Why is Poly Dating so Hard for Men?

Disclaimer: This video is quite a bit more cisgender and hetero normative than usual. I don't like my videos to be like that, but I'm speaking to a specific yet huge audience for this one.

Polyamorous dating can really suck for men. Why is that and what can we do about it?

[MJEG]

I needed to hear a lot of this today. Definitely advice I've heard before due to extensive research and conversation but sometimes you just need a reminder especially when struggling. Thank you

[kupeart]

some poly women I know are aware of men dating struggles and are actually trying to help their main partner in finding sexual\romantic opportunities. after all, they wan't their partner to be happy and also enjoy the openness of the relationship.
as a solo poly, my advice for men is to get to know people and make friend, once people know you and know you're fun friendly, nice and attractive it is much less hard to get seen as a potential partner.
Also, if you struggle with dating and sexual frustration its ok to open it up if its in a positive non judgmental way, I did it thinking I would be perceived as an incel looser but actually the community was pretty nice and comforting toward it. its ok to feel insecure as long as you aware of it and know how to manage your emotions.

[chojay]

This is also a mindset that perpetuates itself. Thinking cisgendered socialization: Men match with and reach out to more and more women just in hopes of getting a response or interest, women become more and more selective as more and more messages come flooding in.

[moonafarms]

Great video. As a bisexual woman, I find it difficult dating women! Men didn't ruin dating for women, adults have "ruined" dating. We have to shed this victim mentality! We adults are responsible for our actions and how we show up in life.

[The_Monteiro]

As a straight women who is polyamorous I’m experiencing the exact issue you mention about poly men. I’m not queer and once I updated my dating profile I get far less a attention to nearly nothing at all. And men I do engage with who show interest in me initially will change once they find out I’m poly with a male partner already. So they either just want to experience a threesome with me and partner or they immediately loose interest. This being said I just take it with strides and keep an open mind once and if I get someone who is cool with poly I give them a chance to Atleast get to know them more to see if it’s good fit but it is rare for me.

[mateuszgwizdalla]

I think it is really important to mention that the (sometimes vast) majority of dating app users are men! Tinder, for example, has an about 75/25 ratio- so for every woman you swipe right or left, a straight women sees 4 men. Extrapolate that to dms, dates and all the things you cover and ... well its not surprising the experience especially us poly men have online is how it is vs poly women

[horrorbookhellhound]

This actually helped me gain some insight into what poly men deal with so thanks for that! Always love the content!

[theboythatsayshootyhoo]

as a trans guy im probably going to have to deal with the worst of both of these. theres tons of chasers on dating apps and if i want a t4t poly relationship WELL not only has my dating pool shrunk once, but twice. i also have a preference for men and mascs, so maybe two and a half times lmao. im both selective because of the danger of being trans and also just dont have many options. so im gonna have to get real secure with myself as i am right now.

[benjaminyork]

Most of my partners have come through my social circles. Women talk to each other. If you are good to one they eventually all find out. This usually makes them more receptive to you if you are interested in them.

[Stanlove]

Sure, it was extremely difficult in the beginning; my wife had dates all the time, multiple matches per day. However, the vast majority of these potential lovers turned out to be pretty 🤢. While I may only get a date every several months, the percentage of them that are enjoyable to be around, and yield a fruitful relationship is much much higher. With the benefit of hindsight, I'd argue I'm the one who has it better.

[devonhutchinson]

I laughed so hard at the “actual video of the woman’s DMs” 😂😂😂

[arranorr]

This analysis can be applied really well with monogamous dating too, such a spot on video. Keep up the good work

[MauricioACB]

With my wife, we both have hard times dating with other people, because we want relationships no just something physical.
It's so easy to "get going" with other people due to the tabu or fantasy mindset society tends to have over this, but no one wants to invest time or effort in knowing or caring for each other.
It's really sad and frustrating and we sometimes give up on dating for weeks/months. 😕

[sevenseven]

Im in a poly relationship and honestly it happened totally naturally, me and my girlfriend are voth bisexual and we had a friend who was just the best person ever. One thing lead to another and now hes apart of our life and helps balance out our differences that sometimes lead to fights. Hes the level head that makes everything perfect

[rogerblinoff]

I am on my Poly journey and I have really enjoyed your videos for the last year. Thank you for being a leader in our community. 👍

[jasonlong]

Polysecure was the best book for me to read on my journey. I cut this video when the host or presenter said, “cis men are the most privileged…”. Watching Poly Couple on You Tube helped. I did well in Poly in the beginning. It can be a mine field because you are dealing with human emotions on both sides. Tearing men apart on this video is not helpful, but hopefully some of these comments are. Good Luck everyone.

[ashleyloren]

Let me say, and I cannot stress this enough, You are Amazing 🙌 I can't even express how much of a breath of fresh air to my soul these videos are. 💕💖 Thank you so much for creating 🙏🙏🙏

[prmodeling]

I've gotten to the point that I've 99% given up. There's just something about me women DO NOT like. Always has been, even before my wife and i stepped into polyamory. It's been years now and absolutely nothing. At least not from anyone I'm even remotely interested in. And we've gone to tons of events and meet and greets and I've tried introducing myself to and talking to probably a hundred women now... and... just... nothing.

While I'm not invalidating what you said, I'm going to say that... while all that may be true, sometimes it really is because you're just the guy nobody wants.

Somebody's gotta be the ugly duckling in the pond and you might just be it.

Or at least that's the conclusion I've come to.

[naterudolph]

As often as I've seen this complaint, I've never found the mentality behind it relatable. I approached polyamory from a place of deconstructing artificial barriers to love, not a desire for more partners. The numbers are incidental. Using dating apps to compete for a high score doesn't seem like a very effective methodology for building real connection on a one-on-one basis. I don't use those, and I don't actively seek partners. I get involved in community. I care about people with no expectations or goals, just caring as its own reward. That's the way I've met all of my partners and formed loving relationships organically. That's what I recommend.

[NineToFiveGamerUC]

How can we be sex positive but we're calling men names for seeking sex?