men should NOT pay for dates

[nomantepotante]

Cabbage rolls with Momo Chutney

In this recipe, tomatoes are blended with water to make the chutney, creating a sauce that covers the cabbage rolls while cooking, rather than discarding it.

Cabbage rolls:
10 Cabbage leaves
2 spring onions
2 tbsp ginger
2 cloves of garlic
4 large mushrooms or 6 small
1 fennel
1 carrot
2 tbsp soy sauce
150g rice
300g water

Momo Chutney:
3cm ginger
5 garlic cloves
1 tbsp sesame seeds
250g tomatoes
6 pieces of dried chilli
2 tsp soy sauce 
3 tsp sugar


Cabbage:

Boil the cabbage leaves for around 5 minutes until soft or microwave them with some water in the plate. (Time depends on the type of cabbage; for example, savoy cabbage takes longer.) Set aside.

Filling:

1. Chop the spring onions, garlic and ginger very finely (or pulse it in a food processor). Set aside in a separate bowl and do the same with the remaining vegetables.
2. Fry the spring onions, garlic and ginger in a pan until fragrant and browned. Put in the rest of the veg and soy sauce and continue to fry for another 5 minutes until it reduces in size. 
3. Wash the rice, put it in the pan with the water. Cover with a lid and cook on medium heat for around 10 minutes until the rice is fully cooked. If the rice is still tough, add more water.

Sauce:

1. Slice the ginger and garlic into small pieces (doesn't need to be diced). Fry it in a sauce pan with 1 tbsp of oil until they start to brown. Add in the sesame seeds, fry for another few minutes.
2. Add the tomatoes, sugar and soy sauce and pour enough water to cover them. Boil until the skin starts to peel. 
3. Take off the heat and blend until smooth. 

Assemble:

1. Put 1, 5 tbsp of the filling onto a cabbage leave and roll tight. Do that until you have 10 rolls.
2. Place all the cabbage rolls into a pot, pour over the sauce. When the sauce start to boil, reduce the heat to medium-low heat and cook for around 25 minutes until the cabbage is soft.

[real-life-cooking]

For me, this is not a matter of emancipation, but of self protection. Many men think if they have paid, they can expect something in return. And what they want in return is not money.

[milac]

I always thought that whoever asked the other out for the date paid. Otherwise it was divided among the both. And not just for the date. For any treat. I would be expected to pay if I asked someone out to eat.

[claracatlady]

“The man pays” used to be a given because women had no money, or bank accounts, or jobs. Now that that no longer is the case I see no need to uphold this expectation.
Furthermore, when I am out with my friends, we split the bill so why wouldn’t I do the same on a date? Like I’m going on a date because I WANT to spend time with that person, you don’t have to pay me/bribe me to do something I want to and enjoy doing. If we are in the getting to know each other phase we split and if we actually end up dating we can still split or take turns inviting the other. Also I’m 21 and a broke college student, I date other college students. It would be completely unfair and unrealistic of me to expect them to have money at this stage of their life

[YinYanUzumaki]

I come from a family where women have also been bread earner along with men ( my grandmother was principal in middle school, my mother is medical practitioner ) yet they are also the ones who would be expected to do the house management and these were roles defined ( but not limited to ) for her .
My father would cook often but unlike my mother’s case it was a hobby for him which he may indulge in as per his choice . Fast forward today things are different in family dynamics and things work mostly and divide and conquer method with playing to your strengths kind of strategy

[FrogeniusW.G.]

True. In Eastern Europe women have to (are expected to) work double.
Fulltime _plus_ housework& kids.

[gorefieldluvr]

I agree. It makes us ask, what is really a free choice in a society filled to the brim with pressure?

[Nioco]

I think the returns of gender roles might be due to economic pressures like stagnating wages, rising prices and lacking social protections. At least for women traditional gender roles offer an escape from economic uncertainty in the sense that a man will provide for them. The problem is that this ignores all of the negative consequences these gender roles have for women. Moreover, we live in a time where it isn't even possible (in most cases) to provide for a family with a single income.

[rvoloshchukify]

I prefer to split. That way I don’t have to feel self-conscious about ordering expensive things and also don’t have to be anxiois about the other person ordering something too expensive for my liking.

And I totally relate to how you feel about gender stereotypes being reinforced. I also come from eastern Europe, and I want nothing to do with sexist expectations I escaped from. And yet I see « westerners » often be way more conservative than we are in the east

[Luciferian-gt]

I grew up in southeastern europe and I agree with you strongly! I can't tell you how many of my relatives are disappointed that me and my fiance don't follow gender roles and we never did. And how many of them said he's not man enough because he can't "tame" me.
I mean WTF?

[ishitapandey]

Oh, Im indian and what you are speaking of is my reality rn. Im a teen and i hate any kind of gender expectation for exact same reasons!!! Im 19 and the way you talk and explain your life, personality and ideas are like looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection talk. I resonate a LOT. Its like someone is living my life in Europe. I felt seen, thankyou!

Love your channel, yummy veg food, great content, real talk! Awesome, love ya!

[animeanomaly]

I don't let men pay for me on dates, at least when I barely know them. While it can be a nice gesture, I had a first date with someone where they paid for the food before I even had a chance to offer or get my money out, I was intending to pay my part, but he took that option away and instead used that he paid for food as a way to obligate me to do more things with him to pay him back for the tacos. Unfortunately I was young and too stupid at the time and felt obligated to continue going places with him, and things got more and more uncomfortable and scary as time went on, he separated me from my transport home, took me to his place, and finally I just ended up walking back home (no car at the time) pretending that I had a ride come to get me just to get away from him try to get too close and too physical towards me. Thankfully nothing ended up happening, but I always think back to that date and how scared it made me and refuse men I barely know to pay for me. If they're someone I'm close to, maybe, if I know the gesture is genuine. But otherwise, I just pay for mine so I don't get trapped.

[TheSnackWrap]

Oooh, I thought you made gołąbki! I'm definitely trying this sauce recipe -- looks amazing!

[nicolecampos]

I come from a family where everyone pays for their own stuff unless other person offers to pay for them or explicitly invites them. Even in my fam's marriages, while they maintain some gender roles enforced despite being a majority of woman, they always take turns on paying stuff or so and its not an issue. And now that i recently got a bf, each pay for their own stuff unless we explicitly offer to pay for the other

[wit]

Who ever is willing or wants to pay, should pay. Plain and simple

[lieslvista]

American here… If I was a single, I’d be wary of men who insist on always paying and/or get offended if you expect to pay. It seems like these days there’s a lot of guys insisting on it as a way to make sure a woman feels beholden. I guess to each their own, but I want a man who values my ability to earn money, contribute, and not think I will need him.

[KurtsGal]

I think that gender roles are fine as long as both people choose to live that way. If you like gender roles, great. If you don’t like them, don't live that way. To each their own!

[Uroczekotki]

In Poland person who invites pay. It doesn't matter if it's a date, family dinner or a business meeting. It’s less awkward than sending eath other 5 € for a coffe. But sometimes I still prefer to split a bill.

[CalicoHalfanAce]

I feel like if it's a date, either split the bill or have the person who's taking you on the date pay. There, there's no gendered rules, also it works well with same sex dates and dates with friends and family

[wowwiz]

As a gay man, I am with you! I support choices and COMMUNICATION