The Essential Role of Male Friendships | Adam Lane Smith

In this insightful video, Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist, delves into the crucial role of male friendships in a man's life. He explains why focusing solely on romantic relationships can't fulfill all of a man's emotional needs and how male bonds can lead to personal growth, better mental health, and even enhance romantic success. Drawing from ancient wisdom, scientific research, and personal anecdotes, Adam presents a compelling case for the importance of male camaraderie.

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Chapters:

00:00 - Introduction: The Misconception About Fulfillment in Relationships
01:15 - The Ancient Icelandic Proverb and Its Modern Relevance
03:00 - Reason 1: Biological Differences in Bonding Hormones
06:00 - Personal Anecdote: The Power of Business Partnerships
07:30 - Reason 2: The Need for Male Accountability
09:00 - The Shield Wall Mentality and Its Importance
11:00 - Reason 3: Unique Male Communication Styles
13:30 - The Directness of Male Communication in Problem-Solving
15:30 - Reason 4: The Masculine Solution Network
17:00 - The Importance of Sharing Solutions and Knowledge
19:00 - Conclusion: The Power of Male Friendships and Next Steps

[barefootaquatics]

I am autistic and have adhd. Male friendships and relationships are very difficult for me. Female friendships work great and I’m not taken seriously as partner material. Now I understand why.
How do I go about developing the types of male friendships you describe when the healthy behaviors you describe feel very painful to endure?

[Stukkeman]

Friendships are a crucial domain of life. Romantic relationships are a separate domain. One is not a replacement for the other.

[pervaizm]

As a guy who has spent the last ten years in construction I can spot my coworkers who either have no friends or has friends. Their varying degrees of social skills or lack thereof is very telling of this. Also as a current student studying psychology I wish they thought this in school

Keep up the great work. This is the part where I would insult you but we are not friends yet 😂

[kennethholderness]

Thank you for helping me reconnect to the masculine solution network. You have helped me understand how far removed from myself and the connections with my son and the friendships I have neglected for way to long. Thank you again Adam.

[SpeechTherapyPractice]

I’ve been following you for like 4 years on my other account. This is my professional account and wanted to hook into your content for my fan base/viewers! Keep up the hard work! You are making a difference!

[cahtronaut]

Such brilliant advice. Will share with my network to raise awareness. Keep up the amazing work Adam!

[david]

I have been following you for about4 months you are absolutely right about male friends I am so grateful to you for putting out this information Adam. My thing as a older man with a lot of life experience is to share my knowledge with as many young men who speak with me as a trusted Confident.wisdom is knowing that iron sharpening Iron came across you because of I wanted to learn about Neuro linguistic programming. All of your videos Seem to be Like a great therapy session for me I will tell as many men as possible to watch this video Thank you

[katieackerman]

Super interesting about women not providing the roughness that men need and not understanding why men do this to other males. I have personally gone from knowing that my partner was just teasing to assuming he was just being a bully. Nice to understand the different mentality behind that

[fillyhart]

Think what Adam is trying to say is that relationship with women will be better if you spend time away from them doing things with men. Married for 40 years to wonderful man until cancer took him. He had amazing relationship with his dad, brother, sons & work mates. They would sail, fish, work on cars, bikes. I loved watching dynamic between them when women weren't around. They would tease & prank each other which women would never tolerate or understand. When women were around they would tone down language, jokes etc. Both my boys have great partners. It has to be taught to boys from older men. Thank you Adam for what you do. The title is click bait IMHO. I think good men are incredibly awesome.

[ReinhardRudd-eg]

I cannot tell you how much this video meant to me. I thought I was crazy for craving male friends, but you have helped me to see that it is not only normal, but actually how we are designed to operate.
In my world, it feels like I am the only man who feels this need though... Can I please get your view on two questions in this regard?
1) My friends tend to view friendship as the ugly step sister of relationships next to romance, and so tend to not pay much attention to spending time with men. How do I get them to see that it is important? Or do I keep looking until I find men that do?
2) In my experience (I'm not generalising, this is only in my circles) a major stumbling block to men spending time together is their wives who are overly clingy and tend to pout and get very angry if their husbands want to do anything without them, even for short periods of time (my one friend's wife will literally not let him go somewhere for one hour without her). How do I address this with them without looking like I'm attacking their marriage?

[bezoznaught]

I've been hanging out with my cousin more recently and noticed that I feel more comfortable and less anxious, we tend to do some project or a few of some sort when I go over there

[StarWarsCollective]

This is what I needed to hear today. I see it now. Thank you Adam.

[Brochacho]

Awesome video! Can you do the opposite next? The role of female friendships with other females?🙏🙏

[zymn]

Between my best friend since high school and my son, I realized that in lieu of sex, there's nothing I really need in particular from a woman, so I've been single for over two years. If I ever meet a woman that "completes" me and she feels the same, great! But I've been turning women down because they wouldn't fulfill my life, but make it more difficult, so until that magical lady comes along, I'll be single.

[Stompiix]

Hello Adam, what books would you truly recommend to understand attachment theory?

[juliettailor]

This makes a good case for same sex schools and organizations like the Boy Scouts and sports and hobbies which depend on teamwork. Plus I think friendships for life are made best in youth. I think men with healthy friendships are far less likely to be abusive to their female partners. This is true for women as well. Lots of unhealthy codependency out there.

[ronmoore]

More wise words from Mr. Smith. A lot of this still happens in Male oriented societies, like the Islamic religion, police, and firefighters. Unfortunately in todays technological and capitalistic society, we don't have tasks for men to truly bond over to build community like we used to.

[Detour-]

I’m self alienating I’ve done hanging out with my church family and did men groups. Even here I don’t a sense of belonging fully do to the lack of my understanding of trust in feed back. I trust no one and prefer not to bond with men there’s to much conflict and I don’t argue and secretly disagree.Being naked without real male has been my reality since the age of four how can you fix what GOD wouldn’t?? 20:16 I don’t need that stress anyway.

[MrLutian]

This resonates deeply with me, unfortunately, I'm one of those men who do not respond well to male friendships. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I've worked at it and improved, and I do have good male friends now, but there's scope for a much deeper connection.
Can you suggest other ways of incentivising/creating better male bonding especially where the proclivity for it isn't functioning?

[theguynextdoor]

There has to be a friendship element to a healthy relationship. But it's not a friendship per se. A relationship has as bit of everything. But friendships are friendships.