AITA For Not Allowing My Stepson 12 To Live With Us?....- Reddit Family

AITA For Not Allowing My Stepson 12 To Live With Us?....- Reddit Family
--------
AITA For Not Letting My StepSon 12 Live With Us? I Don't Want Anyone To Interfere In My Life And The Child Is Unnecessary In My Marriage.
--------
A mother of two boys (10 and 5) faces the challenge of integrating her fiancé's 12-year-old son into their family. As their wedding approaches, the stepson expresses a desire to live with them, longing for a genuine family dynamic with siblings and parental figures.

The fiancé supports his son's wish, believing it will positively impact his son's personal growth. However, the mother has reservations based on her observations during weekends the boy spends at their home. She notices a strained relationship between the 12-year-old and her younger son, and a competitive streak towards her older son. Additionally, the boy struggles academically and behaviorally, raising concerns about his potential influence on her children.

Both the fiancé and the mother’s own mother believe that bringing the boy into their home could provide him with the stability and support he needs. They argue that a united family environment could greatly benefit the stepson.

The mother reflects and realizes she may have been overly protective of her own children, failing to see things from her stepson's perspective. She acknowledges her responsibility to help him with his behavior and school performance.

In a significant turning point, the mother talks to her fiancé and agrees to let the stepson live with them. They decide to move to a new house so each child can have their own room, and start working on gaining custody of the boy. They avoid discussing discipline initially to ensure he feels unconditionally accepted, but agree to address it soon.

The story highlights the challenges and rewards of blending families, emphasizing the importance of empathy, communication, and mutual support.
----------
#redditfamily #reddit #familyrelationships

[SolluxDivide]

"The child is unnecessary in my marriage" its a package deal, just like you and your kids. I wonder if these people even have a sliver of moral consciousness

[trinder]

So he has to take on her kids full time but she doesn't want his kid around full time

[kozmatheclown]

This step mom sounds like she's never seen a 12 year old boy in her life. Pretty much all of what she just described is normal 12 year old boy behavior. She sounds like she'd be the pettiest mom ever. I'd hate to be that kid.

[vinfinity]

Take your own child to the Bathroom- at 5 you can take him to the Ladies- and at any age really. Why would you put that responsibility on a minor? They are in need of protection also. Step Monster.

[Sienna]

YTA- Jesus Christ, where to I start! He’s a twelve year old boy, of course he’s competitive. As an only child, I can confirm that it’s a huge change to go from an only child to a three child household. Not everyone is good at academics- I suck at math, science, and gym. But I’m great at History and art, and I’m decent at English. OP should be taking her five year old to the bathroom- why is it the twelve year old’s job? OP’s just lazy. I bet that she wants the kid there to be a free babysitter for the five year old. Admit it OP, you just hate him! I can see OP favoring her sons. Her admission of guilt felt rather forced and she was trying to convince us that she cares for him. I’m not buying it!

[quantumphysics]

this woman is going to neglect and mistreat her stepson and when he inevitably becomes troubled and traumatized from it she'll act like it's his fault and he was always a bad seed. and by the sound of things, she'll have his father convinced as well. NO ONE who's THIS confident they're properly treating/treating all kids equally, is actually treating them properly/equally, *ever*.

[esmereldaclovington]

This poster is not mature enough to be getting married to a man with his own children. She's just not set up for it.

[deathdrivesapontiac]

The thumbnail: wow wtf, how is that even a question?
Don’t get hitched to someone who already has a kid. People these days are so selfish and it’s the children who suffer.

[DeidresStuff]

So, in other words...he's a 12 year old boy.

[axel]

I'm glad that this is most likely fake.
If not, may god help that poor boy with this step-monster.

[Wally]

1st story: OP’s attitude is a huge red flag. Her boyfriend needs to run far, far away…and fast. Definitely an AH. Even though she has changed her stance and is “welcoming” the boy, her wording sounds clinical and cold.

[tatyanicktheone]

First of all, YTA. Why you deserve to live with your children but not your husband? Do you understand you're not the only one who loves their kids? It's actually the norm to love your children and want to be with them. Secondly, do you realize that real siblings from the same set of parents can demonstrate this type of behavior? Like, oldest are usually competitive as they're used to living being the center of attention and having all resources to themselves. Your own kids are 10 and 5 and you just didn't have a chance to see this dynamic, but if they had 1-2 y difference you'd see it sooner. And they're boys! Have you seen boys of the same age group play together in a playground? This boy needs real family and a lot of care to be taught to behave and react otherwise. And finally, when children have problems learning or behaving at school it's usually a sign their living conditions and parents have to be checked. If the parents don't care, don't spend enough time, are a**sive or dysfunctional it all leads to lacking academic success, especially in pre-teen years. And now you want to deprive this boy of his chance to succeed in school. Exactly having a loving and caring family with a calm atmosphere can tell on his learning positively without even a lot of effort. And maybe he teases your son after winning because he lacks at school and it's his time to shine. It's the parents' job to explain that he can get joy in helping his siblings succeed or that he has 2 years advantage and be more supportive to the kid who lost. You lack empathy yourself so i really doubt you'll succeed in teaching this boy how to be empathetic...

[Elizabeth-gyou]

God! His mother rejected him to have another family and the fact that he acts like any other kid, and has trauma…. You’re thinking! He also needs therapy!

[akelly]

Has to be remembered that this is an only child. He’s never shared his dad or house or time with siblings. Sharing is something taught very young with siblings, helping younger siblings too but he has never experienced that and has to be taught (not just told, explain why you are asking him to do it and that this is what growing up with siblings is like.) Also if he is not doing so well academically (perhaps it’s not a strength for him) this could also be why he celebrates (or crows over) Victories in other areas when he is better or wins etc.

[AelaLoves]

Story 1: Yep..Op kind of the AH >.>.. at least she realized after everyone told her. Story 2:"Nah Nah nah.. Your soon to be ex's child is a demon. She hurt you, and your kid and the husband doesn't see this is wrong?? He's a horrible Parent. Why the hell didn't you nip this in the bud when your kid got hit by another kid IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. I Would have kicked Husband and Stepdaugher both out the same ff--ing day. Hell no.

[hollywu]

OP is a bad mom, parentifying and painfully not accepting that another son could be better in some aspects than her own.
BUT. I respect her views. And with views like that sje should not marry anyone.

[randyl]

YTA. And if you have shred of decency you will cancel the marriage plans. Your going to suk as a step mother. I know this from personal experience as I was the unwanted step son when my father married the female.

[beverlythacker]

I wouldn’t marry you! So you want your kids to be around, but not his son. Your step son is NOT YOUR BABYSITTER!

[vanessalewis]

Yea, no, keep this piece far away from this child.

[MathildaFlow]

Yta for getting into a relationship with someone who has a child with that attitude.