OCD FAQ: Is it normal to have increased anxiety when cutting out compulsions?

It's totally normal to experience increased anxiety when you're cutting out compulsions and that can also help you better understand the path to recovery from OCD. It's like learning to run a marathon...

[laxmandas]

I was about to commit suicide in the age of 30 as I had been suffering from pure o and Anxiety but Mark's video saved my life ...u r god for me Mark

[SKRithvik]

Wow! I realized that me wanting to get rid of Anxiety and then doing things to do achieve that goal are actually my compulsions. We’ve got to live with anxiety. We shouldn’t fight it if I understood this point correctly

[dieuwkie]

You gave me hope, thank you! I’m ready to beat it, it is hard to not do the compulsions I can’t seem to forget them. I understand that it is anxiety now and the compulsion is only to get rid of the anxiety. It is so complicated.

[zoologynerd]

Like when I am trying cut out a small compulsion and all my other obsessions get WAAAY worse.  Its hard to continue to not engage in the small compulsion when it makes other obsessions/compulsions worse.

[Masani]

I was feeling this, that I have to constantly be doing something, or thinking something about my well being, and I've now realised that it was because it made me feel more secure

[quinnyork]

These OCD videos are so helpful thank you for sharing your advice! Really appreciate your insights.

[mpath]

awesome dude. keep posting . you help keep me above this thing :P i really liked ur relapse video and stuff that was great and cleared a lot of up for me.

[AaronDomino]

My life has been in limbo for the last 5 years. I have had
severe OCD and it has negatively affected all areas of my life. I recently
discovered (last night) that my OCD has been termed "Just Right" OCD.
"Just Right" OCD is not necessarily about having everything perfect.
It's about doing everything
perfectly. There's a great difference. Many of my compulsions aren't about
making something perfect in appearance, for example, but are about feeling that
I did them perfectly, or just right. My OCD did not just appear one day,
rather, it developed slowly. I can remember instances of OCD at the age of 10,
for example. I can faintly remember that I made an agreement to myself that I
would quickly cross from the kitchen to the living room before the refrigerator
door shut. However, it was never time-consuming nor a serious problem until the
last 5 years. Currently, I cannot quite function. From the moment I open my
eyes to the moment they shut, OCD is constant.

Obsessions

Hand-washing – Overall, I need to feel clean, but do not be
confused. This isn’t connected to the fear of germs, contamination, or getting
sick. I will explain in-depth later.

Putting on and taking off clothes – For example, before I
put on a shirt, I have to "shake it out". It also has to make a
distinct sound that feels complete as the shirt slaps the air. When I have
successfully done this action, maybe in the process of the downward motion, the
shirt touched my leg. Now, I will have it do it again, but without touching the
leg. Then some other variable comes into play, and now I have to do A, B, C, D,
E etc.

Touching things – "Mostly" everything I touch is
counted (3s or 5s) and needs to be touched in a particular way. While placing
items on a table, I will pick up the item and re-place it various times until I
do it "perfectly". I typically do not have fears of touching other
people, unless I’ve witnessed them digging through garbage or something of that
nature.

Ordering/Arranging/Symmetry – While showering, for example,
I wash each side of the body exactly the same way, If I'm not 100% focused on
what I'm doing, I will have to re-do the action, because I can't remember if I
did it "correctly".

Perfectionism – I cannot finish many things. As a filmmaker,
it’s difficult to save a film without continuous edits. I will watch, re-watch,
re-watch and find mistakes or things that aren’t “perfect”. Nothing is ever
quite good enough. Regardless of how well I do something (in the eyes of
others), I’m never satisfied. However, this criticism is only prescribed for
myself, I do not judge other people in this light.

Anthropomorphism – I attribute human characteristics to
inanimate objects. If I do not fold clothes correctly, I feel that they cannot
breathe. While closing a bottle-cap, I can't squeeze the bottle, or I'll feel
that the air has been separated from the other air (almost as if I'm separating
a family).

Sounds – Sometimes I'll read something, a text for example,
and I will have to acknowledge each word, one at a time. Other times, I will
have to read a sentence and pronounce each word perfectly (aloud and in my
head)

Sunlight or bright lights – It allows me to see the many
defects that exist. I finally kicked the habit of wearing sunglasses in-doors,
about 6 months ago. I don't know if it's obvious or not, but I wore the
sunglasses to help reduce the probability that I would see dust, or things in
the carpet, etc.

There are many others, but I’m sure you get the idea.

Why do I do these
things?

I do not fear that something bad will happen if I do not. (I
often hear that this is a common motivation.) There really aren’t any logical
reasons as to why I do these things. I can say, for sure, that I have always
had a very high standard for myself. Growing up, I never felt good enough (even
though I was seen as a talented and intelligent by my peers, I've been told).
I've considered that a part of my OCD is influenced by never being good enough
in the eyes of those I loved the most. Maybe I'm compensating by attempting to
make everything perfect? Listen, if I fail to do a compulsion "just
right" I feel like I've failed, or that I'm a loser. I feel that I have no
value. It's as though my worth is dependent upon doing my compulsions
perfectly. The anxiety is strong. I become irritated and the world feels
unbalanced. I cannot focus on anything. The perpetuating thought in my mind is
"Go and fix it.”

As previously stated, I believe that I do these things
because they are directly linked to my self-worth. For example, I have
consciously acknowledged that before I do an obsession, it's almost as if a
part of me "challenges" that I cannot do the “compulsive action"
in a perfect, particular way. I don’t like this and I suffer because of it. An
interesting thing to mention is that my OCD is much stronger when I'm excited,
or I should say, when my biology is excited. Before I eat, before sex, before I
go to sleep etc. (yes, after the stress from the compulsions all day, I look
forward to sleep) the urge to do the various compulsions is a lot stronger. In
other words, there are many things that do not typically bother me, but bother
me if I'm in a state of excitement. I can understand why this is as is. If a
situation causes me to become anxious, I instinctively begin searching for a
way to lessen the anxiety, and it’s obvious which form I result to: those
terrible compulsions. I’ve discovered that the compulsions, in which I engage in
these situations, do not even need to be related to the anxiety.

1.      
I’m excited about the tennis final between
Federer and Nadal.

2.      
I subconsciously seek something which triggers my
OCD—the alignment and distance between the hangers in my closet, for example.

3.      
I use this trigger as a form to lessen my OCD. I
return to the television to view the upcoming match, less anxious than before.

I’m not saying this is how my OCD works;
I’m only entertaining the possibilities.

Now, what?

I believe that the curing process starts when you can accept
that living with the anxiety, the discomfort, is possible. The OCD serves as
protection. Protection from what, I ask myself. I think it protects us from
feeling the terrible anxiety we feel when we don’t do a compulsion, the anxiety
that normal people feel, but cope with better. Hence, the OCD serves as a
mechanism to eliminate the anxiety. I think that to an extent I deny reality. I
think I’ve been putting off “feeling” anxiety for so long that I don’t remember
what it felt like before OCD.

A basic process:

1.      
Everything is fine, anxiety is low, and there
aren’t any compulsions

2.      
 Something
happens. A Trigger. I touch my hand on a trashcan, for example.

3.      
Anxiety rises. I feel great discomfort. I need
to wash my hands. But, why?

The two reasons I’ve landed upon are 1) because I cannot
bear the feeling of anxiety. The OCD has slowly, and gradually allowed me to
live with minimal anxiety (because the compulsions kill the anxiety), and 2)
because my level of cleanliness (in this example) is directly linked to my
self-worth, as stated. My OCD to be and feel clean helps consolidate my need to
be of value. When I feel clean, I feel good for example. Somewhere along the
line I made the connection that value equates to cleanliness, or order.

[rajalu]

this anxiety and ocd is tough to beat but your video's are helping me get through this difficult time right now ...thanks for the help

[kathashway]

How are you so smart? Where do you learn this stuff, dude? :D You've inspired me once again!

[NYRfanever]

Great video. Glad to see you posting again. your videos are very helpful

[joethomas-williams]

Thank you Mark, this was really useful for me today. I think I even already know a lot of the things you said, but hearing someone else put it all together like that in that way helps me a lot, by reassuring me I am doing the right thing/ I am going in the right direction and I will get there eventually! :)

[malymadefamily]

Your videos and book have helped me so much. I have ocd since I was age 5 but didn’t know what was going on till Covid hit my home last month and I’ve been having an episode. I got officially diagnosed and start erp on Tuesday.

[eprkya]

Hi Mark, so when we speak about exposing ourselves to „smaller“ anxieties, would that be for example:

not changing the street when seeing a stranger,

going to gym classes you‘ve uncomfortable going with

not overthinking before a meeting etc?

Are those things helpful to be able to not ruminate about the „biggest anxiety“, for example fear of being far from home?

I understand that the theme isn‘t important to ocd. But when my worst anxiety is flying and being far, should I then be doing ERP around this specific topic or ERP around daily life in general?

😅probably having ocd also means overthinking this part😅😅😅 never ending story..

[Hervo]

So basically the recovery is not to get rid of anxiety but to accept it as a part of your life. In my case the source of anxiety seems to be my relationships. And it really takes away from being able to enjoy them. It blocks me from feeling happiness, love, intimacy etc. I'm having a really tough time understanding how that can be regarded as recovery when you just silently accept that in the back of my head, I might feel like crap about the thing that is supposed to and that I want to make me feel good, possibly for the rest of my life. A lot of OCD recovery info seems to be about accepting the negative feelings and still "do the healthy things you want to do and act according to your values". That's doable yes, but I just don't understand how doing those things matter if you can't feel the positive emotions or satisfaction from doing them for more than a mere moment, because of the anxiety you just have to accept. Like let's say I had an injury in my leg that gives me constant pain when I put my weight on it, but I really value running and think it's a heathy thing that I wanna do. So I go running but how much fun is that going to be with that pain. I'm sorry I sound so negative but I just do not understand. Or does doing the things you want to do regardless of the anxiety make you experience it less then?

[MAMP]

Any other guys out there get anxiety when they experience a breakup with a girl, and then have unfounded doubts or thoughts that somehow she got pregnant? This has plagued me for my last 3 breakups. I'm getting better at it because I didnt do any reassurance checking this last time I had a breakup. It was very stressful though for a month or 2 as I just sit and let it happen. The underlying chain of fears that I dug into and found was this "If she's pregnant, I'll be a single dad", "if I"m a single dad no one else will want to date me", "if no one else wants to date me then i'll be single for the rest of my life". None of this is true but my brain tries to go down that rabbit path.

[homiekeen]

What if the compulsions are thoughts? It's easier to stop yourself from doing an action than it is to stop thoughts.
As an extreme example, you could lock yourself up in a room without any alcohol and throw the key away, but with thoughts it's like you have the alcohol or drug in your brain and system already 24/7

[yashukumar]

thnx... sir....but sometime my ocd says thought is real and u have to react on to do

[ryantan]

should I just live with anxiety for the time being?

[berniehayes]

Can people know what I'm thinking. Have no structure in my life at the moment, and am a highly sensitive person. I realise this could not be true but at the same time is a concern. As always, thanks.