Are You Stuck Playing These 3 Roles in Love?

One of the stranger but more useful suggestions of psychotherapy - and in particular, a branch of it known as Transactional Analysis - is that all of us contain within ourselves three essential personalities…

FURTHER READING

“One of the stranger but more useful suggestions of psychotherapy — and in particular, a branch of it known as Transactional Analysis — is that all of us contain within ourselves three essential personalities:
— a child
— a parent
— and an adult”

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist:

SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Aimee Sumo

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[sanc_livia]

"Problems are never as bad as they might be once we get them into consciousness and circulate them into discussion"

[tayzonday]

I always fall into the fourth role— extraterrestrial. 👽

[nainashe]

Started to believe that the child side of my personnality was not normal cause my partner always says that i act like a victim when i just try to express what i feel or when i just speak what i have to say. Also when i am in good mood, laughing, he tries to stop me. I ended up not laughing anymore in front of him, i became a different person than who i was before. He always judged me and looked at me noticing my flaws instead of looking at me with love. -might delete later

[blackhagalaz]

As someone who has strongly been parentified as a child it's very difficult for me to break out of my parental role. I always take care of others first, in my partnership, my social circle and my job. The last year has been so hard responsibility wise that it highly worsened my depression, OCD and anxiety. And whenever I just break down at home into a child-like role for a certain amount of time, I feel like I am a burden to those around me. I am generally very open with my mental illness, but because I am I think that whenever I do vent to friends and family they grow sick of my struggle. I feel like everybody just wants me to be a parent all the time. Only when I am at home for several days/weeks have time to myself and can do things for myself I feel like a balanced adult. But my life hardly gives me time for that. It's 3 Am and I can't sleep, because I am anxious that I need to go back to work tomorrow after a few days of sick - leave where I finally had some time to myself. I am just so exhausted and afraid every Monday that I need to stand up and hold it all together for everyone, so everyone is happy with me. It sucks

[BrooksJo]

Had to be an adult really soon in life, severe and never letting myself relax, scared of disapointing my father no matter what I did, until I understood that I wasn't the problem, I act a bit like a child sometimes now cause I couldn't before, but most of the time it feels so good to be myself and i wish that to everyone struggling💓

[TheSerendipia]

This makes so much sense, I've felt this dynamic but didn't know it was a thing!

[emmierow]

As a TA psychotherapist and a HUGE fan of School of Life, I’m so happy to see this video 🤟🏻 brilliantly conveyed. I will share this with my clients, where appropriate. Thank you!

[missrobinhoodie]

When one partner is suffering from sickness the child mode can be extended as well. It’s definitely a challenge for a couple!

[hurobin]

Ah yes I got stuck in the child mode and struggle with the other two but I'm working on it ❤ thank you for the insight 😊

[sharersale]

Wow, so profound. Despite being the baby in the family, it's the one role I struggle with in love. And I think I remember instances in my childhood when I was shamed because I was being an actual child.

[ericwarnock]

There's an excellent book that, as far as I know, is the primer for Transactional Analysis and it's called I'm Okay-You're Okay by Thomas Harris M.D. It's easy to read and detailed on how we can recognize the Parent Adult and Child in us. In our thoughts. Once we can recognize the PAC in ourselves and what corrective measures to take, we can then see them in other people.d We ask ourselves, "Who's Coming On?" Also, it's my understanding that the parent and the child in ta in the subconscious, there's no present moment thinking. Hurt child who goes out and does heinous things to other human beings such as school shootings. There's no empathy involved. I'm pretty sure that empathy arises from the adult.

[cimmik]

This helps me understand why not only my partner but also my closest friends left me after my dad died and I only had my abusive mum left. I was in such a desperation situation that I was a child all the time. I knew that things would get better with time and if I just got the support I needed, I would eventually be able to take the other roles, but me saying that wasn't enough to make my partner and friends stay

[carolinaaa]

This video just helped me understand the perspective of people who like to do age play, where one pretends to be a baby and the other, the parent... It always seemed bizarre to me and I never thought I'd understand the appeal, but having the freedom to go from adult to baby mode and feel heard and understood brings in some much safety in a relationship... No wonder people are drawn to exploring this as a fetish

[lexiqian]

I am very glad to see this video. Originally, I thought I could only play one role in a relationship, so it was more like being a child. But when I realize that roles can be switched, it's more like I can switch between these three roles at will, which makes me more confident about my relationship.

[ThisIsMyFullName]

This is a very good way at viewing relationship needs. Really insightful!

[christophertellez]

So glad to hear Alain's voice! The message was so powerful too. Such a "The School of Life" video!

[Kittyququmber]

Would be interesting to explore when the child starts to grow up but gets stuck in a spoilt rebellious teenager group. And decides there is lots of control, care, and power in this stage.

[SearchOfSelf]

The video was such a stimulating thought-provoker; it made me reflect on my own relationships and how I tackle them. Recognizing that I often get stuck in the same cycles, I understand that I need to make an active decision to move away from them. It's not easy though, it can be like I'm making some progress but then take a few steps back. Nonetheless, I'm determined to keep self-investigating and sharing my thoughts in an open and truthful manner; that is the key to advancing out of my discouraging rut 🙏

[girlhag]

I love having more videos with Alain de Botton! I will be keeping up with the channel more now :)

[JoshMarshain]

Wild that some relationship don't have the dynamism to contextually shift between the 3 roles, seems so essential