POV: you grew up with an emotionally explosive parent

Complete transcript:
POV: you grew up with an emotionally explosive parent

Person 1: I can't believe that happened to you, are you okay?
Person 2: I'm completely fine, it's not a big deal. Besides much worse has happened anyway.
Person 1: I'm here if you need to talk.
Person 2: (You fear being "dramatic" or "too sensitive" from hearing it so often growing up) Okay thanks
Person 1: I just found these glasses on the counter. Are they yours?
Person 2: Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left them there.
(You always feel like a burden or like you're intruding on people)
I'm sorry, I'm such a mess staying with you.
Person 1: Oh Nicole, didn't you wanna be an interior designer?
Person 2: (You're ashamed of your own wants, needs, or dreams)
I mean at one point, but that was a long time ago. And I realized it was a silly idea anyway.
Person 1: What do you think about it?
Person 2: Uh, I agree with you. I mean what you said is really true, you brought up all of the right points. I totally agree.
(You don't voice your own opinion because you fear any conflict or disagreement)

[SarmHart]

And when you start to heal with the people you used to you bend over backwards for, they call you cruel, or defensive or uncompassionate because you’re not their punching bag anymore.

[Tadwinked]

People wonder why I'm afraid of my dad when he, "seems so nice." And he is nice, plenty of the time, but it doesn't erase a childhood of walking on eggshells because I never knew what would set him off.

[wednesdayjill]

constantly having to be so strong and independent because your brain was trained not to be vulnerable and that needing help of any sort was a shameful act ://

[phoenix_rising]

You can also turn into an emotionally explosive adult due to this coping behavior because you hold so much in and never get your needs met or advocate for yourself 😢❤

[amys]

They don't even have to be explosive, just emotionally immature and invalidating. I do all of this.

[jennmullins]

The thing about being called too sensitive or dramatic for bringing up any concern is a big one for me. So used to being gaslit or invalidated and disregarded/minimized that i sometimes catch myself doing the same thing to myself.

[katec]

Please expand on this emotionally explosive parent topic. This really hits close to home

[lindseyjames]

Whoa who else feels seen for the first time?

[bonnieromick]

This was my childhood every day. Your either a master de- escalator or your harmed. You learn quick. Smooze agree, pacify, apologize whatever calms them, your a child

[Travelling_with_my_dog]

68 years old, and I STILL feel guilty and upset if I disagree with someone even a little (even if I keep the disagreement to myself). I physically shake after voicing my opinion.
Luckily, meditation, reflection, therapy, and LOTS of journaling allow me to step back from myself and watch myself with compassion. I learned long ago to recognize shame as it arises, and how disproportionate it's always been in my mind.

[NootalieWalf]

Out of all the shorts, this one did it. This one made me cry. This is me.

[Ironorchids]

Both of my parents were emotionally explosive, my mother still is. Nearly a decade in therapy, behavioral classes, and thousands of dollars to keep myself from ending up the same way. As soon as I recognized my mother’s behaviors “creeping in” to my personality at age 24, I did what I could to course correct. I am fucking terrified of ending up like my parents. Ending up like the miserable waste of skin that gave birth to me is my number one nightmare.

Thanks for posting this, it’s important that people recognize the bad patterns others have placed upon them. Then if you want to change, you have to reteach yourself better emotional regulation… it’s so expensive and hard to be raised by people with no control 😢

[Ms.K]

“You’re so easy going and laid back!” “yeah, it’s a self-defense mechanism, apparently.” I’m trying to unlearn the emotionally immature way adults reacted to my emotions and needs as a kid. Had this epiphany like 2 days ago. 36 years and still peeling those layers!

[siennaprice]

“I’m fine. It’s not a big deal. It’s not the end of the world. Besides, it could be worse.” This is the stuff I say to myself all the time. As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum and has CPTSD, I was taught to bottle up my emotions. But I was also shamed for not speaking up if something was bothering me. And this was done by my stepmom. She was very explosive towards everyone in the house. I forgive my stepmom for the pain she put me through. But now I need to forgive myself for it. My anger is mainly directed inward towards myself. But one thing I’ve stopped is the explosive temper. I use my coping skills to help prevent it from going any further. But I also use them to push the emotions down. And don’t worry, I never use drugs or alcohol as coping tools. The ones I use are all healthy ones, but I do use them to also distract myself from feeling my emotions.

[FabulousCucumber-iphu]

Yep, constantly apologising, minimising oneself, even to bullies, trying desperately to stop the boat rocking when someone else is being unreasonable, taking on the responsibility of someone else's feelings, placing yourself as the figure of blame....

[divinegddess]

Whew. Grew up with an emotionally explosive father so this was definitely me. So grateful to be doing the deeper healing to transform these patterns.

[mackenziemoore]

Oooo this hit home. Here's a trauma dump. A short while ago, maybe a few months, I was pulled over just enjoying peace and quiet. A man came up to my car and asked me to perform a sex act. TWICE. I politely told him no, and he seems offended with my response. I immediately began to shake and cry while I drove home. The whole incident left me shaken up. I went home to tell my mum, all on the verge on tears. She tells me it's no big deal, happens all the time it's not a big deal. I shut down so fast. It's no wonder I don't tell anyone anything. Fastest dismissal I've ever felt to my core.

[theonejokeking]

I became emotionally explosive in response actually. I saw others who simply allowed it and thought that they were making things very unsafe, so I stepped in to counter it and now I’m the unsafe person as an adult. I don’t know how to control it.

[edainari]

My dad has a horrific temper. The strange thing is, somehow he convinced all of us he was the happy-go-lucky one and my mom was the one with the inability to control her emotions. Yeah, she has copious issues of her own, including shredding us kids without warning, but I just want people to know that sometimes the instigating parent can effectively manipulate reality so the look like an angel. Until I started my healing journey, this short absolutely described me. Sometimes it still does, but it's getting better

[sarahjmount]

Your messages always hit home. I’ve reacted and behaved in every way the woman does in the video, exactly, and more; since I was a very little girl until more than half of my life was over. I’ve felt as though I needed to apologize for being alive, as well.

It’s because of you and those like you that have channels on YouTube about complex trauma and its devastating lasting effects on its survivors that I was finally made aware of what my affliction was my entire life. I was misunderstood, misdiagnosed, medicated improperly all by the mental health care community on and off for 36 yrs. Not only were they of no help at all but they made my life even worse. I even tried communicating with some of them that I felt I was severely traumatized and so forth but they never listened.

YouTube was the catalyst for starting my recovery process over a year and a half ago. I finally have a therapist who specializes in trauma. I even text her some of your videos from time to time and she appreciates them. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge. Much appreciation for spreading awareness about CPTSD. ❤