Avoid These Words (And Not Just at Work)

How does Adam Savage deal with colleagues who are knowledgable but condescending and judgmental of your work? After you land your dream job, what's next? In this live stream excerpt Adam answers questions from Tested members @Northof60Maker and @Chris Pitoniak, whom we thank for their support! What's the phrase that drives YOU crazy? (We vote for "Oh! I would have ...")

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Intro bumper by Abe Dieckman

Thanks for watching!

[tested]

What's the phrase that drives YOU crazy? (We vote for "Oh! I would have ...")
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[ChillBuilds]

I came in as a contractor on a major engineering project for a company. They described the product they were building (massive machine) and I thought "why don't you just do it this way instead?" I held it back and said "I'm new, they probably have a dozen reasons why, I'll just learn the project and do my job."

9 months later, someone says to me "You know, I was thinking about this project and why didn't we just do this?" (the same this) and people started to worry because it was actually a much simpler solution that should be just as effective.

Maybe don't say "why don't you just?", but the lesson is that it's worth saying SOMETHING.

[gabemik]

Avoiding the word 'just' is a constant, conscious effort for me. Compare these two sentences; "Sammy's not a doctor, he's a nurse." and "Sammy's not a doctor, he's just a nurse."

[andy-in-indy]

Being neurodivergent myself, I have learned that the correct response is to first ask, "Do you want help?" Sometimes people just want to vent their feelings.

[aikumaDK]

I was rightfully told off ages ago, when a classmate asked for help on an assignment and I started with "Oh yeah, that's easy, you just..."
Their retort came hours later over a text message and was essentially "if it was easy *for me*, I wouldn't have asked for help"

[kenbrown]

I found "I have to ask if you've tried is a good way to bring up those steps everybody should know, but people sometimes forget or skip.

[gussnarp]

When "why don't you just..." came out of your mouth, I almost screamed. I felt so validated. When I first met my wife she was the new stage manager at the company where I was a production electrician. She was very good and very experienced, but she would sit in tech meetings after rehearsals and when we were discussing a technical issue she had a real habit of saying "why don't you just....". She knew enough that her ideas were right a surprising amount of the time, but of course sometimes we had obviously already tried that. One day I told her she had to stop saying "why don't you just..." because even if she was right, she was just going to end up with defensiveness from the production staff as the effect of those words was really belittling our knowledge and experience. She no longer says those words and it's also something she always teaches young stage managers not to do. And in return, I always very seriously consider that her ideas are probably right and I need to consider them carefully, at the very least.

[Tvckrm]

You just made me realize I am that person. I’ve got some work to do

[GRW]

I've worked for a major research institute for over a quarter of a century. April was autism awareness month. I was talking with our lab manager, one of my favorite people, and observed to her that if you work routinely with scientists and engineers, you are aware of autism. She laughed and said it was so, so true.

[qualifiedcornstarch]

"It's good practice to isolate WHY they're hard to work with, and seek to not do that" is excellent advice.

[erikdietrich]

One of the phrases I've found very useful, when you see someone struggling, is: "do you want help or patience?" Sometimes people need to know that their struggle is seen AND their agency isn't being interfered with.

[tinyfistm.]

Adam, I don't get to say stuff like this often, but one of the reasons I value these videos of yours is because you have an infectious positivity. It does me a great deal of good if I'm feeling anxious or frustrated. It's soothing. I value that a lot. :)

[TheRcdood]

I always ask "can you do this?" Instead of "why don't you just" I think it gives the power to the person because your asking them instead of telling them as if they have the knowledge. It's always worked for me to bring two minds together instead of overpowering the other

[Abmotsad]

I learned this one, and it's amazing the affect it has on people:

Never say "You don't understand." Say, instead, "I feel I have failed to make myself clear."

Telling people they do not understand immediately puts them on the defensive. Acting as if the failure to communicate is YOUR problem makes people want to help you.

Now, make no mistake: you might be talking to a dolt. Dolts are real. Dolts are out there. But even if you know the problem is theirs, act as if it's yours.

[ryanmorten]

This is such a great call out. I've definitely been guilty of "why don't you just..."ing others without considering the baggage that comes with the phrase. I love seeing people in the comments working out better ways to communicate their good intent to help.

[MatthewMe]

Adam nails working in a salaried/corporate environment for the first time. Spend time understanding and "feeling" the company culture - how they interact, how people present solutions and problems, etc. Take notes and make it part of your thought process. Review it and adjust it often. Be good to work with, and focus on being someone who makes processes easier, not sand in the gears. And my add - for the first two or three months, spend nearly all of your time listening, then asking questions. Eagerness is not a bad thing to show, but for the first few months it needs to be almost entirely in action, not voice or direction. Good luck, and congrats!

[Kate-uozv]

As a "savant" Maker of 68 years of fixing anything and everything, I've used that phrase daily. Never thought of that phrase as condescending because I can see how to fix, remake or restore in my head. Thanks for pointing out the phrase "Why don't you just" as something I need to correct.

[proxywebs]

In an earlier time in my life as a tow truck operator I was in the service department of an auto dealership delivering a car. It was very busy, and the female service manager was jumping into the fray helping the staff deal with customers so they would not have to wait any longer than needed. She approached this very elderly man and asked if she could help him with his car issue. The response was something like this, “oh no you won’t be able to help me”. I caught her eye as she graciously said, ok let me get so and so to get you sorted. Later I had the opportunity to ask her if that was what I thought it was and she said, oh it happens to me all the time. She was a real pro and outstanding person!

[RacineVideo]

I was shouting “north of 60 = Older than 60.”

[psychic_wolf]

Thank you, Adam. I haven't heard anyone speak about the unintended consequences of phrases like "Why don't you just..." outside of a psychology of communication textbook. This message is so important.