Bumble and the sexual revolution

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SOURCES/RESSOURCES 📚

Sources can be found throughout the video but here are some books that inspired this essay
Alice Echols, Daring to be bad, 1989 (on radical feminism and the TERF movement)
Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality, 1976

SOCIALS 👩‍💻
Storygraph: @alicecappelle
Instagram: @alicecappelle_
Twitter: @cappelle_alice

Video edited by Elfo Editing

[cheaxel]

I, as a man, see the retreat of women from the apps as a very good development. I really don't understand why one of the main aspects of a human lifes should be managed by a programm and their algorithms made for profit of a company.
We need more third spaces, where people can meet naturally and form romantic relationships again and don't let profit oriented companies have the power and control of those spaces.

[foofieviolet]

I see a lot of westerners oversimplifying the 4B movement in SKorea. It is not as widespread as Westerners seem to think it is. The reasons for gender inequality and the shrinking population in SKorea are way more complex and rooted in Confucianistic family values and gender roles, recquired military service of all men between ages 18-28, the cut throat SKorean education system that is causing kids to commit s*icide at alarming rates, the cost of education, the housing crisis in Seoul (where half the entire population of the country lives, there just aren't as many professional jobs in other cities), economic marriage cultural recquirements which young people cannot meet even if they want to get married, and the fact the apartment renting system works differently there. In the West if you're renting an apartment you pay month to month and a deposit. In SKorea you pay an unfront sum which is usually a few millions won and that takes years of savings. Then there's the fact that the work culture in East Asia overall is insane. People regularly work 12-16 hours, usually without overtime pay. So parents can't even be at home with their kids. The 4b movement isn't really that popular in SKorea. But the government decided to blame the shrinking population on "crazy extremist feminists" instead of addressing things like the economic and housing and educational issues. And then Western news agencies didn't do their due research and just quoted the SKorean government, and now everyone thinks SKorean women are all femenists refusing to have sex. And that just is NOT the case at all.

[kawaiimombear]

Choosing NOT to have sex with just anybody is also sexual empowerment.

[Benjamin_Bratten]

Met my girlfriend on tinder two years ago and it feels like we caught the last chopper out of Nam.

[silvermica]

I tried Bumble once - but there were no humans to talk to on that app - so I deleted the app and joined a band to play in. Now I see and talk to people all the time.

[DKH]

I hope we get a return to internet dating where you're matched with people based on your profile. Like, you fill in a bunch of questions, and then here's 10 or so people who are kinda similar to you. That would be great. The current approach of presenting endless choice - of which 99, 9% isn't compatible with you anyway - inevitably leads to dating fatigue. I want a dating app to make dating simpler, not more complicated. I guess that's harder to make money from

[Praisethesunson]

It is wild how every single dating site actively commodifies the women they depend on.

[vaska]

Aren't Dating Apps the thing people turn to because of loneliness?

Making new friendships as an adult is something that feels next to impossible at times, and it's not because we necessarily lack the spaces - it's our lifestyles. I could meet people at work, but they have their own lives to get back to and chores to do when they get home, not forgetting anyone who has children they prioritise.

People seek out relationships because that's the way many people have found as a way to cope with the loneliness, but at the same time, the lack of platonic friendships, and its deprioritisation in adulthood doesn't help either. Especially if you move to a big city, or move to a different country, you have no social safety net there - you have to start your social life from scratch.

I know Bumble introduced their subsection for finding friendships, but does it really work? What even are the alternatives?

[CaraMarie]

I typically spend a while between relationships. I was single for nearly five years after my previous relationship, and I remember how great I felt even though I had no sex during that time. No shade on my current relationship because it's great the majority of the time. But I really learned to love being alone during those periods, and I truly believe it's why my current relationship is going so well years in. The only thing I hated was the comments from some friends constantly congratulating me for being brave. As if I was doing a cross-country trip on my own. But people really struggle with understanding that I don't just "have a good time" with just anyone. Casual sex has never done it for me and even though it's gotten me labeled as a prude, am more than ok with that. I will say, i tried bumble after my last relationship because everyone was pressuring me to "not be alone". I left after a week because I felt incredibly shallow looking at pictures of man and a little information on their interest and saying to myself, "let me guve this one a try". I could not move past the discomfort of judging a mans potential on that alone so i never developed a curiosity for anyone that would push me to asking to meet in person.

[PickleJello]

I'm not sure how Bumble came to the conclusion the hated part of Bumble was women sending the message first, not the 24 hour window to send the first message making users feel pressured.

[annaphallactic]

When I hear the term body count outside of the context of true crime, I feel a crushing sense of despair.

[mahogara]

Personally, the thought process behind the ads is the very reason that discourages me from using the dating apps. That very ideal of using the dating apps as a hookup site.
Even if you specifically specified that you're not looking for hookups (because you find it repulsive to get it on with someone you barely even know or feel something toward), you would still somehow end up with people who expect you to put out on the very first meet up/date. If not, you're somehow guilted into feeling bad for leading them on.
Even though it's not the dating site's fault, it's baffling to see Bumble showcasing the same mindset as some men who view women on dating sites as a catalogue listing of desperate and easy products, looking to get laid.

[raresmocanu]

In eastern Europe, moving west was seen as a ticket to paradise in the early 2000s. By the time I finished high-school, the economy shifted and I missed that train - now it's average both here and there.
Feels the same with this. I'm a socially inept dude who got to 23 without any experience in dating or hookups. I finally got my shit together mentally, only to see that everyone has had their fill and their fun and their suffering and they're now over that stage. And so I missed another train. I'm probably not looking in the right places, but life just feels like a bunch of missed trains and a lot of preparation for something that always has a deadline shorter than the time it takes me to prepare for it.

[jibarabicha]

Back to the drawing board. Humans are still human and need face to face interactions. We are not robots, so an app really takes all of those elements needed for attraction and reduces people to a pixel.

[jonathanmelhuish]

20:29 Damn I wish Youtube would let us say the words that grown-ups use

[BrazilianThinker]

Alice,
I'm a male from Brasil and I'd like to praise you and your work.
Not only you bring a lot of essential reflexions to the table of political and socioeconomic discussion, you do it in a very didactical way.
I love your content and I learn so much from it!
Thank you for existing and doing what you do!
Hugs from South America!!!

[selena]

As my mother as always said "mejor sóla que mal acompañada" better to be alone than with bad company

[daaara]

very informative video. Maybe part of sexual empowerment is liberation from feeling less than because you have too much sex or not enough sex. In that lens, incels/femcels and promiscuous people are being crushed by the same boot of societal expectation.

[misterwachulochulo]

the soul of everything is destroyed when capitalism touches it, nothing can exist but the quest for money

[czarkusa]

"Why pressure women into doing something they don't want to do?"
That was the whole point of Bumble, to force them to write anything at all, usually "Hey", at an introduction. They always could and never wanted to.