My Boyfriend Is Still on Tinder! (Is He Cheating?)

So you found out your boyfriend is on Tinder. Does that mean he’s cheating? The truth is, whether or not he’s cheating isn’t the point. I’ll tell you why, in some cases, using tinder is actually worse than cheating and more of a red flag in a relationship. I’ll also tell you how to have the conversation with your partner about getting off dating apps, what to do if you find out your boyfriend is still on tinder, and what tinder means for exclusivity these days.

Hi, I’m Amy North. I’m a relationship coach and love expert from Canada. I’ve been writing about love and relationships for years and Tinder truly has changed the dating game forever by making dating way more accessible. But with Tinder has come unforeseen wrinkles in modern relationships, including the question we’re covering today.

What should you do if you find your boyfriend on tinder? Is it a dealbreaker?

First off, you need to be sure of the state of your relationship before you go down this path. Are you two exclusive or not? Does he look at your relationship as something serious or just a fling? Basically you should make sure he’s your boyfriend before you go any further.

If you’re without a doubt that you two are exclusive then this is definitely a huge red flag at the very least. Plenty of women will dump a guy straight out if they find out he’s still messing around on tinder. This is completely reasonable reaction but how you choose to handle it depends on you.

Here’s why being on Tinder is a huge betrayal. Just using Tinder doesn’t mean he necessarily cheated but it’s a sign that he intends to cheat. In some ways it’s worse than some kinds of cheating because it’s premeditated. I’ll explain why with a hypothetical...

Imagine your boyfriend has been acting weird for a few weeks, like there’s something on his mind. You ask him what’s wrong but he always says “nothing.” Then, one night, he finally opens up to you. He tells you that weekend when you were away visiting your aunt, he went out to a bar with his friends. He started dancing with a girl, and things got out of hand. He was really drunk and they slept together. You’re crushed. You can’t believe he’d do this to you. He says it was a huge mistake and he wishes every day that he could go back and undo it.

Now here’s another scenario. One of your girlfriends texts you. She saw your boyfriend on Tinder. She sends you screenshots. His bio is “can be discreet” and his first photo is the one you two took together over christmas, but you’re conveniently cropped out.

Which is worse? The first one may have been more physical and more overt but the second is much worse in my eyes. This is because in the first situation, your boyfriend went out, things got out of hand, he was drunk, and he crossed the line. As bad as this is (and it may be unforgivable), the other scenario--even if he didn’t sleep with anyone yet--shows intention to cheat. This wasn’t a slip up. He downloaded the app, built a profile and started talking to women.

*** More from Amy North: ***

[yoyojojo]

It is a Big step towards cheating and whom ever it is happening to, u clearly deserve better then a punch of lies👌🏼

[shinyeevee]

After 8 years of relationship, almost five years of marriage and two children together (one who is still a baby) I found out my husband has been sending pictures and messages to men and women on Grindr (he won't tell me how long for). And that's how I became a single parent overnight 🙃

[georgiawilby]

I needed this like 2 years ago haha. I broke up with him straight away lol

[sarahf]

I get why the intent could be seen as worse, however, there is no way to prove that in the second scenario, he didn't intend to go out and find someone else to sleep with.

[loubnadahri]

I have been dating my guy for 8months..and he said we were exclusive..i found him yesterday on tinder..when i asked him if he is on dating app..he said "it's possible"..i told him i hope u ll get great meetings...and asked him to give me my flat keys...he answered ok...that's all ..did i act right?

[tezclark]

I felt that about my last partner, she wouldn't let go of her ex's and that was a deal breaker for me, and if a guys using tinder or any dating site, same as a woman its not good at all, it's unfair to your partner.

[LisaGemini]

Amy, I agree that premeditation is worse. Being on Tinder "just for fun"? What a bunch of BS.

[maddyr]

Just found out today my husband of two years downloaded a dating app two months ago. IM shocked. I dont know what to do. Worst part is he is still denying it even after I saw it with my own eyes.

[rivanazhera]

I literally just found out last night that he is still on Tinder. Thank you for uploading this because I managed to handle my emotions and think rational rather than act emotional. I’m going to confront him today and talk about it properly. Thank you so much 😊

[hivona]

Dating for 1.5 years. Just saw the bumble app on his phone for the second time! He swears it wasn’t bumble but I know that yellow geometric shape with lines… I feel so hurt and disappointed

[miqueorque]

How many women have been in a situation, where the boyfriend actually deleted his accounts and apps in front of you after you confronted him about using dating apps while in a long-term relationship...if it was the first offense?

[Hannahnah]

Today i found out my boyfriend is on Flip ( another dating site) and it is unacceptable to me

[llzhang]

My ex was the most wonderful woman i knew until i found out that she had been active on Tinder flirting with a handful of guys. We even had discussion before about whether or not couple should still use Tinder and we reached an agreement early down the relationship. I couldnt handle her lie so i straightup packed and left her despite all her begging.

It still hurts me tho for ending this relationship so abruptly.

[melissajohnson]

Found out mines was on Hinge this weekend while I’m 25 weeks pregnant. High risk pregnancy and in pelvis rest so no hanky panky has been going on. Also, he goes out on weekends to drink and comes home at 4, 5, 6am. So I packed my things while he was out of town for his sister’s graduation and I left to my parents. He can swipe all he wants now

[MizzJ]

We live together and everything was great between me and him, but I went out and he said have a great time, but my I intuition said check my cameras and sure enough saw him swapping left and right on his phone while I was away girls night but he blames me for having cameras in my place he moved in with me

[Nastashaa]

Just recently found out that my partner been on tinder since we started dating and what should I do ? He has been chatting to all these women's and flirting

[yearofthegarden]

6 month relationship, past month we went from seeing each other almost every day to once a week because her back injury. She came to me, apologized for not contributing, said she wanted to talk about a long term relationship. Next day she tries to hang out, but I was busy, so day after I see her and notice a password and tinder on her phone, she had just started that day. I didn't say anything so I could process it, going to see her today, I don't want to remind her that she is going to end up used and single in her late 30s, but I appreciate who she is as a person and would hate to see her more damaged. Either way I feel free now that I've dropped her in my mind, and the burden, frustration she brings me

[Clarrissaharrison]

I saw the guy I was seeing he was back on date site I hurry block him on my phone I been knowing him for 2 years he putting my health at risk so I decided to block him

[horselover]

Amy could u do a video of cute texts to send your long distance boyfriend/girlfriend to make him miss or love u so much, because I feel like I need it now :3 🙏🏻🙏🏻🥺🥺😇😇❤️❤️😘😘

[haunaniplayer]

i just found out today that my boyfriend is on dating websites, not tinder per say because he likes a type of female . His excuse for being on there was that there was an ad late at night and he was bored. he seen the ad and clicked on it, made a profile, added pics, and matched with people....all out of curiosity for this dating site that catered to what he finds attractive. I would be stupid to give him another chance right?