HOW TO KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE A CHURCH: 5 red flags that let you know it's time to go

Leaving a church should be a difficult decision in a believers life. But sometimes you just don't have any choice. In this video we take a look at the 5 red flags that indicate massive spiritual unhealth in a church and, consequentially, may be telling you it's time to find a new church home.

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[Jassyladyy]

So #5 actually happened to me and now it’s hard to like tell people why without like telling everyone why. Any tips on how to tell people that you ministered or fellowshipped with why you left without telling everything?

[Gewuerzgurke]

My Summary:
Disclaimer: Carefully think about your decision
Ordered ascended
1. 4:00 Bible arrogance
2. 5:10 Pastor Worship > God Worship
3. 6:30 Peoples Opinion > Gods Opinion
4. 8:50 Inability to handle conflicts
5. 10:45 Lying Leaders

[Skipper]

Sadly I left my home church because of all the divisions that was happening due to gossip that wasn't being resolved. Also I left because some people tried to get rid of our first pastor. But he died in 2016. Then our second pastor left because of controlling people who always challenged our pastor and always wanted things their way. I was controlled, gaslighted, and abused constantly by that church. Now I am praying and asking God to help me find a church that God wants me to be in.

[theOlLineRebel]

#1 red flag - rainbow flag, which leads to red flag. Also, any other virtue-signaling flags. All of which lead to the red flag.

[christinac]

Excellent 5 flags. I've been a believer for over 30 years and I've witnessed all of this. Currently at a church that is not perfect, because there are people in it, however it's healthy! Thank you April.

[jonathanhall]

I left my church after 20 years of attendance/membership. I was saved in that church, baptised in the Holy Spirit and in water. (I didn't know anything about doctrine when I first started attending). I was quite idealistic about the church environment in the beginning, but I didn't expect perfection in the church. I naively believed that everything that came from the pulpit was the gospel truth. I served in the hospitality ministry and was prominent in the weekly church prayer meeting. My disconnection was a process which took years and was not painless. I can identify with some of the red flags that you have indicated. I became increasingly disillusioned as some of what was being preached was not the gospel. I think you can ruin a sermon with one or two false statements. There was also an unhealthy subtle aspect of manipulation and control, I often thought that the senior pastor was put on a pedestal. Sunday sermons eventually became a test of endurance, and I often left feeling frustrated and angry. I now attend a different church where the preaching is focused and relevant. As I said I don't expect perfection, but when the same untruths keep regularly popping up, then for me that is a big red flag.

[johnsmit]

I think my problem relates to honoring those in authority especially as it relates to church leadership. Even with those who aren't outwardly proud and self seeking, pastors don't want to hear anything negative about them or their churches even if it is constructive. For example, 4 of us in our church went to the pastor to discuss the importance of prayer for effective ministry. We had been praying together for an increase in the church but felt that more people needed to be praying, especially the church leadership. He assigned an assistant pastor to work with us to facilitate this but nothing really came of it. From then on, I always felt like he was giving me a cold shoulder.
I had a similar response from another pastor who has a real gift of teaching but rarely made a call for salvation. There was one night I really felt conviction of the Holy Spirit after a powerful teaching but it just grieved my heart that we just went on to a closing song. God wants people getting saved!

[troymccullagh]

If leaders cover up, make excuses for, or minimalize sexual abuse enabling the abuser to get off with just saying "I'm sorry" but not major discipline then you need to leave the church. Also being spiritually abused through manipulation and gaslighting taking advantage of your loyalty and good nature is a huge red flag.

[guardianmeister]

these issues all have one thing in common: layers of man-made control

here are some of the best safeguards:
-KNOW your Scripture (a deep, rich, growing, refining, transforming, perfecting understanding of all Scripture
is part of the glorious inheritance in Christ)
-consider the sufferings of the early church (in particular, those of Paul, whose apostleship sits as
the anchor for church among the gentiles)
-understand the difference between the New and Old Covenants ... in particular, understand that the Old
Covenant has been cancelled
-understand Grace and Law and the relationship of the two
-understand that you are not UNDER law ... rather, the Law is now your kind advisor (because you are in Christ)

[azranger]

I needed this video!! We are in the process of leaving a church and I have had some doubts about doing this. I really hate it because we love the people there. As I listened to this I realize that the first four of your reasons are exactly what is happening. #4 issue, we have seen others told to not come back because of some talent/gift they have attempted to use that the pastor doesn't like. He is a one man staff. He doesn't see the need for deacon/elders. No accountability!! We have toured for 30 years as musicians and are not able to be used because the pastor does not like our Southern Gospel style. He calls it show off/hypocritical. There are several other areas I have tried to get involved and have been shut down ETC. For instance, We had no usher staff so I tried to get one going. I received a letter stating, "This is the way we want you to do this". His way or the highway. Fortunately God is using us in other churches now where praise team or pastor is off. Nuff said!!

[JamesRichardWiley]

When you are willing and able to take responsibility for your own life you could leave, leaving your friends is the hard part until you gain new ones.

[susandumbill]

Single women - if the married pastor shows a sexual interest in you, and/or touches you in a sexual way, no matter how 'insignificant' it seems - it's time to get out.

[FashnLaDieS]

Ephesians 4:5 & 6 "One God, one faith, one baptism."

[starlingswallow]

Conviction!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I used to change church like underwear 😢
I've always wanted to be what I hoped to find in the church: open and authentic. Unfortunately I was met, a lot, with people who saw openness and authenticity as crazy. Many were playing church, and they believed if you are experiencing hardships, then you are in sin and God is mad at you!!!!
I was in an abusive marriage and when I tried to talk to church family/leadership about it, I was met with: are you giving him enough __x? Are you cooking dinners on time? Are you submitting enough to him?
Then: pray harder, don't nag, read the Bible more, etc.

Oh, man.

[thejoywithin]

#5! Seriously, we had a pastor once sit down with us for a Matthew 18 conflict conversation, to call US out for sin in a situation where he had directly lied to me (in an email conversation, so there was proof), and I had very gently responded with no, that was not the case. I remember being super nice about it, assuming he simply did not remember the conversation correctly, but because I dared to challenge what he had said, he met with us to tell me I was sinning by being insubordinate to his leadership. We stayed for nearly two years after that incident, but we learned to never challenge anything he ever said, right or wrong. When we did finally leave, my husband looked back at the day he sat us down in our living room for that conversation as the day we should’ve left that church. 😔

The only other things I would add to your list of red flags are pastors who compromise on sin issues, and those who are unable to take helpful criticism from staff serving beneath them. We had one pastor suggest we should’ve aborted our oldest (who was like 5 or 6 at the time), and another who defended the “benefits” of abortion 🤔 That plus, the number one thing we’ve learned from serving on staff at churches is, never ever ever, even suggest your pastor made a mistake, even unintentionally. Needless to say, we no longer serve on staff at any church; it’s a million times easier to be volunteers 😂😂😂

[BishopSeraph]

So I'm a wandering Bishop, I take it upon myself to visit churches to see if they are corrupt or God fearing. The last church I visited was very loving and family oriented. But the so-called pastor, who was not ordained. Started telling me that I cheated becoming a Bishop and that he wanted me to go through his church's process to become as he said "a proper minister" even though I am already ordained and have been elected a Bishop by my holy counsel. The goal of this so-called pastor was to shame me and embarrass me into following his denomination. This is a huge toxic trait of churches these days of trying to fill as many seats as they can and gain control over the people that attend their church.

[Krista]

Other than the basic gospel salvation message there is a lot more false teaching in the church that is leading people astray including new age ideas, prosperity gospel which to me are huge red flags.

[willmosher]

Thank you for posting this video. It helps a lot.

I went through 4 and 5 last year - not even going through 1, 2, and 3 in my mind at this point. I tried to talk to the music minister in person and he dismissed me pretty quickly (on the worship team). He was condescending and patronizing towards me. But, then in the spring of last year it became clear he was lying to me about his past experiences, things he had said to me he was doing, and about things he said he had done for work that involved me. He was changing his story. I figured out he was a manipulator and a user. I had felt God speaking to me telling me that my time there was coming to a close. The last couple of rehearsals I just had this feeling "Is this the last one?". I knew the worship minister and likely others were going to cross the line.

I had met with two other pastors after informing the church early last year that I felt God may be calling me to leave and go back to my Baptist roots (and that is how I felt). I knew something was off with the leadership because of statements they were making and how they were handling major decisions. When I met with both pastors, I tried to discuss some family stuff when I first spoke and they pretty quickly dismissed what I had to say. They had more interest in what they had to say than what I did. I pretty much knew at the point that the pastoral leadership was lost. I really had held out hope that things were not where I thought they were, but the music minister and his associate (that is not exactly their titles but keeping it simple) finally crossed the line early in the summer. The music minister crossed the line in rehearsal on a Wednesday night (musical stuff - take too long to explain), and the associate' one's decision to not speak with me after I emailed him the day after about stepping down gradually was the final straw. He acknowledged my first email about meeting up, but he did not acknowledge me again after I said that I did not want to meet for lunch but at the church. I was ready for a confrontation with both guys and lunch would not have been the appropriate place for it. I did not show up that Sunday to say the least and have not returned. I informed the organist that Friday afternoon/evening that I would not be coming Sunday because I knew no response was coming on a Saturday.

This is not the first time that I have been through this. I went through this my senior year in high school with the music minister (who was my cousin) and his wife (again I was on the praise team). It is always the music area where this stuff happens with me. People were complaining about my posts on Facebook saying that I was trying to look "spiritual". I guess they figured I had no clue what I was posting and that I was posting just to post. I laugh at that now because my senior year of high school still ranks as one of the worst years of my life for so many reasons. I have PTSD about it still to this day. I guess getting closer to God and trying to find peace in the midst of a storm (frankly caused by the very people complaining - a few on the praise team) was not allowed in their minds. I was way more inexperienced at handling stuff at 18 then I am now. That one took years to heal from as I had grown up in that church for eighteen years.

I have moved on to another church now and have not quit the faith, but my heart aches still from both, but the more recent one still stings a lot. I had friends there and though the music minister was my friend but clearly not.

[tfarrin]

On Baptism being required for salvation- Jesus Christ said in Mark 16:16 "He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved, but he who disbelieves will be condemned. Also we see in Acts 2:38 Peter says that baptism is for the forgiveness of sins. We can look at Acts 22:16 Ananias had come to Paul who had been praying for 3 days and he said "And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name."

It is true the bible doesn't say "Join the church", but Acts 2:41 tells us after the people were baptized then they were added to the church. The Lord is the one who adds us to the church.

[theverystones]

My ex pastor used to lie by omission all the time to me. Absolutely used and abused me by manipulating me in ministry, it was so subtle and yet eventually completely undeniable. You cannot reason with such people