ExMormon Reacts to TLC’s Most Unbelievable Show

I’m diving headfirst into TLC’s My Husband’s Not Gay and pulling back the curtain on the shocking realities of Mormon mixed-orientation marriages and “SSA” culture.

We're talking raw insights, wild court transcripts, and the heartbreaking fallout of conversion therapy. So much heartache for a made-up belief system.

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[cesarionoexisto]

the way these bishops say to gay men "go get a wife and just deal with not being attracted to her" its really just treating this random woman as a total prop for the man's life and journey and struggle

[telercoi]

I remember reading an interview a few years ago from a (former) Mormon woman who married a gay man. She knew he was gay, they’d been best friends for years and never romantic, and decided together to get married basically to save him and be good Mormons. Their thought was they were already best friends and spent all their time together, so what would really change?

A few years into their marriage, she was crying to a friend about how she realized she would never look into someone’s eyes and see that they were in love with her. Her friend was heartbroken and said that she absolutely deserved to have that in her life. The wife then looked at her friend and went “You’re right. Also my husband deserves that too!”

They both left the church, got divorced, found men who can look at them in the eyes and love them, and are still best friends. But much happier

[emmacat]

I love how Mormons "going a little crazy" can vary from staying up late and eating cookies to a party of 300 men pairing off and cuddling

[treasuredwisp]

I just recently accepted I'm gay and lost my faith. It was my plan to live like these men, but eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not hurt a woman in that way. Now that I'm out and living in Utah, I've dated other guys who are still active members and have this same plan of eventually marrying a woman. I hate it because not only does it bring women in as accessories, it brings other gay men in like myself who start to fall for them and then they drop a bomb that it's not a real relationship, it's just fun before they move on to their "eternal companion". It's stupid that the church has convinced all of us that that's what we should do. Sorry, I'm angry at the moment.

[thatsminger]

She literally looks happier in every video. I feel like this channel is healing us all

[edgarmichael]

Former mormon who married a man who was SSA. We were both active members who were encouraged in a relationship by our bishop. Turns out he was gay. And ... well we are no longer married and I am no longer a member. Thanks for putting it out there.

[haski]

I mean, statistically some of these men might be bi & genuinely attracted to their wives, but still the self hatred they've clearly been instilled with around any same gender attraction & relationships is so sad to see.

[dramahawk]

Gay ex-mormon man here, and I want to deeply thank you for how you treated this subject. I have come across people reacting to this show on the internet before, and it really rubbed me the wrong way. While I get that it probably seems so ridiculous from an outside perspective, there is real trauma behind it that people don't really seem to get. If it weren't for some good friends that helped me come to terms with myself, I very well could have ended up on the same path as these men, and I would have been miserable every step of the way. This is an actual belief that is doing extreme harm to people like me every day. Thank you for acknowledging that harm and disputing these awful ideas in the amazingly well-researched way you always do.

[xxmerrydeathxx]

Re: the discussion about getting a new therapist. I just got a new therapist, and before going in, I made a powerpoint that had slides for basic info (age, job/relationship status, names that will come up frequently), past trauma (with notes about what I have processed in therapy already and don't need/want to talk about), and what my goals for therapy are. I made it super personalized and added gifs and memes so it was funny too. Then i brought my tablet to therapy and we went through it together. It was the best first appointment I've ever had! I didn't forget anything, and I got to control the pace and felt like she got to know my personality really well in just one session. 10/10, definitely recommend making a powerpoint

[katertran]

I sing in a gay mens chorus and one of our members is an ex-mormon, and it's genuinely so sad hearing about his life before leaving Utah. He likes to joke about it, but he only was able to reconnect with his children last year and it just breaks my heart.

[kenfeeb]

Just gotta say thanks. I'm Ex-Jehovahs Witness, and a lesbian. Discrimination is still VERY real in these communities

[scal]

Every time you show a clip of yourself from when you were still a member, I'm floored by how more vibrant and younger you look now that you're out. The deconstruction glow up is no joke.

[Tiniestwombat]

I had a bunch of members try to push a gay boy on me. Then when I asked him in private if he was gay he accused me of outing him and then the other YSA got mad at me for outing him when they already knew he was gay.

It felt really gross. He wanted me to be his house keeper and have his babies when everyone knew he would never like me like that. Also the mob and social punishment for asking him about it was not okay.

The social control and pushing in the Mormon church is so scary. I shouldn't be punished for wanting a man that actually is into me.

They YSA leader quoted that monson talk about how love doesn't matter only faith and church attendance. I told him that doesn't feel right and I am only going to marry for love which ended up being social suicide. 😑

[corimiller]

We had a couple like this in our evangelical church. He was very open about "not being attracted to women but developing an attraction to his wife". Their testimony made me so sad. It was part of us eventually leaving.

[SweetLilyLove]

I lived in an Evangelical commune for a few years and there was a lot of this sort of thing going on, gay men getting married and having kids. Needless to say there was a lot of cheating going on behind the scenes - some of it got found out, some didn't. Either way, t's a horrible way to live for everyone.

[kathykatinahat]

As a queer therapist who was raised catholic, this discussion is really hitting a nerve for me. Spirituality can be such an important part of people’s lives, but it is absolutely not the role of a therapist to use their own religious values to inform therapy. Period. Thank you for having a thoughtful discussion about this and for sharing about your experiences.

[senanurdemir]

As a bi woman with a lot of religious trauma (never mormon), I love the compassion you've shown in this video, as well as how transparent you are in your other videos about being a woman raised in an environment that subordinates you. Many times I've teared up with you ❤

[chubbuck]

27:30 “we’ve chosen to be here”. That’s a phrase that victims of oppressive cults or relationships say all the time. The undue influence present in your thinking is not understood until after you’ve stepped away from the abusive situation.

[davidkonevky]

I think the worst part about this show is how they're not only lying to women in order to make them their wives, but that when they do have homosexual tendencies and when they stare, flirt or hold with other men, sometimes IN FRONT OF THEIR WIVES, the wives are somehow supposed to be accepting and just let them "be boys" and let that happen. Like damn it, either choose the mormon marriage lifestyle or have an open relationship, preferably with someone youre actually attracted to, dont use misoginy in your favor in order to essentially signal to your wife how much you want to cheat on her without any consequences, thats so unethical and is awful for all of the women in there

[poetisa]

My sister reminded me the other day of pikuach nefesh, the Jewish principle that no religious commandment is greater than a human life. Some interpretations go so far as to say that if following a religious commandment would lead to a person's death, then you're obligated to break it to save a life. I feel like that has a lot of relevance when talking about religious doctrines and policies that lead people to end their lives.