Ministry, Masculinity, and Why Men Leave Church: Some Theological Musings

Some thoughts. Nothing controversial. At all.

Comment below!

More NTT series:

________________

Like-Share-Subscribe!
#Masculinity #Theology #jordanpeterson

[MrTimotheousWard]

I like to play this out as a thought experiment and the problem gets intractable.

First I think about the reasons I don't like church. Just to pick a few things: The teaching is often not something I'm trying to learn. The music is syrupy and boring. The people are busy bodies and judgmental.

Okay so now I think of solutions: The sermons are about topics I'm wrestling with. The music is super cool, something like ska-punk or anthem trance, and everyone is super chill and just like me. Boom! the perfect perfect church... to me...

Which is an obvious problem. Because no one else but me will be happy with these changes.

It's also not obvious to me that the solution would be to come up with a different mixture of all those things that's perfectly customized for the demographic averages of the Churches population. So I don't know what to do really.

I've just come to accept that Church isn't fun interesting or even that beneficial to me. But I go there instead to help out and serve, which in turn helps me be more interested.

I'm not going to put my very specific aesthetic, intellectual and interpersonal needs at the feet of everyone at my church. It's not fair. Not everything I go to or do in life has to be my favorite thing, so I don't see why church has to be either.

That's where I've arrived on this topic. I feel like there's a better answer out there somewhere, but I haven't found it.

[wesleybasener]

Something that bugs me about men's ministry, is that it seems to always imply that marriage is the end goal and singleness is a transitional period.

[PrewittHomestead]

I think you have some interesting musings. I would be curious to see some challenging conversations regarding this subject. Ephesians 4:3 says to be united in the spirit and let peace bind us together. Maybe this would be a good word to expand on why men are leaving the church. We do not feel bound together in peace because the message doesn't reach us, it's dominated by women, the BBQ is all about football, etc.. Maybe Paul's suggestion of using peace to bind us together is a good place to start.

[imago]

So, I’m one of those who has a difficult time inside the church and don’t go all too often. My main problem is that I desire something that the New Testament describes. That is a diverse family you may not always agree with on things (Essentials are necessary) with a meal (the Lord’s supper as a meal), and the gifts of the spirit, exchanged among one another, for the others benefit. Many of these things are lacking in what is called the “Church” which, for some odd reason, is considered to be the building, instead of the individuals who are different parts of Christ’s body. The main problem with “Church” is the elevation of a few instead of the inclusion of the whole body. It stifles the bodies full expression for the work of a few who may be controlling, glory hogs and unable be see that Christ has called everyone, and not just a few special people to ministry.

[SusanMorales]

I’m surprised to hear men are leaving the church because I’ve always felt that there is more for a man to identify with in the messages for example or Bible stories. A lot of the messages have men as the leading characters. I would think that would resonate with men more. I agree with your recommendations and caution about the numbers. My own personal experience has been that churches make people feel excluded by only allowing a minority of the church to be “leaders” and everyone else “volunteers”. Often the leaders have their friends which can come across as a clique and people (men and women) feel outed.

Musician men for example are vulnerable to the production mentality. They feel like they are only there to serve/be on stage and then hang out during the preaching. I’m not sure this inspires a connection to church necessarily.

A family member of mine used to be very involved in church and then something happened (not very Christ-like behavior) with the leadership that quenched his fire so to speak.

I think it is a very complicated problem, hence my scattered thoughts, but I just think that if the Holy Spirit is working in a man that loves the Lord, he will go to church despite the issues.

[jenna]

Here's what I saw as a woman and wife and mother in a mainstream pretty vanilla church: Men who weren't the pastor, a deacon, or a trustee were emasculated. My husband's experience in the church was essentially "You can teach the children. Us REAL Men will take care of you, your family, and everything else." What I call "The Pastor's office" (listed above) usurped my husband's role as leader of our family, of our home. He wasn't honored by those people as leading a household. He was more of an appendage. The pecker (not a mistake for "pecking") order is REAL in churches. Glad I'm OUT.

[peterfox]

Like Bible studies or other small groups, "men's groups" are primarily social. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is when a person is criticized for not wanting to participate.

[edgarbelmonte]

I believe men/humans will not be able to change what's in the Bible prophesies of current times(Revelations). What's written about the future/ current churches can't be changed. Whatever happens.. it was written before I was born.

[peterfox]

"I don't talk sports... except for baseball and hockey"

So, you talk sports 🙃

[wesleybasener]

I'd be your friend if you weren't a leafs fan