The Masculinity Paradox: Closing and Q+A - Sessions Live by Esther Perel

Esther Perel takes audience questions and comments to help drive conversation further around the lessons of the day.

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[jessicajacobson]

You can tell she spends her life thinking, researching, and pondering those questions. Love this.

[cassiofficial]

Ester seems completely aligned with reality an not working for a political agenda, for any side.

[franziskani]

great will have to listen several times to it.

[pistolen]

Too much vulnerability = emotional labor. Too little = toxic masculinity

[theprousteffect]

A woman comforting one of her female friends: she's being a good friend

A woman comforting her male partner: he's a child and she's mothering him

[andreapelayo]

This discussion touched on my biggest problems with a long term relationship in which indeed it was like parent child situation which I found as a total turn off. Sex became a bag of dry cotton balls literally for almost a decade. Scolding him so much for his adolescent behavior. Ugh. Lessons taken, thank you miss Esther. Enlightened here.

[SCheco]

Too many interesting points to touch on! The part where she said the masculinity can be taken away from men correlates well with a claim that exists in the manosphere. " Women are born, and men are made."
Basically, females' femininity is innate but the men have to forge their masculinity and earn the right to be called men. Right now a lot of men including myself are struggling with earning our manhood by society standards. I'm a millennial if that means anything. I'm glad women are having these discussions as well because a lot of men are too.

[fuerte_y_flexible]

you are the best Esther Perel, thank you somuch for all the value on this video

[margaretahogberg]

I might say I admire you, you are so funny and still so serious.
I love this, I love to listen to it all because you telling about it so easily.
Thank you 😊💕

[Succeshero-ywrl]

Esther! I love you so much!! What an amazing woman you are 😍
Hugs from the Netherlands

[DaveE]

i thought it was interesting when she said "and then you maternalize it" in description of careing for her partner and that there should be two ways of caregiving that are seperate. im finding guys need to kinda build up strong boundries and a truly deep sense of self, like to approach vulnerability from a strong frame that assumes a story, not a answer. we need to teach patience int he problem solving, but be willing to constantly connect relationally and informationaly and on the levels of somatic/emotional/cognitive. We also all need to heal from our trauma as it distorst our identy in so many ways.

[akumacode]

32:10 what an extremely loaded and presumptuous question

[nessav]

I like the idea that some partners give caregiving in a maternal way and how this does not promote good sex in a relationship. I understand this very clearly. I think this also extends to other actions in the relationship where a partner controls some aspect or is the only contributor and how this can become a 'parent-child' relationship.

[thisisntallowed]

The fact that there are more women in these groups talking about masculinity than men themselves reflects the emotional work/caregiving role women take for men, which I find very unnatractive

[leeedmunds]

Hi, what you said about men wanting and being excited by the clear excitement and genuine willingness(?) of their partner really resonated with me. The female sexual narcissistic traits are interesting too, while the two seem to complement each other I wonder how ultimately destructive this is for the female. I think its great to get these narratives into the mainstream... seems like they could help ease tensions with both sexes. Thanks

[mattplaydrum]

This is truly wonderful. Thank you for giving words to feelings that are so challenging to express.

[dwinsemius]

Lightbulb moment for me. @38:00 Men and women are allocated different vocabularies: "sex" for men; "feelings" for women.

[HugDealer]

I completely agree (have heard it first hand) that the biggest turn on for most man is to see a woman turned on by them, as Ester states around minute 24:00. But rather than predatory fear I think this has a narcissistic component. "If I turn her on, it means I am highly desirable as a man". Men want to please. But you sometimes see that outside the bedroom, they give little crumbs, even if they know this does not please a woman at all. When something does not inflate their ego, suddenly the same people that want to please in the bedroom may not be so interested in pleasing others...

[EsHenao]

Is insane how JBP message gets twisted in this circles. What they probably would never accept is that the men who actually follows JBP lectures are the ones who will support the right ideas in their movement ans are actively looking forward women to find and achieve their best selves.

[alibeaumont-filder]

Again fascinating .. and very curious.