Step-parent the target of alienation and how to deal

Step-parent the target of alienation and how to deal

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Duane DSD
P.O. Box 225
Edwards, CA 93523

#DSD

[LBpatriot]

I am dealing with a very similar situation. It is unbelievably painful. It’s been frustrating for a long time. Looking back, I could not have tried enough because it was never really about “me”! It all boils down to her mother’s jealousy, insecurities and extreme narcissism. I could have been anyone and still would have been treated the same. Thank you for doing this video.

[krjraider]

This is exactly what I am going through, from the mother trying to run me off, to acceptance, to my step daughter (age 13) not speaking to me. When I speak to her, her voice gets shaky and she is almost fearful. She is completely different than when we began dating before her mom knew about us. By the way her parents were split up 7 years prior to me coming into the picture, mom having been married for all 7 of those years.

[lorriecavanah]

Not only am I married into this situation but we also have a child together that is 7 years old and we have almost been married for 7 years and living together for 9 years. I have just discovered the truth of the situation I have been dealing with in the past year or 2 of our marriage. Earlier in our relationship I felt something was off but wasn't sure what. Then after so many years together I started thinking shouldn't our family be blending by now and why is the relationship with my step kids continuously getting worse over time rather than improving.

[michaelgiles]

Hi Duane great show what we have to remember that the kids are also victims in this crazy show .. and if we think about it in that way and say to ourselves we will NOT PLAY THE GAME....and do the right thing for our kids.... thanks Duane
Mick from Ireland 🇮🇪

[maryannmcleodevans]

I “know a woman” whose stepdaughter and stepson are going along with the bio-mom’s alienating narrative that she emotionally abused them. Yeah. And now they’re claiming that their dad was negligent because he didn’t protect them against her.

She has hundreds of videos, recordings, photos, cards, and letters that debunk the lie. She and her husband have been in a lawsuit that’s been going on for almost two years. Her sons have been betrayed and abandoned (now twice because their father isn’t in their lives). She and her husband have been betrayed, not only with lies filed in court(!), but also because the daughter secretly used FaceTime with her mother in their car, their home, and their camper, without their knowing. The bio-mom spied on them them for years! She never heard anything, of course, but every time the stepmother called them down to dinner or got frustrated with the stepdaughter’s behavior, everything was labeled as “abuse.” It’s insane and evil.

[lorriecavanah]

Less than a week ago the scape goated child called his father crying his eyes out and said the golden child punched him in the face because he wanted some strawberries and the golden child didn't want to share them with him but selfishly wanted the full pack of strawberries all for himself. So my husband calls the boys mother who defends the golden child and said the scape goated child started stuff he deserved it and she justified the golden childs behavior and then minimized the punching say the scape goat over exaggerated it and is too sensitive etc. Then a week and half ago was the scape goated child's birthday he got a new video game for his birthday. His father called and talked to him and the golden child wanted to setup the game for the scape goated child but he didn't want him too because he didn't want him to know his passwords and stuff because in the past his brother has manipulated his games on purpose and had him cryinh his eyes out because of it. The mother starts yelling at the scape goated child about it and taking up for the golden child and she threatened to take his birthday present away if he didn't let the golden child do what he wanted. then the phone got disconnected. This stuff happens all the time this is only 2 times of numerous times I have heard it play out over the phone. I could go on and on about how I know the oldest 15 year old is the golden child and the youngest 12 year old is scape goated.

[crystaljones]

I’m an alienated step parent as well! It’s not something I’ve seen anyone talk about.

[guiseppagubler]

Hello. After searching, tirelessly, to find information on alienating against the step parent, I found this. There’s absolutely nothing out there right now and I don’t understand why, because I know that there are so many people who have remarried in these situations. I am going through this as the stepmother to a nine-year-old stepdaughter. I met my husband when she was nine months old. She has never not remembered knowing me. At first things seem to be pretty smooth, and we didn’t see or hear much from her mother, but as she got older, the drama got worse. When my stepdaughter began to understand a little more about the lies her mother was telling her about me, I could see our relationship dwindle. When she was much younger, she would run to me and call me mommy she would prefer to come to me over her dad. It was great. Now, it’s off and on, and she most definitely goes to her father first, which is totally understandable because he is the biological parent, but there has been a drastic change in how she communicates and interacts with me. We do know that there is alienation going on against me, but she seems to still really love and want to spend time with her father. So what was said in the video makes sense that if I were to leave, she would still have her father. We are going to go to a therapist to help us navigate this. This situation has been absolutely horrible, draining and hard on me. I’ve even gotten to the point where I’ve told my husband that he needs to just take over everything involving her so that I could have time to heal and remove myself from the toxicity. If anyone else knows of any other places, I can check to listen or read about alienation against step parents, I would greatly appreciate it.

[artmeacademywiththesaltyse]

Great info. Have not had a convo with my daughter in over a year. Moved out a month ago, lots of victim chatter and promises of therapy. I’ve rebuilt myself enuff thanks to DSD to see thru the traps and move on. Thanks Duane.

[IdeologieUK]

I don’t see how this is PR, but I empathise with the lady. I would say that you and your husband must maintain a healthy home and good boundaries. My thought is the child is ignoring you to hurt the father. If that can be considered, then how exactly is his relationship with the child good, if the child won’t accept you?

I think the toxic parent is using the child to extend her poison into your hone.

The buck stops with your husband. How come he is unable to make the environment healthy in your home?

Isn’t this obvious, unless I’ve misunderstood fundamentally?

[lisabenchrif]

Thank you Duane! Our voices rarely get heard as step-parents. I struggle with anxiety of this situation and love my step kids as much as my natural children. I have watched you for a couple years now and have just become a channel member to support you. Best therapy ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please let Debbie share her advice to give the unspoken folks a voice.

[mayukosato]

I am a stepmother and I struggled finding similar information like this and I searched these type of information over and over for a long time. I researched so much, so I resonates so much with this person who sent letter here. Alas. DSD is right about that we need to set clear boundaries (Take care of yourself and do what you love, get out of house sometime as long as you need), and that child of toxic parent feels most safest towards stepparent often and we tend to be the target of some type of emotional attack. It was very difficult for me to set boundaries with my stepson even if I tried when he was going through depression and behavioral problems at our place. We went to therapy with him but it was still really a challenging experience as it almost felt like failure(I think it was still good to try taking action to stay connected with him) with false accusation towards me or my husband and often hard not to react as things are beyond imagination sometimes. It is a hard place. Put high wall not to take it personal. For me and my husband, Time is only thing can be healing when the child's behavior is almost felt like escalating.

[arfaharipin]

No wait, where’s the husband in this? He should also not allow disrespect in the home.

[JessicaAnthony]

I haven't had a conversation with my 14.5 year old stepdaughter in over a year. Haven't hugged her in almost 2 years. She is completely alienated and the level of hostility she has had over the last few years has had my husband retreat out of fear and having a need to set boundaries for the 4 younger ones (my stepson, my older son and our 2 youngest). My husband is outright afraid to keep trying with her because she is as manipulative and dishonest as the favored parent involved. My heart grieves every single day for her because some day she will realize how much she was used, lied to and manipulated in a campaign of hatred against her father purely for revenge and sick narcissistic supply.

[heathercordova]

Great video! What should we do when we start seeing the little signs of the kids having the same behaviors the narc does? Like not taking responsibility and deflection? I think it’s important to stop those things in the beginning

[kendrickking]

I’m going thru this right now. I’ve been married for 6 yrs, have 2 stepkids (age 9, 11) and they’ve been alienated by the actual father’s side of the family & have been accused of being abusive. They have even told the kids to burn my clothing, that they’re mom chose a man over them, Among other things. The courts have put the kids in the temporary custody of my wife’s mom and they are allowed only to speak with & see their mom and the actual dad. This man has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THEM. I’ve been with them their entire lives practically and it is so FRUSTRATING that a judge would rule to cut the out of the equation that the kids actually respected and loved BEFORE being talked down on and ridiculed right in front of their faces. Right the my wife tells me the my stepson told her yesterday “Mommy let him get his own food, don’t fix him anything to eat ” and she had to correct him! I have also found out that the alienating side bought the other child a phone and she’s been hiding the secret the last 3 years! I haven’t seen the kids in a month and a half. In that time, my stepson is talking back, disrespecting his grandmother now, shushing her, and listening to vulgar music. My stepdaughter has been hiding and watching porn from the time she was removed from our home! This is the affect of parental alienation and false accusations!

[ruggedlifejewelry]

It is worse when the spouse alienates you as well and defends their child's behavior in your own home and life then accuses you while at the same time the ex is verbally abusing you. You feel all alone like you're in someone else's nightmare and ostracized from what was meant to be your family. The people you took on baggage for and sacrifice for turn against you because blood is thicker than water and you get cut from the team first.

[aaronwest]

I’m the stepdad to a wonderful daughter, but I can already see her pull away. She has a great relationship with her mom and her biological father. The only problem is that both of them do little to nothing to educate her or raise her up properly. They both just want to have fun with her all the time. So I’m left holding the check and being the bad guy all the time.

I don’t want to play that role. I had a terrible childhood of neglect and absentee parents. When they were around I was constantly told I might be the anti christ (not kidding) and I was basically the source of all the families problems by age 10.

Needless to say my upbringing scarred me as an adult, created a lot attachment issues in my head. I don’t do well being the bad guy, I’d much rather be the fun one, but I worry about my step daughter’s education and upbringing if I did what they did and just focused on fun all day.

[personperson]

"They are now allergic to the sun..." Ha. Yup, totally allergic to the sun now, poor poor kids, what will they ever do.

[Mysticus]

Just bear in mind when ur talking about non biological parents that there are many ‘actual parents’ who happen to be non biological parents (IVF dads, same sex and adoptive parents) 🦋