Stop Saying These 3 Things To Your Toddler (and what to say instead)

In this video you'll learn about 3 common phrases that often work in the moment with toddlers, but don't always deliver the message we intend them to. While they might seem helpful, you can swap them for some alternatives that are shown to be much more effective in terms of providing support and encouragement, building your child's confidence, and fostering emotional well-being.

In this video you'll learn what these phrases are, and the alternatives you can use instead.

Please don't feel guilty or bad in any way if you do use these phrases. That's not the intent of this video at all. Using them here or there isn't going to harm your toddler's emotional development. This is simply about highlighting some alternatives that help deliver on the intent in a more effective way.

As always, I hope you find this helpful!

#emmahubbard #toddlertantrums #toddlerdevelopment

00:00 - 02:16: A Common Phrase to Avoid with Your Toddler"
02:17 - 02:45: A Better Way to Respond
02:46 - 03:33: Another Phrase to Avoid with Your Toddler
03:34 - 04:18: A Positive Alternative to Use Instead
04:19 - 07:14: The Final Phrase to Rethink
07:15 - 08:46: A More Helpful Response

Disclaimer:
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[happylilmidge]

That awkward moment I learn about my own childhood instead of just doing better for my own baby 😅

[Coolcatmel]

I love this advice! When my toddler falls I usually say "did it hurt you or scared you?" She's too young to answer yet but I like to think it's helping her to realize if she's not in pain she's just scared. Open to thoughts on that!

[mellostation]

From pregnancy to now with my current 18 month old, you have been the BEST Emma!! I’ve modeled my parenting after your videos and am a better person overall for it. So grateful!!

[zackaryfry]

Being using "use your words" jokingly with my one month old 😅.

[leanngoeken]

My mom always said "you're okay" and I still feel uncomfortable sharing my feelings with her, also have difficulty managing relationships. This is so true. We can do better. I have a three year old son. I ask are you okay? Are you hurt and hold him till he is ready to get up. He doesn't stay down for long 😅

[AleksandraApocalisse]

So I think that what a lot of people mean when they say "you're OK" is "you're SAFE." I've been saying that to my toddler and I think it helps him feel better. It also doesn't interfere with processing the emotion, talking about how it hurts or was scary, etc.

[TMB]

Very timely video, we have been struggling here with our two year old. Toddler communication is already difficult enough without making it worse due to my own actions.

[isabiryefarouk]

Thanks Emma. As a new parent raising two toddler, these lessons help us alot as parents.

[letitiad]

Thanks so much! I knew that I shouldn't say "you're okay", as you're right, in that moment, they aren't, because they just hurt themselves.

I didn't realise I shouldn't be saying "use your words" though and that is definitely something I started saying recently. Your explanation makes a lot of sense though. I will try to validate and label their feelings instead of saying that phrase. My son is only 22 months old, so he still needs me to teach him what emotion he is feeling. When he cries, he doesn't know he's sad or frustrated etc. Thanks for the reminder! :)

[Linoxism]

My little one is only 6 weeks old, but I remember my dad using the “because I said so” phrase a lot growing up. I made a mental note a long time ago to NEVER say that to my own children, it really killed my curiosity and my trust in going to him with questions. My daughter will be encouraged to always ask questions and never stop learning.

[kryptonite_jules]

I always hated being told “you’re okay” as a kid because I always felt like they didn’t actually want to help me through it. It felt dismissive. To this day, I feel like a burden when I’m told that when I’m trying to explain something I’m struggling with. I try not to say it to my daughter, but it’s definitely hard to break the cycle.

[zuzu-ngnx]

I have been saying “you’re okay” whenever my 14 months old falls or trips and hurts himself. I didn’t know that was wrong 😢 now I know what is the right thing to say, thank you so much!!

[halismick]

I notice that I say, "You're alright, its okay." to my son a lot when he falls down/gets hurt, but usually I do check him and ask him IF he is okay, first, and hold him if he's crying and tell him, "Mommy's here, I got you." And then I have many times asked him to "use his words" when he's throwing a fit, but I have noticed that makes him get more frustrated, sometimes. So I started asking him questions when he's having a tantrum. I will say, "What's wrong, baby?" And he will sometimes calm down more and do his little toddler blabbers that I don't fully understand lol. Or I'll say, "Are you thirsty?" And if he is, he will say, "Yea, I Borsty"😂(just thought that was cute and wanted to share❤) or even "Are you Hungry?" And I rub my belly. If he is, he will say, "Yeah, I ungy." 😭💖 He HATES when I ask him if he's tired, though. He absolutely refuses to nap or sleep most of the time. 😭🤣 I'm trying to do better, and I appreciate this video a lot because I can utilize what you've said here and help him more. 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

[squall]

When my toddlers can't use their words, I ask them to show me or to point. This sometimes works and then I can label and say the phrase for them, for example "oh you wanted to eat peas for dinner". It's difficult to walk the fine line between rewarding good communication and not enabling bad behavior as they're quickly learning screaming gets them what they want.

[nishusingh-afari]

Wow what a great explanation on “it’s okay” I constantly say that to my toddler thinking I m soothing him. Clearly I m dismissing his emotions. Thank you thank you. Best channel ever !!! 😊

[sxna]

Thank you Emma! We've been loving your videos lately and its been super helpful - Have definitely noticed a big change in our bubbas development with little tweaks from watching these

[JeffSparrow]

My mother always used, because i said so. Or if i asked why. She would just say. That's why. Which kind of lead me to create a behavior to always depend on others because, like my mother, they probably know best. Which only leads to getting used by people

[MomAndBabyCareHazel]

07:18 Because I said so'—guilty! 😅 This video really opened my eyes to how that phrase shuts down their curiosity and learning. From now on, I’ll make more of an effort to explain the 'why' behind my decisions. Thank you!

[MikiM]

Hi Emma, do you have a video for tips on how to manage the relationship between a toddler and a newborn?

[planet]

I would also emphasize our validation has to be genuine, or else the words just become empty felt.

Nothing worse than hearing the right words, but feeling a sense of vague fakeness to it.