Addictive Behavior and Self Deception

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[christiebailey]

I personally have heard my husband say 12 of these. That alone says their is a problem, actually, my education on some of these is what first clued me in there was a problem. Literally, after we got married, he's say some version of these and I thought "that's what an addict says." Thank you Amber for spreading the word. Families need to hear this!

[gwillis]

hello Amber I hear the little monster saying "just one drink won't hurt"

[tinaperez]

VIEWERS: use this list just as a study guide - you don't want to miss Amber's insights. LISTS OF MONSTERS - MONSTER MOUTH THOUGHTS:
1) one last time monster
2) just a little bit / just a few
3) "don't let them control you!"
4) you're nothing but a piece of trash (cuz of what you've done in the past cuz of your use, which makes you feel bad which makes you want to use again, etc, vicious cycle)
5) the Costco Plan monster - get a bulk amount cuz cheaper (no! you'll just use all that all up - and asap)
6) it's not that big a deal (everyone does it, etc etc)
7) YOU'VE never done (thing XYZ) so YOU'RE okay and not an addict (never mind the many other things you HAVE done, this monster will find the ONE thing you haven't done wrong so you must be just fine!)
8) the congratulations! monster - you did it! You passed your test, milestone, etc. So celebration time! (NO - you celebrate in different ways now)
9) the only on "special occasions" monster - THIS ONE IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR, COMMON, & DEVIOUS.
10) the just cut back monster
11) the coast is clear monster - no one's here except you, so...
12) the might as well cuz things couldn't get worse monster (addicted use ALWAYS makes things worse) - also called
- the "case of the eff-its monster"
- the "what's the point anymore monster"
- the "black and white thinking" monster
- the "all or nothing" monster (exactly the same as the black and white thinking monster)
13) you can't quit cuz you just don't have it in you monster
14) I'm only hurtimg myself monster ( no - if you have ANYONE who depends on you or cares about you, your hurting them)
15) you already ruined it, - you relapsed, so might as well use anyway. Double team monster - one makes you relapse, the other keeps you in relapsed.
16) it would be rude not to go or leave early to the event that's full of temptations for you
17) it's the only thing that helps me sleep / function / etc etc
18) don't tell people you're in recovery cuz it might make them feel bad. Wrong:. No secrets! Secrets keep those secrets alive.
19) it's none of their business so you don't need to tell them (that can help you leave the window open for you to use again)
20) As long as you don't use THAT specific thing or substance, it's not that bad - booze is okay as long as you don't use coke, or some other "that thing".
21) the "I NEED it, I DESERVE it" monster
22) the "I'm a grown a$$ man or women" monster - a version of the "they can't control me" monster
23) the "you've got money" monster - you have money that could be spent on the substance. Maybe some extra money other than usual.

Long haul monsters:

24) If you keep going to the barbershop, you're eventually going to get a haircut. If it can't get you to use now, it will do something NOW (get you to go to the barber shop) to try to get you closer to using LATER (getting a haircut).

25) The little things monster. It tries to disconnect you from your program or sponsor over little things. This meeting was pointless today! So why go anymore? You find something to get mad at your sponsor about - so you quit going, etc.

Important:

These monster mouths are ALL liars trying to get you to believe them. Also, we all have monster mouth thoughts whether we have addictions or not. We are ALL rationalizing, justifying and deceiving ourselves in one way or another with disempowering thoughts we very likely aren't even aware of (until we train ourselves to become aware of them) if/when struggling with problems and challenges.

A viewer here says we ALL (addicts and non-addicts) have monster mouth thoughts - one definition is "trans-generational conditioning of self hate" (I suppose that applies especially if we internalized disempowering messages from our families and parents and they did the same from their families, etc., etc.)

Anyway, that viewer goes on to say their all lies and they are ALL a function of "our unevolved reptilian brain" (or "subconscious", "unconscious" or "the primitive brain").

KEYS / SOLUTION:

The "name it to tame it" technique. Naming these monsters is an awareness tool that helps us identify recognize and be aware of them when they show up. Once we're aware of them we can choose our response to them, and our response to them needs to be:

They can only stay strong and active if you feed them. So don't feed them / don't listen to them - if you are vigilant and deliberate in your response and with your saying no to them and practice that, they WILL weaken and go dormant BUT remember to STAY vigilant cuz they can come back - and once you listen to ANY of them again, they ALL come back. They come back as soon as you start deceiving yourself again / justifying / rationalizing things and usage again.

You need to remember that EVERY one of these thoughts, if fed and encouraged and believed, result in using the addictive substance again. Think of every time you've had them before - it ended badly - just the way the monster thoughts wanted it to.

So go back to not feeding them and using your antidote / Hero thoughts to replace / substitute the monster thoughts.

Use reframing of negative thoughts to positive ones instead / and thought replacement / substition exercises as another technique / weapon against these monsters of unproductive and undermining negative thoughts.

On that note, we all might want to write up this list of monsters and any others we can think of and write up the thoughts we can use to REPLACE these thoughts when we do get them. Basically, make a MONSTER MOUTHS & HERO MOUTHS lists. Where you memorize the monster thoughts - with their names (name it to tame it technique) and then also memorize the antidote "Hero" thoughts so we can be ready with them to REPLACE the monster thoughts - like a quick draw gun slinging pistols when these thoughts pop up so we can shoot em dead in their tracks and replace and substitute them with thoughts that empower ourselves instead when and as we need to.

Think of this as "thought replacement therapy" or the "thought replacement technique" (or substition). As soon as you are aware of (and can name) a thought that doesn't serve you - a monster thought, replace the thoughts that don't serve you / substitute them with the thoughts that do serve and empower you instead.

One concept the thought substitution technique takes advantage of in order to work is the "you can't have more than one thought at a time" brain phenomenon. To test this, try to think of the melody of two songs at the same time. You can't. Another example of this is if someone were to say "try NOT to picture of a polar bear". You can't, right - you're thinking of a polar bear. But you CAN switch out that thought with a different one - now think of an elephant - youve replaced the polar bear with an elephant.

It's the same idea - we can use thought substitution to choose our thoughts by 1) being aware of what thoughts we're thinking to begin with, 2) and replacing the ones that don't serve us with the thoughts that empower us instead.

Start with the top of this list.
1) "the one last time" thought monster / monster mouth.
Replace it with a thought hero of something like "I see you "one last time" monster, but I HAD my last time - I'm an addict in RECOVERY now which means I don't use anymore - I choose sobriety instead".

It's also important that you replace the negative, disempowering thought with a positive, empowering, and actionable thought instead. To combat the negative, you've got to combat a negative with a positive.

[graynano]

I have most of those monsters 😔 I'm struggling bad...your videos have helped both my husband and I...I have put that man through hell and because of your videos, he understands addiction much better...I would say that you have saved my marriage so thank u💕

[ruthieprusso]

I’ve been watching your videos to better understand my family member’s disease and challenges, but this video in particular struck me because I hear all these monster mouths about my sugar addiction. People laugh at me and don’t take it serious at all when I say I think I have a problem with sweets cause everyone likes sugar and treats and it’s not as bad as alcohol or drugs. But my teeth, dental bills, energy, focus, and health have suffered because of my inability to control my sweet intake. My least favorite thing about it is how it affects my kids they see me not have any self control and they want to copy me. Anyways thank you for helping my understand and identify that these monsters just want to consume me and not help me.

[novaalbrecht]

I feel pot usage has some ones that are unique to it. Maybe they technically fall under the ones you already mentioned but the energy behind them is slightly different.

For me those monsters are “it’ll just feel good!”, “it’ll help me be more relaxed/less rigid” and “it’ll be easier to be creative.”

I think because pot is societally seen as being more “chill” and non addictive, and to some degree it is easier to be functional with pot than other substances (for some people), you can trick yourself into thinking your monsters are less “desperate” so they’re okay to have. I suppose this is true for all substances, but pot seems to get a pass in a weird way. No one (even non smokers in my life) has ever actually told me my usage is a problem, but I KNOW it is because of how it’s compromising my life experience and the fact that I’ve never been able to stop. That’s the evil of a weed addiction, it can almost hide in plain sight.

Thank you for this content Amber! My life has been improving tenfold despite my addiction, but I desperately want to be PRESENT for it! The tools and insights you offer are so helpful, and hopefully I can use them to kick this habit for good

[kristis]

I used to rationalize “ drinking to clean my house”. Not only would I end up not cleaning it but it would be even bigger wreck and I’d be drunk accomplished nothing

[CHIQUITIBOOM]

They all sound like country music lyrics LOL

[blondiez]

I love the visualization / personification of these monsters. Helps a lot! And it’s monsters talking not the person you love when they’re clear. “Hate the drug not the person”.

[tinaperez]

I realized there's a whole other part to this. This video covers part one - part two is coming up with our antidote / replacement thoughts / reframed thoughts we use instead in response to the monsters as they pop up. We need to come up with and memorize our response thoughts in addition to the monster thoughts so we can be ready with our replacement / substitution / resoonse thoughts - like a hammer in a game of whack a mole - so we can become champion whack a mole players!😁

[Malkavscorpio]

So I have a couple monsters you haven’t named:
I’m successful monster- I make more money than my parents, I live on my own, I have my own car, my own place and I have a lot of expendable income so what if I decided to do a lil drugs this weekend. It’s in the budget.
Stress monster-well, my stress is a lil up and this will help you relax
Boredom monster-it’s not like I haven’t anything else to do right now, why not use?

[laran]

Can you do this topic but for the things that addicted people tell their naive loved ones? (“I’m not an alcoholic, I already stopped for 7 days.” “Trust me, I already learned my lesson and won’t ever do that drug again.” “I can cut back and control it.”)

[briannapfizenmaier]

You’ve brought me great healing and understanding. I can’t thank you enough.

[ec]

Addiction Demons

It will help me be more creative. I’m more easygoing if I have a little. What’s the point, life is miserable either way. Just buy some to prove that you can resist it. Everyone else has abandoned me, but _ has always been there. Sure, you woke up without your pants on and saw that you sent some hateful text messages to the people who love you and you choked one of your only true friends for some slight that you concocted in your delusional mind and felt utter shame for a week, but that was 2 weeks ago nobody is thinking about that anymore. At least I’m not on Heroine. She is probably going to leave me anyways. I go to work everyday, and I’m not hurting anybody but myself. I deserve it. And the demon king “internal silence and raw agony….you already know you will”.

[parise]

I have
Just last time, just a littel bit, everyone does it, you can't be an addict, only on special occasions, you just need to cut back, you dont hurting anybody but youreself, you already ruined it, it's none of their business,
My monsters changes their woises. But the monster Who is the strongest is....just one last time

[jillianngamotu]

Thank you so much for this. I knew nothing about drugs, I didn't even know synthetic marijuana existed. Sadly I married someone who was addicted to synthetic marijuana. This is so what I need to hear as I get so confused with the anger and projections towards myself I can't even begin to think through or rationalise what he is saying. Yesterday he started up again telling me he needed to relax so he could play the piano and write a song. Oh my ???

[jesskelloway]

I'm so glad I found your videos. They have been so helpful. I have a loved one who is an addict is struggling a lot now and i feel so lost on how to help him anymore. Understanding these triggers and why they happen is so important. It's so hard to let go of the ones we love and to see such potential be thrown away. I really am trying to educate myself as much as possible to be able to help him to recovery while maintaining a healthy boundary between us and trying to keep myself sane in the process.. its not easy nor is it for the weak.. i still have hope and i hope for a happy ending..

I am from a small island in Canada and the mental health and addiction crisis here is terrible.. with very little help available for those who truly need it. I wish there was more..

I'm binge watching now..
You ease my anxiety so much!!
Thank you!!💕

[Lemthepoetofficial]

Wow great video! One monster that my boyfriend suffered from the most is "I will have more fun if I go to it tipsy." So he would pregame before every concert, every festival, every party. What actually would happen is once we got to the event, he'd start getting really drunk by the time I was barely tipsy. Next morning he wouldn't remember what happened at the event.
I am like "remember this and this and this happened wow it was so fun". He'd be like ''I don't remember that night but I think I had fun" Like good job you just spent $300 on a concert that you didn't go to xD One of the first things he liked about not drinking is he remembers the events clearly now! I cannot wait to go to more concerts & festivals and reflect back on things. It is nice to make actually memories I am excited xD xD

[ChristineChismar]

Monster mouth…I don’t need a sponsor, AA, NA or smart recovery “ I can do it on my own”

[gwillis]

Getting the bulk discount on alcohol is not a good idea. This also applies to the deli also. I was once, long ago, Christmas help at a deli. We were told to mention the bulk boxes with ten sausages and fancy decorative paper wrappings to customers as often as possible. A mother turned me down by saying "The more I buy, the faster my sons eat the sausage. All it does is make me have to come back to the store that much sooner."