The Only Two Questions to Repair a Relationship

How can we prevent damage in our relationships? To start with we can regularly ask our partners two ostensibly simple yet hugely central and effective questions…

FURTHER READING

“Relationships get damaged; every day brings with it small challenges - disappointments, frustrations, and irritations - that can come between even the most committed lovers and subtly wear away at the sincerity of their connection.

To prevent the risks, lovers should regularly make room to ask themselves - in a calm spirit of gentle openness and curiosity - two ostensibly simple yet hugely central and effective questions:

What are you angry with me about?

How have I scared you recently?”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Gemma Green-Hope

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

[theschooloflifetv]

If your partner were to ask you these two questions, what would be your answer? Let us know in the comments

[frankjuuh]

I asked my ex once: "Do I scare you sometimes?", because I sometimes felt she was fearful of telling me about things that were bothering her, and it resulted in a tearful emotion breakdown in the middle of the night. I feel like that could've been prevented if I'd asked that question way sooner and frequently.

[agnesagni]

I wish these questions were regularly used in parent-child relationship as well.

[hongsamwine]

This reminds me of an episode I had with my mum recently. She made me really upset when she made a nasty comment about my body, despite knowing how insecure I am about it. When I tried to help her understand why it hurt me, even if it wasn’t her intention, she simply wouldn’t budge. And that scared me; that my mother, whom I’ve adored and yearned for affection from all these years, would choose her ego over properly mending her relationship with her daughter. It’s not the antecedent that upsets me anymore, it’s the aftermath of her reaction that has truly broken my heart.

[jeraldbaxter]

I have found, with so many School of Life videos that deal with romantic relationships, that the observations and advice apply equally well to platonic relationships of all types.

[shannonbest]

This works really well when both parties love and respect each other. Narcissists, Machiavellians, psychopaths, and sociopaths may see these questions not as a repair, but as an opportunity to be manipulative.

[jerrykoh]

It's always about anger and fear. The two most potent emotions underlying every negative event in a relationship. They all build up insidiously until it got so big we wonder how we got here and then all tumbles down. Great video as always fam. ♥️ ❤❤

[Iwinhahak]

Tried and it worked. Great way to open up a dialogue with your partner in a constructive manner. The hardest part is definitely taking the first step.

[thebesttheworst]

This works brilliantly until ... *You can't reason with an unreasonable person*

[MegaSoubhik]

I can say, without a doubt, that this is one of the best youtube channels out there in the entirety of the platform, making better the lives of the viewers and their friends and loved ones. Great work, as always!

[Steven-dtnu]

My wife and I have issues, but luckily we communicate our issues pretty quick. Been working for over ten years. 😂

[zorperunchained]

this video is so sweet.. the little thread, clay and paper animations are comforting for their organic nature
i also like that the f word and middle finger were shown without being blurred or covered with stickers. our feelings are real and not to be ashamed of.

[ElowenFaye]

What about "How did I make you sad"? Since disappointed expecations can also result in sadness rather than only anger. I really feel this is missing here. What do you guys think about it?

[DEADFUTUREK]

I come to this channel whenever I feel like maybe I want a partner. I always leave happy that I’m single cause all this seems awful and way too much to deal with :3

[TheDavebox]

I really appreciate the similitude with the maintainance to fix a device mentioned at 2:33: really suitable, simple, and clear. I wish I had known it earlier in my life

[nibbonbon]

Even though, these questions are so very important in a relationship. My boyfriend and I have made it important that we communicate when something isn't going right. And it's SO refreshing!

[AcumenQuotes]

"It's impossible to overestimate the value of a first step."


A QUOTE I WON'T FORGET.

[lesliewit]

I think this is very good advice for people who not only have a genuine interest in making a relationship work, but also are emotionally mature enough to be present in these situations.

[Skargar]

This is very smart! Behind the questions is:
How am I failing to change for the better? (And thus create anger)
How have I changed unpredictably? (And thus scare you?)
By solving these we can manage any change in a relationship.

[yellowberrio]

These are two seemingly simple yet absolutely great questions. And I feel like it can help cover a lot of ground in terms of the many different things that can be going wrong in a relationship. I really want to send him this video but I just don't know if he's gonna be open-minded & accepting enough to actually make use of it..