312: Finding Your Authentic Self As A Child Of Emotionally Immature Parents with Dr Lindsay Gibson

Welcome back to Therapy Chat! In this first episode of 2022 Laura welcomes guest Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of several books, including most recently, "Self Care for Children of Emotionally Immature Parents." Laura and Lindsay had a fascinating conversation about how emotionally immature parents - those whose emotional/attachment needs weren't met by their own parents - can affect their children's development.

Lindsay explains identity formation in fascinating detail. Listen to this compassionate and eye-opening conversation about the pain of growing up with emotionally immature parents, how having emotionally immature parents can interfere with connecting to your authentic self, and how to move forward if this is your story.

Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. holds both a Masters and Doctoral Degree in clinical psychology. She has been a psychotherapist for over thirty years, working in diverse settings such as the Juvenile Court system, community mental health, psychiatric hospitals, group practice, and solo practice. During her career in psychological testing, doing literally thousands of evaluations of children and adults, Dr. Gibson was uniquely in demand for her ability to understand people from a developmental perspective.

Dr. Gibson is also a gifted teacher and public speaker and has offered training on multiple topics to other mental health professionals throughout her career. She has served as an Adjunct Assistant Professor for the Virginia Consortium Program for Clinical Psychology, leading doctoral student workshops and independent study classes.

Dr. Gibson is the author of four books: Who You Were Meant to Be, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, and Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Since its publication in 2015, her second book has been a repeated Amazon #1 bestseller in several categories and has been translated into seventeen languages. She has also writes a monthly column on Well-Being for Tidewater Family magazine. Dr. Gibson lives and works in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

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[nelhanratty]

Dr Lindsay’s descriptions are so helpful. The part about the person stopping at nothing until they feel back in control. It’s frightening and bewildering to be around such a person when you’re a young child. This was how it was for me with my mother, and it continued until she passed away at the age of 91 about 3 months ago. I spent so much of my life trying to work out what was happening, trying to figure her out, trying, trying, trying. May Dr Gibson’s work spare others this torment.

[R.A.A.]

Lindsey is incredible her books have changed my life

[VirgosGroove]

My parents don’t say I love you, it’s usually, “you know I love you “ .. and that is said once in a blue moon. I think my parents had kids because society told them not because they wanted to and desired to be good parents. Our relationship has been so draining and toxic . I hate this

[rebeccaannette]

I am reading this now and its really incredible and its also heartbreaking... But the healing will definitely come through this new awareness.

[mysticshining]

Thanks for having Dr. Lindsay Gibson on your show. She has a gift for translating this subject into words that's so helpful.

[janiemiller]

Lindsey really knows her stuff- very helpful info.. thx ☺️ 🙏 💕

[Musecollective]

7 minutes in is sooo validating!! Thank you! 🥹

[sincerefaithfulness]

Emotionally immature person need to heal themselves from trauma before they decide to produce children. Otherwise we are just continuing the generational trauma. And the hardest thing about generational trauma, it takes a lifetime to heal.

[LisaSmith-ybuz]

Also, the story about the woman who had untapped intellectual giftedness, and it instantaneously made me think of (one of my FAVOURITE MOVIES EVER) Good Will Hunting 🥺🙏❤️‍🩹 THAT scene, with Robin Williams.. 💔🙌 “it’s not your fault, Will..” ✌️🥺✨❣️

[AB-ecqv]

Highly recommended. Dr. Gibsom's work has been life changing for me. I've never been happier becase I have been breaking old patterns adjusting my reactions to certain people. I've been asking myself, "Do i really want to carry this into my tomorrow?" Most times the answer is "No." 💝

[GoldandPinkLight]

Totally agree about the Narcissist label! Not really helpful and healing. It's just a different way of responding to trauma.

[jynclr]

Dr. Gibson should understand that when someone says "narcissistic" they're not diagnosing these parents, but encapsulating a set of behaviors into one word. Secondly, she knows that those cluster B personality disorders are EMOTIONALLY STUNTED people.

[silviagemelli]

Thank you very very much for everything shared in this interview, I have recently discovered Dr. Gibson and she’s helping greatly on my healing path from an emotionally abusive and immature mother - I wished I knew this material a long time ago!

[janethomas]

how many people actually recover from this kind of Emotional Abuse and Brainwashing?

[LisaSmith-ybuz]

Oh wow! 😯 this is so very succinctly described here!! 🙌😚❣️✨ wonderful!! TY 🙏

[Discovery_and_Change]

Ads at 11:40 | 17:58 | 33:50 | 43:29 |

3:40 emotional and attachment needs not met
5:06 Gibson intro
6:52 introspective, sensitive, kind persons
21:58 brainwashed out of instincts for self-care
24:03 don't forget about yourself
24:07 handle things in ways that support you
27:21 be true to yourself
28:19 be proud of yourself. Spend time there
29:21 have a sense of love for yourself
32:52 honor your inner world
33:29 listen to inner voice and emotions
34:28 be interested/curious in yourself, decisions, emotions

[vden]

Through listening to three podcast with Dr. Gibson I've been enlightened as to why I've chosen the men that I chose. They all were emotionally immature, most very much but successful in all other areas and I now understand that my mother is the culprit of my lifelong ache to be heard, to feel important to feel worthy of love and to feel I'm enough. She has always been childish though I didn't realize how much until we lost dad. Coupled with the hard core religion she subjected me to its a wonder I'm able to function. I realized the man I am in love with is deeply wounded and very immature emotionally, so much so it caused us to split.
Im just so floored now having the ability to understand why I am this way and that I'm not the broken one.

[mariastewart]

Thank you for an amazingly informative and interesting podcast 🙏 Some explanations like the need for them to have external people to help them balance their mood etc sounds like narcissistic supply though, hence emotionally immature people seems to me to be the same as what other people refer to as narcissists. Appreciate that it is kinder to call them emotionally immature however the damage they do to others have the same effect surely? Plus everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions regardless of what has happened in their past, especially when it comes to dealing with children. I get the sentiment but it feels that we are pandering to, and excusing, these toxic behaviours. They end up ruining their children’s lives because they refuse to do the work and heal themselves.

[annthelen]

This is revelatory to me
.Thank you.❤

[laursd]

This is great information. What resources do you have when younger children are struggling with one parent who might fall into the category of emotionally immature and another parent who is mature/ empathetic/ attuned, etc? Parents might be separated or together causing a lot of confusion and de-stabilizing the family. Thank you!!