Separate 3 Times, Become YOU!

Three separations: infantile, adolescent, social

Impediments: dead mothers, strict parents, nanny states and institutions

Each separation leads to self-state. It could be a healthy, functional self-state or, once impeded, a pathological one.

Autonomous self-state (grandiose vs. insecure or fearful)

Peer self-state (defiant vs. conforming)

Social self-state (collaborative vs. avoidant)

Disrupted self-states:

Autonomous (borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, covert)

Peer (schizoid, avoidant, codependent or people pleaser)

Social (antisocial, asocial, ostentatiously and self-sacrificially prosocial)

[rdwilliams]

I want to call you Baba Vaknin as a sign of respect. Your work extends beyond measure. We are all your sons and daughters and you are raising us just right. 🙏🏻

[Ami-dkpl]

I don't consider myself a perfect mother, far from it, but it makes me proud to know that I've never tried to hamper my sons freeing themselves from my influence, on the contrary.

[so.mucho.to.do.]

This vid is definitely changing Lives -- just undenniably, astonishingly, clearly, intuitively, Gold

[gennyzentella]

A very informative video, helps me to understand my problems now looking back at the dysfunctional upbringing I had. With dead mother, and strict but uninvolved working dad, who didn't know what was going on.

[violetgray]

Thanks so much for explaining that, Mummy. I really enjoy your videos, and their levity in discussing some pretty tough topics. Thank you for helping us understand the whys.

[Chez-kfcy]

Great lecture. Thanks. Emotional incest. Damn is that F'd up. I wonder if my BPD mother did that to me. I was the second and final child and i think my mother had reached the point not long after i was born where the Borderline vilifies her romantic partner. It might explain my three years older sibling being jealous of me my entire life. I remember feeling smothered by her with hugs and stuff and even pushing her away and avoiding her.

[gregoryyoung]

Excellent presentation, as usual! This really resonates on many levels...

[earlaalcide]

What happens when the mother is a dead mother, very distant to the child but the father is the one who is seemingly nurturing to the child to the point of smothering the child and not allowing the child to separate?

[marysmith]

The mental health system did not allow me to individuate.

[finalthoughts]

😅 "this is mummy speaking" love it

[zdenekherman]

Glorious explanation, Prof. Sam Vaknin!

[rademann]

Thank you Prof. Vaknin. Great Lecture that helped me understanding a part of my life.

[Александра__]

Sam, as always, you are very informative, structured, and detailed) thanks❤

[mirjamhansen]

I want to ask you, Sam Vaknin, what is the case, when a child has never known his mother - or his father ? But is raised by different foster families throughout his childhood ??? How does the seperation and individuation then proceed? The person I think of has not had a “motherfigure” he was bonded to, but has lived with more than one familiy through his childhood… He is now a grown up and not young man. Very kind human being (but I know he has struggled a lot, personally, by not having the chance to know his real parents)

[mlmmlml]

So sad my grandmother has been my and my mothers caretaker, whose mother despited her, being a female after loss of two brother siblings.

[allakolosova]

Amazing. Listerning your lectures. I think I have borderline personalities issues: my mother was not living with me till I was 15. When she was visiting me, I was crying when she was leaving, very difficult was to separate with her.

[olga-gqy]

Thanks a lot for this topic, really very useful and helpful to try to adjust some pathological dynamics of life.

[soundmind]

Dr. Sam,
If we have experienced disruptions during all three stages, how do we go about recovering our real selves, and functioning in a healthy way?

[claudiahough]

Thanks for this explanation Prof Vaknin very useful information

[stuartsenften]

I've Lived most of My Life with Schizoid Personality Disorder, which Led Me to Living a Squandered and Shallow Life, Thanks to My Cold, Absent Father, and His Sister, My Aunt, a Paranoid Schizophrenic..Sad Situation..Do you have any Videos Specifically Directed at Explaining Schizoid PD? Thanks Dr. Sam!