Best Kissing Tips - Tips From A Sex Therapist

Are your kissing skills up to scratch? Or has it been a few years (or decades) since you last researched how to be an excellent kisser.

A lot of us feel a little insecure about our kissing technique. Or maybe you feel confident in your own ability, but you don't like the way your partner kisses...

There's a lot of sex advice out there about oral sex technique and sex positions, but you rarely hear discussions of kissing technique! So this week, we're going back to basics and talking all about how to be great kisser.

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If we haven’t met before, hi! We’re Vanessa and Xander Marin, and we’ve been together since 2007. Vanessa’s a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience in the sex therapy field. Xander’s a regular dude who’s here to show you that you don’t need a graduate degree or license to have extraordinary intimacy. We co-authored the New York Times best selling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, and we have a business that helps couples keep the spark alive in long-term relationships.

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[LilNuggzzz]

I’m not sure why this showed up on my recommended. But I’ll take a hint.😂

[scottgray]

Lots of great tips! One thing I would've added in the "Take Breaks" section is verbal communication - it doesn't have to be full-on "dirty talk", but I find quiet whispers in between kisses to be incredibly arousing, at times.

[bekind]

TIMESTAMPS

2:37 THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON’T LIKE DURING KISSING
3:02 Too much tongue
3:27 Pursed lips
3:42 Fish lips
3:57 Eyes opened
4:14 Bad breath
4:40 Dry lips
5:02 Going too fast
5:28 Teeth
5:54 Feeling like kissing has to lead to more

6:30 GOOD KISSING TIPS
6:35 Be gentle and start slow
7:06 Be present
7:23 Pay attention to your partner’s cues
7:53 Use tongue sparingly
8:35 Gradually increase the intensity

9:06 SPECIFIC FEEDBACK ABOUT THINGS PEOPLE ENJOY ABOUT KISSING
9:08 Switch which lip you’re focusing on
9:30 Switch the positions of the head
9:43 Nibbling on the lips
10:02 Running the tongue along their lips
10:10 Don’t forget about the hands
10:47 Kiss other places too
10:54 Eye contact
11:31 Breathe together

[bellapullman]

First time I kissed, I was drunk and gagged because of the tongue. I had my second kiss with my boyfriend a few months ago and was so nervous. It was very awkward the first time but now it's amazing and I love it. It makes a huge difference when you like the person on the other end 😅

[ceciliadube]

I started dating this other guy a month ago and OMG the way he kisses me is out of this world…His kissing techniques are the best❤❤I wouldnt want anything more or less from what im getting 🥰🥰

[DwerbHD]

Here's a tip, watch the video at 1.75x speed

[mkmcu]

You guys are so awesome. I love your truthfulness and how you open up about so many things. I'm 64 and a widow. My husband has been passed 4 yrs now. I met a great guy through a friend. We are going slow, but I love the intimate way he kisses and how he loves to hold me. He may be a keeper...Thanks to both of you, for making this fun, and taking some fear away, as I start this new journey in my life. You both are great. I enjoy how you can really tell that you love each other....my husband and I chose not to have children also. CONGRATS to all of us who love furbabies. Take care you two. I never miss one of your shows. Great work!

[chrisrobby]

Long, slow kisses that last two days are great.

[alirak]

I really think one of the most important part in relationships, including sexual is communication. Get that feedback from your partner. Tips or no, ppl are all different. It should be normalised to ask - did you like that? Should we change it up? Is it okay for me to do X during Y, etc. After all, if you can do it, you should be able to talk about it. It should also be an equal exchange, so finding the compromise that both partners enjoy is important.

[amyreay]

My husband and I have been married for over 31 years. We got together 39 years ago. That's lots of time to learn about kissing lol. Thing that I would say is don't over think it too much. If you are spending a lot of time thinking about technique rather than actually enjoying the kiss then maybe you are kissing the wrong person. That is not to say that we don't need to keep things fresh. We do. But while kissing enjoy it!

[maxf.]

It took me like two years to just search for tips
Idk why I was so foolish
Asking for advice on such things really does get harder the older you get

Thx for the content
Helped a lot

[alicemakarevich]

Listening to this gave me a lot of confidence. Apparently I'm using most of these tips

[May-qbvx]

My phone gives me this just as I’m an anxious mess. I’m 25 and have never been kissed (never had a bf really) and I’ve been seeing someone now and they’re a little older than me. I’m such a nervous wreck because I haven’t gotten my bad kisses out of the way in my teen years. There’s so much pressure since the expectation by the 20’s to have more experience in that department. I’m a grown woman but I might as well be 14 in this department.

[alicia]

Yup! I know about Tiger Beat magazine. I definitely appreciate slow, passionate kissing, but I like to ramp it up every now and again to keep things interesting.

[C.R.]

I would add to not trap the person you are kissing. This sounds obvious, but I've experienced it with nearly every kissing partner I've had in my life. They pull you in with a hand on the back of the head or lean you against a wall, etc. and then kiss but there's not even an inch to pull away for a breath or anything. It always makes me feel anxious and trapped. I think the idea gets in a lot of men's (in my experience) heads that it's romantic or passionate or something when in reality, it ruins the whole experience.

[geunyooknyuh]

Kissing can be rough for me because of my really small lips. Not only do I feel self conscious the entire time, but I feel like having small lips impacts my ability to kiss! These tips help!

[Mahrimae]

“Fish” lips or lips that are too slack… or being too fast or slow… these aren’t things to fix (and I know you guys don’t think this way, but the format makes it hard to cover everything in one shot) bit to explore. These are issues of not meeting one another where you are and matching up. It’s easy dominate the situation and force someone to follow or to become the one who always accommodates their partner or feel like that’s what’s happening. But it’s like dancing - finding someone or being someone who can meet in an agreed upon place is the goal. And it’s also okay to say you don’t want to and decide to move on. And it’s also okay not to know what you like best in which case letting another person lead till you find out what that is is good too. Everything seems to be learnable in the realm of relationship and sexuality and it’s fascinating. Thanks for the supple and stimulating content 😊

[cak]

“Tiger Beat” was popular in the 1960s, too. It was sort of the rival to “16” magazine. It covered the Beatles and the Monkees back in my day as well as a lot of the other popular 60s groups. I looked forward to buying it every month.

[thomasberridge]

Oh, and one more thing, specifically about the kissing video, is you only mentioned once about saying something to your partner. I used to think that it was weird to talk about things while kissing or having sex, but really it can heighten the experience because we respond erotically to each others' voices. Of course the tone should be soft and a little dreamy but it's ok to say things like "do you like it when ..." or "how would you like if I ..." or "Gimme some of that tongue." Let's not be shy.

[jeffayya]

I have my own few not wants

1. Bad breath- this is number 1 turn off for me. I only had two men that I had first kisses with. 1st was an ex-bf and 2nd is my husband.

I had pretty much bad first kisses experiences. The first one, yes he gave me the most connecting electrifying 1st kiss experience but dang the bad breath was bad. That after that kiss, I wake up everyday and smell my breath and notice I got his bacterias for like weeks. Like no matter how I brush my teeth, chew gums or mint, it doesn’t go away. And the same when I had my first kisses with my husband. It gives me bodily sensations and there is connection but then it’s distracting. I’m a nurse, so I’m kind of germaphobic since I saw germs from microscopes and learn about them. It also explains why I’m OCD in cleanliness and why I can’t fully function well when the house is dirty and unkept. It is not irrational. It is scientifically based. Mouth is actually the dirtiest in our body. And no kidding! And I don’t want it when my husband just had mint or something to mask it. I want my husband to really kill what is causing it. So mouthwash is a go for me. Thankfully my husband do mouthwash. If he can’t kill the cause, I still love him anyway! 😅 I mean what is bad breath compared to marriage.

2. I don’t like it when there is no electrifying connection and bodily sensations when kissing. It’s like kissing a log or a lifeless matter. It’s awfully a turn down. I like it when we’re just kissing and doesn’t have to go there.

3. I don’t like being rushed also! I want to take things slow and really feel and enjoy. I like it when my husband is trying to explore my body and me if I’m feeling him or what. I like it when his full attention is there with me.

4. I don’t like staring or wrong eye contact. I like it when his eye contact is with me even while he’s checking if I’m enjoying things or what not but I also like it when he’s closing his eyes to really feel with emotions and use the mind in giving love and receiving love even in the very act.

# I’m not claiming to be a good kisser. I don’t even know what’s the standard. I only use my experiences as the basis and as a stage for learning and improving.