Are You Addicted to External Validation?

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[ajtaylor]

As hard as it is to love yourself sometimes, it's vital to avoid needing constant validation from others.

[scottjolteon]

I become more and more addicted to external validation as I age. I was a really gifted kid and was always told how amazing I am at everything, but the real world is not as kind as my mother, and since I am very unhappy with myself, I keep chasing external validation because I dont know any other way to feel good about myself... The more I go through the world the more I realize other people dont give a shit about you and won't tell you that you are good all the time, you have to earn it. This short kind of hit me, I knew I needed to love myself first and foremost but this confirms it, I need to stop expecting others to make me feel good about myself, I need to make ME feel good about myself

Not sure where to start but here we go

[jennw]

The thing not addressed here is that some of us seek validation because we can't TRUST ourselves to think we're good people, since we were told we were pieces of crap and something was wrong with us when young.

[darkjackhammer]

I love that end quote. "If I believed in myself I wouldn't need your approval."

[ierie]

I be thinking I’m in need of others opinions to make me feel better, but my ex best friend who is a narcissist showed me how different it is with insecurities. I always know I am better than what I tend to believe. But he was so caught up in other peoples lives that it became so toxic. I’m glad to be proud of who I and what I bring to the table. It’s important to be self sufficient ❤

[yuppers]

Also, on the flip side, people pleasers. Same cause, different approach to getting that external validation. When I realized this, I started to change. I don't want to forever be as pathetic as the the narcissists that have taken advantage of me in the past. On the plus side, people pleasers CAN change because they are willing to acknowledge there is something wrong with them

[erikg]

Its better when they just solve your problems, so thats why its important to be nice to people

[pgiulan]

Behind every positive self-concept is the hidden fear of not being good enough (fear of inferiority) and behind every negative self-concept is the hidden desire of being the greatest or better than others (desire for superiority).

[Vlek]

Growing up with none of it also breaks you as a kid

You need a healthy amount of external validation as a kid to grow your self worth and values, without knowing what to value about yourself it feels impossible to self validate because nothing feels good

[davidtaylorll]

I feel like it is also true of the lack of external criticism as well.

[Rohtix]

What is a healthy balance, I wonder?

At heart we're social creatures. We want our friends and family to like us. I can't imagine someone can be so secure in themselves that they are happy, even if everyone around them dislikes them.

I wonder what the spectrum looks like, where the line is so to speak, between narcissism and having a desire to be desired.

[rtmordecai]

So we need self-acceptance in order to gain the social freedom to be ourselves and engage with society in an authentic way. How do we obtain self-acceptance? By recognizing the narcissism of staying in our bubble of inferiority and special needs. By taking even a tiny step to put the past behind us into the present moment and act in a way that is motivated by contributing to one’s community. If it sounds circular, perfect.

[madhatter]

In my own experience practicing gratitude helps. Being mindfull of what i am are greatfull for in my external life, helps me decode and acknowledge parts of myself I am gratefull for. For my own journey Gratitude has really helped me establish a sense of self. Allows me to understand that there are huge parts of myself that i actually am proud, blessed, gratefull for.

Thank you for your willingness to share your knowledge and experience.

[yunnowho]

It's also a balance as well, if you've ever isolated you'll realize not caring about what other people think about you WILL get you ostracized and hated and slandered by the majority of society and you need society to fulfill your hierarchy of needs whether you like it or not

[RoseRoseRoseRoseRoseRose]

I know my past, flaws & sins, but accept them as a dark part of me. But what I also know is my strength & that I NEVER want nor can please all people around the world because even Marilyn Monroe had h4ters. And simply because, especially in terms of love & friendship life, I prefer not to attract certain people like false ones or st4lkerish or married/ taken/ too young men. It's okay not to be seen by everyone 🙂

[pedrosso]

How am I supposed to feel good about myself if someone tells me I'm bad?
How am I supposed to feel good about myself when I'm not good?
What does it even mean to internally validate?

[tainbual]

Wish I could send this to my little brother, but him being a narcissist it's a paradox to do so.

[frankkennedy]

I just don't understand how to apply self validation? People say to have "thick skin", but how do people just brush off everything that would effect them?
I try but my body gets too full of energy to not act in some way. So how is everyone treating insults, etc, like it's white noise???

[Eirileat]

It's really interesting from the point of view of parenting. As a Catholic, our validation was meant to come from pleasing the Big God in the Sky.

[wiehanboshoff]

"How do I become independent of the charity of others to feed me?"
Homeless Guy: 📝😅