Do I Have to Obey My Parents When I’m an Adult, Too?

"Honor thy Father and thy Mother."

We know from our youth that we are called to obey our parents as commanded by the 4th Commandment. But what about once we're grown and out of their home?

Today Fr. Mike doles out some advise for adult children on what obedience and respect for one's parents looks like and what the Catechism of the Catholic Church has to say about this relationship.

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[howelldavis]

I’m in my 20s and have started to see my parents in a much different light. They were so abusive when I was younger and we’ve been trying to heal together but now when I look at them I don’t see my parents, I see 2 people who had hard lives and anger problems, inner turmoil and personal demons. When I see them I just see people, tired, aging and desperate to repair a relationship they think was too damaged to come back from. But I’m starting to forgive them, slowly day by day and I know I’ll always have my walls up to protect myself from possible future abuse but I know they’re trying and that’s what really matters to me now as an adult. I’ll be honest though, I don’t have a lot of respect for them after everything they did but I’m trying to teach myself to be the bigger person and show respect for my elders. It’s difficult.

[hilaryxko]

I am so thankful for my parents, God granted me a 1 hour and 30 minutes talk with my father on the phone with me telling him I forgive him for everything he had said and done to me and I hope he forgive me too, it was a deep healing moment and he died couple days later


I serve a merciful God

[Immortalsouls]

I had a whole fallout from my family in 2018. I was moved out of home, parents tried cancelling my wedding.. they didn't approve of my wife. Tried controlling me narcissistically. All my siblings turned against me and my wife for no reasons but hate & they're supposed to be Catholic. My mum being the instigator narcissist. I always respected my parents, but from the moment I moved out of home my life became a living nightmare with my immediate family. It got so toxic that I could not visit my parents anymore. I felt extreme emotional anxiety. Couldn't handle being in their presence. My wife & I went to Catholic counselling about it, and her advice was we had to stay away. And the counsellor said our case was the worst she had ever heard. It's a very complex situation & my parents would not let up no matter what. I offer up all my struggles and difficulties with it all to Jesus Christ at the Altar.

[joannarnkids]

Please pray for my dad. He lives in a gated community in CA, has mild to moderate Alzheimer’s. He’s 90 years-old and I’m afraid I’ll never see him again! There’s a couple where he lives who are stealing from him! They’ve taken over his life and we can’t get past the guards at the gate in order to see him. I’m devastated. I have prayed and prayed regarding this situation. I’m trying to honor my father’s last years, but I can’t even call him, they’ve taken his phone. The police won’t help. Adult Protective Services has been called @ 7 times, by his doctor, his bank and myself. I need your prayers. Thank you 🙏.

[animula]

It also says for parents not to provoke their children to anger because that causes problems too. It’s more one of those things that make sense to everyone but still take wisdom and virtue to practice them. Sadly everything good in life requires virtue to do or acquire. I guess we better just accept that and try to gain virtue so we can have good relations and nice things 🤷‍♀️

[felicityengel]

This literally COULD NOT have come at a better time. Thank you Lord for always speaking to me through Fr.Mikes videos😊

[ribbit]

I wish my parents were still around for me to listen to them
Appreciate what you have while you have it

[ChildofGod]

My greatest happiness in life comes from following Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. So I’m keeping faith in him. As a single mother things tend to be difficult on me. My husband passed years ago so I’m alone. I’m overwhelmed because both of my children are autistic and non verbal. I’m struggling trying to support them and myself. I lost my job as a social worker at Forsyth because I declined the vaccine. I declined because of my pre existing health condition lupus and heart disease. I was denied my medical/religious exemption. I wish I could go back to the hospital but the mandate is still in place for hospitals that participate in Medicare and Medicaid. I’m waitressing and I’m so thankful to be working again, but I’m not making nearly enough to make ends meet. I’m so discouraged and ready to give up because I receive so much hate for sharing my testimony. But God gives me strength to keep me going. I’m so tired of struggling trying to pay bills. Every month is a struggle, to not end up on the streets. It’s embarrassing and overwhelming! But God doesn’t gives us anything we can’t handle! I have faith God will provide. He HAS THIS FAR. WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! I BELIEVE!

[jamesmcadams]

As a man in my 50’s experiencing the joys of purchasing my mom’s house for her to remain in, I appreciate this video.

[Meira]

Without going into too much detail, I have a neighbor who is 53, never married but educated and she was not given the things she needed to navigate life on her own. This is not in the US, btw. A situation has arisen with our mutual landlady, who should be contacting me and one other tenant who are affected by it. She chooses to speak only to this neighbor as she is about 150 Km away. Thinking about it, just before I started watching this video, I realized that while my mother wasn't a nice person and really resented the fact that I wasn't her mini-Me, she equipped me to face life on my own and for that I was grateful.

[petraheveroch]

Wish you talked about toxic narcissistic families too

[Sheilamarie]

I adore my parents, God Bless them and you too, Father. I am reading the Bible In a Year with you just now, and hope to finish by next month. What a blessing you are, Father! Thank you for your ministering to us, always great messages! I am taking your Catechism course at the first of next year, what a blessing it is and I thank you, Father for this, too!

[MikePasqqsaPekiM]

I love this advice, and I love the reminder how amazing the catechism really is. Such an incredible document. As a convert, I never expected the catechism to be one of my favorite discoveries of the faith.

[jacobh]

I’m all for respecting my parents, and taking care of them in their age, but now that I’m an adult, living in my own house, I won’t allow them to make my decisions for me, and I won’t let them tell me that I can’t do something that I wanna do. Just because you’re a mother or father, doesn’t mean you can keep telling me what to do. I’m 22, so I’m smart enough to know what’s good and what’s bad for me.

[anta]

In Ephesians it talks about children obeying parents and in general to honor parents. Back in biblical times people stayed under their father's roof (authority) until they created their own household with their own spouse. At that point they went from being children having to obey the headship of the household (their parents) to being the head of their own household (husband and wife) and thus no longer required to obey but still required to honor (no expiry on honoring parents). Also, people tended to marry when still quite young. At least that's my understanding. I think, however, that we need to hear what it means to honor our parents and the different ways it takes place especially in the case of neglectful and abusive parents. My dad, for example, tried to murder my brother (because he was disabled which my dad couldn't accept). My brother went on to commit suicide. I've managed to come to terms with my own family situation. I've prayed a lot for God to help me forgive and to let go of the anger and resentment I felt towards my parents. I also prayed for my parents and helped financially when I could (they have now passed on). But I had to do this from a distance to preserve my own mental and spiritual health. Often people assume that if you have limited or no contact with your parents it's because you're not willing to forgive or are being selfish. In most cases that I know of it's to preserve your own mental health. Honoring parents shouldn't come at the expense of your own mental and spiritual health. Strong boundaries are sometimes needed (especially if you have children of your own who you need to protect from negative influences).

[CrossMetal]

Father Schmitz, you help me a lot in walking the straight and narrow, please pray for a happy catholic marriage with my love! Thank you and God bless, Father! Your advice helped me a lot to mature in the ways of the Faith in the last couple of months, I am forever grateful!

[JamesFatima]

Being 67 years old now there were difficulties stemming from conversion to the Catholic Church as a young adult. Not being Catholic and originally being unchurched but holding a typical Protestant disdain for the Church, we had to navigate through the typical objections. It got heated at times and there was a time of separation to cool off. Many, many, MANY rosaries later We finally called a truce, transcended our differences and we were able to reunite before their deaths. Here’s the big take away.

The old axiom “you can’t give what you don’t have” is critical in understanding parent/child relationships. I love my parents and realized later their skill set didn’t reach to that level. Forgiveness is important but so is knowing their limitations. So, stop with psychobabel and realize these situations require prayer, sacrifice and LOVE.

[lkofie]

Sure... who doesn't love their parents? But ABSOLUTELY... I need and want my parents (and in-laws) to understand that I am (we are) an adult with my own family now so the dynamics WILL be different because now, we're in the same role as parents.

[therese_paula]

I praise and thank God for having blessed me and my siblings with very loving parents. Respecting them naturally flows from our love for them. God bless them 🕊️🤍🙏

[michelleferrao]

Thank you Fr Mike 🌟
Brothers and sisters as children of God we are called to obey our Father in Heaven and our earthly parents.

Parents our first best friend, teacher and counsellor.

A parents love is something no one can explain
It's made up of deep devotion and sacrifice
It protects and guides us from afar
Shedding light upon us like a bright and shining star
My childhood gave me memories that will last forever.
Wiping away million tears and giving me strength when I had none and always calming my fears.
No matter how old I might get, will always seek advice from you
From family holidays to Sunday roast
To special holidays to Sunday toast
From camping trips in the rain
And we owe all our childhood memories to you🌻