Unsolicited Advice Giving is a Form of Controlling Behavior

[dalemorris]

SO sick of unsolicited advice. The one giving it thinks she knows more than everyone else. Definitely a form of control.

[eirikmurito]

Im usually ok with people who gives me advice but i cant stand people who gives me advice and then gets mad when i say no

[NilpointPerfectPeace]

My grandmother said when I visited them up North during wintertime at age 13 "Oh no, you can't go out your not used to these temperatures! You could lose your toes because you don't know when to go inside.." My grandfather said to her: "She is a smart kid, Alice." and to me: "You can go outside, without your toes falling off, right? Be home before dark! "

Both loved me equally. One gave me confidence and one thought I would not be able to handle myself. I know the difference on how each influenced me on how I saw myself, even today 32 years later. I love them both but my grandfather out of all adults I had in my life (and I did not see him often) stuck with me in a really exceptional way. Because, well, he just was my hero for some reason. And also probably because he maybe was the only one that made me feel that he had faith in my abilities and made me feel confident that I could handle life. I wish I could have been more like him in that sense, in my role as a mother who's like my grandmother plagued with endless worries.. And unintentionally signaling to my daughter that I think she's not capable enough in my eyes. This subject has really hit me deep tonight as I'm evaluating things..

Maybe besides this subject-matter, but my grandmother also taught me a very valuable lesson when I had become a mother and visited her with my then 2 y/o daughter. She was 97 years old and I had just asked her how she had handled having 7 children while I was "struggling" raising just one.. She said something about raising kids and then her mind wondered off a little and she quietly said "Yeah... Allll those things we worry about in life.. And then you're 97 and none of them ever happened.." Love you Grandmama & Grandpapa..

[Bea]

Can't thank them for their unsolicited advice, that only serves to make them feel their advice was welcome and needed and then they continue to do it

[inquisitorkrieger]

My mother acts like this. She is the queen of unasked for opinions or advice. I don't talk to her very much due to it and my other siblings are too chicken crap or deluded to call her out on her toxic BS as I have.

[Sarahizahhsum]

I realize I am giving a lot of unsolicited advice. I'm gonna end this bad habit right now. Never again.

[danielaraba]

I will give unsolicited advice again. Its bad. And sometimes annoying.

[trinap.]

I was on a Bible study and mentioned i wanted something I'm praying for...one of the members offered unsolicited advice. I was pissed. I texted him...thanks for your insight I didn't ask for. He called after and I said while I appreciate your care and concern, dont assume I needed your advice. That's my boundary, now you know.

[christopherestrada]

Thank you. I thought I was going insane for not being a humble listener

[oldgreasychips]

i got pissed at my neighbor for constantly doing this and called him stupid so now im a bad guy.

[willstanton]

Experienced this today from a random guy at my gym trying to coach me repeatedly. I calmly told him I wasn't really interested in the advice unless it was from one of the coaches. He shut up pretty quick. Funny thing is, just before I started the workout, I saw him give me that look like I was a threat. So yeah, it's definitely a controlling thing. Sometimes you just gotta shut it down without being too nice, otherwise they'll think they can get away with it.

[sloebone]

Some kid tried to correct my technique while I was doing curls today. He barely spoke English and I barely speak Spanish so he was kinda miming telling me to keep my back straight. I was like, okay, cool, thanks, I got this. But he wouldn’t let it go. He was using hand signals to say I should cut my weight down so I could have better form. I was using a fairly heavy weight by design, I wanted to increase my normal weight and do some loose technique to get more reps. But I didn’t feel like trying to explain it to him in Spanglish. Still he wouldn’t let it go so I finally put the weight back and walked away before I got pissed.

The punchline here is that before he gave me advice, I noticed he was using the barbell rack as his personal gym station. You know the guy that picks up a barbell and does his set in front of the rack so nobody else can grab or return a weight. That was this guy. I almost said something too him but it wasn’t my business, but then suddenly he was all up in mine.

Unless someone is doing something dangerous, don’t assume you know better than they do.

[nad_carethusiast]

I have a colleague trying to give me unsolicited advice on saving money non stop in one whole week ..

I feel judged because she doesn’t know my balances in the account but decided to be a busybody asking me where I go multiple times and looking at my purchases all the time (while making the unsolicited advices again and again) . For the moment, I just smile and run away but I couldn’t run away all the time..thanks for the advice

[lightitup]

And every narcissist says “I am just trying to help.” Uh, no.

[gingerisevil]

It’s controlling. It’s them pretended they know you better than you

[mysticjedi]

For your entire life when people said something to you, you told them what you thought.

[SherryONeill]

Whoa!! I Needed To Hear This

I Had Stopped Doing It To my HusBand And ReCently Found myself Doing It Again But Caught myself

Thank you !

[todburton]

Dude you just gave us unsolicited advice. 😂

[CM-yojk]

This is so fascinating... I work in UK health care and offer advice & instruction all the time as part of the consultation/treatment. If I didn't I wouldn't be doing my job. However, recently I had a decorator around that has done some work for me before, to give me a quote on a small room I want redecorating at home. I said I wanted wallpaper and she 'gave me some advice' on what she thought would work better (not wallpaper). I was furious - I didn't want or ask for her advice, I just wanted a quote. Which got me thinking - I wonder if any of my patients are actually interested my 'health promotional advice' or a just want me to fix the problem!

[amethystlake]

Thanks for the video. My parents do this... Especially with my dating life. If I mention one thing, they try belittling me by saying things like 'don't say that or they'll no longer want to date you' etc. I'll be trying these phrases for sure.