Why humans are surprisingly bad at being happy | Laurie Santos

Your brain isn’t wired for happiness — but you can change that, explains Yale scientist Laurie Santos.

Sometimes, it’s really hard to be happy. And there’s a reason for that: the human brain isn’t hard-wired for happiness — happiness isn’t essential for survival. And to make matters worse, our minds can deceive us when it comes to happiness, leading us to chase things that won't make us happy in the long run.

To solve for this, Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos recommends a set of practices, dubbed "re-wirements.” These practices include prioritizing social connection, being other-oriented, focusing on gratitude and blessings, and incorporating exercise into our daily routine.

By understanding the common pitfalls of our thinking and adopting new behaviors, we can achieve true happiness, and make it last. For Santos, happiness isn’t just a state: it’s an ongoing practice.

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[raymondtendau]

The happiness Essentials
1.Something to Do.
2.Something or someone to love.
3.Something to hope for.
-Ikigae

[tonyasmith]

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point: if this isnt nice, I dont know what is."

- Kurt Vonnegut

He also said something along the lines of "what a shame it is to be happy and not even notice"

I read this when i was in high school and that mentality has sustained me through my life so far

[kimstacks]

This is a great video by a knowledgeable expert. So I made this quick summary. Enjoy!~

At 1:27 4 annoying features of mind that make us bad at being happy
1. intuitions (we think X makes us happy, but we are wrong)
2. reference points (even when we do well objectively, we compare ourselves to other people doing better, we feel bad)
3. hedonic adaptation (even when something makes us happy, over time we get used to it.)
4. impact bias ( we overestimate how long and how much specific events or outcomes make us happy)

At 4:00 we can rewire our minds in 5 ways. Aka 5 rewirements:

1. social connection (spend time with other people. Undersociality - we underestimate the impact on how much social connection affects our happiness. As an introvert, I will add that I also keep forgetting how happy I feel when I take part in social activities that I do enjoy with people I like. Also personally, this should also be under the annoying feature.)
2. Other-orientedness (doing nice things for other people. We think more self-care is important for happiness. But actually happy people spend more time helping other people and donating more money to other people.)
3. Gratitude (focus on blessings not the negatives in life. Simple technique is write down 3-5 things grateful for every night)
4. Savoring (paying attention to the good stuff in life. that nice latte you just mindlessly gulped down writing emails. You be happier if you can savor it and pay attention to the richness of the taste)
5. EXercise (we forget that minds are embodied. Minds are connected to our bodies, so we should move ard more)

[neco]

Over time I have learned that my number one tell whether I get depression is whether I move enough. And that simply moving about, sit down in the park and even just do the same as at home, that is stare at my phone, is immensity helpful. Really, minimal movement and good light are such simple things and do so much

[ThingsILove]

This woman is incredibly easy to listen to- I love her sense of calm.

[subhodeepghosh]

Several decades of research about happiness in a nutshell within 9 minutes. Loved it.wonderful.

[modiddymo]

Remarkable how much modern research is validating ancient wisdom. We’ve created a society that believes new is good and old is bad. Have we really evolved emotionally beyond our ancestors of 500 years ago or 1000 years ago? Why do we eschew centuries of cumulative philosophy and worship our own modern selves to our own detriment? I’m not saying we take ancient wisdom unquestioned, but it baffles my mind how we keep repeating history because we’re too busy to look back at where we came from.

[breal]

The happiest I've been in life was when I was walking daily on a beautiful nature trail with a cousin that I loved dearly. I felt connected, healthy, and at peace. Exercise did what meds could not. So whenever I feel gloomy, I go for a walk and my sadness disappears like magic.

[zenastronomy]

completely ignores the artificial life we've built of 50hr work week, clocks, schedules, bills, chores, artificial lighting, disturbed sleep, processed food, etc.

if you take a fish out of water, it isn't going to be happy.

[maryann]

I think another annoying feature of the mind is it's tendency to remember bad things from the past like regrets, guilt, embarrassments, shame, loss etc, whereas I think if we could learn to train our thoughts to focusing more on the present and the future it would make us happier, it's just easier said than done sometimes, when those thoughts creep in.

[emmathomas]

I have to say, daily gratitude practice saved me from anorexia… not my psychologist
Writing down 3 pieces of gratitude using apps was so practical and life changing

[HeatherHolt]

I blame social media for most of the unhappiness people feel, especially teenagers and young adults. Comparing yourself to highly styled and curated posts from “influencers” is awful. And most of all, no one ever wants to be content with who and where they are and what they have. Everyone always wants something more, something new. When is it ever enough??

[Victor_Fontenele]

Happiness practices:
Social connection
Other-Orientedness
Gratitude
Savoring
Exercise

[Justineyedia]

Kegley's Principle of Change: It is easier to behave your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of behaving. It's easier to act your way into new ways of feeling than to feel yourself into new ways of acting. We can behave ourselves into new ways of thinking more than we can think our way into new ways of behaving. The reason for this is because our consciousness succumbs all too easily to unconscious influences, and these are often truer and wiser than our conscious thinking. We adapt to our environment more easily than we can have our environment adapt to us. Ultimately, we are not what we think. We are what we do, not what we think or say we will do.

[bhatkat]

I'm now 66 and have been working in these directions for half of my life. And can assure you that shutting down the comparison game is quite doable indeed, I attacked this problem with the cognitive behavioral technique and was quite delighted with the excellent results. I have a classic text on envy that examines the subject in many cultures but he seems to have little optimism about controlling it. My experience tells me otherwise as it hasn't been a problem in decades now. Using this and other techniques has improved my life considerably in multiple ways, would take a lot of paper to write it all up.

[nomodusproject]

She's my online lecturer in Coursera - The Science of Well-Being. Love her so much.

[wecanjump]

The antidote to unhappiness is gratitude. And that has to be practiced daily.

[userone]

As someone who is hsp, the concept of savoring resonates with me deeply. I enjoy taking a moment to sip on a refreshing cold Coke or let a piece of chocolate melt on my tongue, allowing the flavors to linger for a few seconds. It's as if I have the remarkable ability to slow down time, and I find that incredibly cool.

[danielvalvo]

Almost all of these things were discussed and dealt with by stoic and Buddhist philosophers 1000s of years ago. Most of our feelings and experiences aren’t new and people back then went through the trouble of writing down what they figured out so we don’t have to start at 0. Let’s use that!

[kevinsayes]

I believe that the structure of our workweek/careers, virtually consuming the entirety of people’s most vital years, the way money works nowadays, and the powerlessness we feel re: doing anything about the status quo lead to this. Everything just gets more and more expensive, we are force fed how divided we are (falsely) and that everything we feel and do is wrong and offending someone. Overall I feel we are purposely driven by fear, overstimulated, and hyper-compared to everyone else in society constantly. Truly modern life has only emerged in the last 30 years (the difference in living in 1925 vs 1955 can’t even compare to living in 1990 vs 2020, IMO), and we’re doing 100, 000 years of catching up.