep’s phone was a picture of me! To this day, I still have to remind myself that I am in a safe space. Because my confessions were initially denied and dismissed, it took years for me to finally tell someone again. This is only the second time I have ever spoke about my experience.

[izzy]

its like blaming someone for being killed because they were out past 9pm