The 4 R's of Responding to Dementia Distress

How to Calm Your Loved One with Dementia When They're Distressed

Ever felt helpless when trying to calm a loved one with dementia who is distressed, scared, or anxious? You're not alone. In today’s video, Dr. Natali reveals four life-changing strategies to help your loved ones find peace and comfort during their most challenging moments. Whether it’s through reassurance, redirection, reflection, or retreat, you'll learn how to effectively manage and significantly reduce the stress and anxiety experienced by those with dementia.

What You'll Learn in This Video:

- Reassurance Techniques: How simple words of comfort can make a big difference.
- Redirection Methods: Redirect their focus in a way that feels caring, not dismissive.
- Reflection Strategies: Acknowledge their feelings to help them feel heard and understood.
- Retreat Tips: Know when to give them space safely.

Dr. Natali also responds to a real scenario from a viewer dealing with her father’s distressing delusions. See how these approaches can be applied in real-life situations to bring relief to both you and your loved one.

💬 Let Us Know: Which of the four R’s will you try next? Comment below with your thoughts or share your own experiences. We love hearing from you and learn together as a community!

🐾 And remember, every subscription gives Niko a belly rub, so hit that red subscribe button for some puppy love!

🗞️ Stay Connected:

🔗 YouTube Playlists To Explore:

#DementiaCare #DementiaAwareness #CaregiverSupport #DementiaHelp #CaregivingTips #dementiadistress #ChallengingDementiaBehaviors
__
📜 DISCLAIMER: The content of this video - or any content by Dementia Careblazers - does not replace the need for healthcare professionals. Our content is not healthcare advice and is not a substitute for your own healthcare. It is for general education only. Do not use this content to self-diagnose or self-treat any health, medical, or physical condition. By consuming content from Dementia Careblazers, you agree to hold harmless and indemnify Dementia Careblazers LLC for any and all losses, injuries, or damages resulting from any and all claims that arise from your use or misuse of this content. All content or recommendations on the company’s website, social media, blog, or email series. All comments from Dementia Careblazers’ are expressions of opinion only.

👩‍🔬 I'm Dr. Natali Edmonds, a board-certified geropsychologist. (A clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults.) One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
__
It’s our mission to make dementia caregiving easier for families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, frontotemporal dementia, lewy body dementia, vascular dementia, or any other type of dementia. We believe that in order to create a more dementia friendly world, we must first create a caregiver friendly world. That's why we create free educational training videos like this one so that anyone with an internet connection can get access to dementia care information.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[contagiousintelligence]

1. Reassurance (we are there to help them)
2. Redirection (comes only after you tired to reassure them, ‘let’s go have a cup of coffee in the kitchen’)
3. Reflection (when they talk about unreal things, just let them talk. You don’t need to agree with them, just listen)
4. Retreat (if they are upset with you, just withdraw from their presence with some pretence)

[socalogp]

Hey Dr Natali! I want to add a 5th R which is what I call Resolution! I have used this countless times with my Mom and it has never failed me. In your example, I would simply tell my Mom, "It's ok Mom, your work just called me and I spoke with the lawyers and they told me that it was a HUGE mistake and there is no problem at all. You're not in any trouble and they're very happy with your work". Again, this approach has worked for me every time and I hope it will continue to do so. Maybe work for others as well. LOVE your channel and thanks for all you do! ✌

[tehanua]

I'm dealing with a client right now who seems to weaponize her emotions against her caregivers. She gets upset easily, and talks badly to her family on the phone about the people who try to care for her. Really frustrating. She's very dependent and doesn't seem able to admit this, either. Can't stand on her own, or even turn over in bed sometimes. I love this job, but man some clients make it really hard.

[pch]

Asking questions without actually agreeing with (reinforcing) her worries does seem to help with my mother, as does using a calm voice and holding her hand as we're talking. At the moment, she mainly blows things out of all proportion. Trivial things become massive problems to her. I find dealing with the problem straight away, and telling her I'm dealing with it, does move her on.

[larryschoonover]

I like these suggested 4 R's- I use these in times of my wife's distressful moments and i say they work! My wife's Neurologist keeps wanting to prescribe another medication. I say NO! I have learned that when I reflect with my wife, and tell her that her emotion at this time is not her fault and it comes and goes, and that I will be with her through whatever is happening in her brain, the symptom passes on its own and i tell her that I love her and she is not alone.
Sometimes I have to retreat for awhile and some times i redirect her attention.
These 4 methods work much faster than any medication and have no side effects as medication can have.
usually my wife just needs to be held in my arms, or i sit beside her for awhile, and i like that too. holding my wife's hand helps me.

[lyta]

I just did all of these yesterday. It took a good two hours for her to calm down. There is no magic bullet. Listening, going for a drive "home", trying to tell her the people she thought were supposed to be at the house when we got back weren't due until next week (immediately rejected), reflecting her emotions. She was almost crying from anxiety, it was so hard to watch. For retreating I would also add that you can retreat by being silent, not just by physically withdrawing. She didn't speak while we drove, and she didn't want to talk so I just left the radio on and let her be. I had my brother call and distract her by telling her all about the genealogy research he was doing. She finally distracted herself with some her old collections and eventually got some peace and sleep.

[amtrue_]

I'm a daughter, sister and amazing caregiver. The four RRRRs have been test driven by me and my brother. I'm a member of the Careblazer Care Collective Community aka the four CCCCs. You will start to count your successes in caregiving and less on what doesn't seem to be working. 😊

[cathyviviano]

Thank you for posting this advice. My mom often gets upset and reassurance doesn't work when she feels frightened. She wants us to agree with her delusions and doesn't respond well to redirection. Reflection is such helpful advice. Today when she called to tell me people stole from her room at the retirement home again (that is what she calls about regularly and we know it isn't true as a camera has been installed in her room), I wrote down what she said to give me something to do and then read back to her a few things and at the end, she said: "thank you for listening". I did tell her I would help her look for the items when I visit on the weekend and we'll figure it out.

[AnneRault]

Thank you for your help, Dr. Natali. I mention your YouTube videos when I am talking to anyone about dementia because they were so helpful to me when I was caring for my husband with the disease. Sadly he passed away on March 30 this year and is finally at peace. I will continue to watch your videos to educate myself so I can be helpful to others dealing with caregiving. You are an absolute treasure!!!

[cathyviviano]

I mention your videos when I explain to others how much I've learned about dementia which helps me deal with my mom. I have sent your channel link to my sisters to help them too. So helpful. Thank you.

[ronica]

For me, the only things that work are redirection (changing the subject) or retreating (oh, I forgot to check your mail for you). The other ones don’t work. If I tell him I’m there to help him, I get “IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP ME JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO!!!!” Etc….

[ronwilkinson]

I guess I used redirect the other day, my husband fell, emt’s couldn’t get a blood pressure because he was so scared and shaking, I just made eye contact up close and softly sang ‘You Are My Sunshine’. He calmed and emt got their reading. I saw a video where Teepa Snow sang to an Alzheimer’s patient . I’m sure it wasn’t my not so great singing, but gave him another focus.

[gregoryglen]

Thank you so much. I just had an episode with Dad. He thought he had accidentally killed a person. He was terrified and I didn’t know what to do. I wish I would have watched your video on using the 4 R’s sooner. But at least now, if something comes up I will have some tools to hopefully handle things better for my dear Dad.

[pattilowery]

Really helpful, so much anger, nice to have some choices!

[BabsCote]

Thank you so much for all you do ❤️🙏❤️

[robertar.]

Hello and thank you. I sometimes have to use all of them.

[MJBilbo]

I have discovered something interesting in keeping my wife settled down. She's 86 and in what I suppose are the "early stages" of dementia. When I prepare our meals, I'm only using what I'm calling "Happy Bowls" and "Happy Plates" and "Happy Cups or Mugs" - of all things, it's the Pioneer Woman stuff from Walmart in those floral patterns!!! The other ones she likes are those plain yellowish, greenish, bluish bowls, plates and cups from the 1940s and 50s, and thank God the Chinese are making reproductions of those (and of course the Pioneer Women stuff). I've gotten rid of all the Correll stuff and everything glass, except she does like the tall, thick glass style from, again, 40s and 50s that they used to have at soda fountains.

[csillaczako]

Any advise for caregivers how to stay calm and have patience while taking care of someone with dementia

[teribeefplate]

❤ Probably the most helpful video I've found yet. Thank you.

[ginatartaglia]

Very helpful! I've utilized all effectively except REFLECTION, and Will definitely try this method
Grateful for YOU miss Natali!