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The Biochemical Pathways of Avoidant Men: Understanding Love and Fear
In this episode, we explore the intricate biochemical pathways of avoidant men and how these influence their ability to bond and show love. Avoidant men often experience hypercortisolism, which blocks the reception of oxytocin and other bonding chemicals, preventing them from fully engaging in deep, long-term relationships.

Key topics covered include:

Cortisol and Oxytocin Blockage: How chronic stress and elevated cortisol levels inhibit avoidant men from entering the oxytocin pathway, essential for bonding beyond the initial dopamine-driven novelty phase.

Fear and Trust in Relationships: The impact of fear on avoidant men's behavior and how creating a safe, non-clinging environment can help them open up and bond through vasopressin and oxytocin.

Real-life Examples: Personal stories illustrating how addressing fears and establishing clear communication and boundaries can transform relationships with avoidant partners.

Negotiation and Communication: The importance of negotiating relationship terms early on, avoiding pity, and maintaining trust through honoring agreements and mutual respect.

This episode delves into the science behind avoidant attachment and provides practical advice for building trust and intimacy with avoidant partners. If you find this clip insightful, be sure to watch the full episode for an in-depth discussion.

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Chapters:
00:00:00 - The Biochemical Pathways of Avoidant Men
00:00:32 - Receiving and addressing fears
00:01:04 - Resolving Fear and Stress in Relationships
00:01:39 - The Moment Love is Realized
00:02:15 - Relationship Turning Point
00:02:50 - The Importance of Avoiding Pity in a Relationship
00:03:34 - Giving Space and Time to Figure Things Out
00:04:09 - Trust and Communication in Relationships
00:04:46 - Invoking the Plan
00:05:21 - Watch the Episode Here

[TamsPsychAdvice]

FANTASTIC CONTENT, But in general, and this is for everyone, not just you. Truthfully, there are too many rules for romantic relationships. It would be nice to just be who you are hugs and kisses. Fall in love. There are so many things keeping this from happening. People used to say men are simple. Now, women are totally confused about what men want and I’m sure vice versa. Decades ago, men and women had “roles.” Now with social media, women movements, Red Pill, game playing, dating sites, etc., men rarely approach like they used to. “Can I have your phone number?” The dating world is exhausting and confusing for most people because they can’t just simply LOVE 💕.

[Aussie]

He says I’m his best friend
He doesn’t speak much at all
Especially about anything that elicits emotion
But I’m the only person he tells anything!!

Your content has really helped me
I was feeling upset, rejected and resentful at times.
Now I understand WHY he’s avoidant
things are so much easier
Speaking his language

[mlkennedy]

Learning to give my person his space has been a great lesson for me - it reminds me to reinvest in myself, to be the strong, independent woman he met. BTW, we're still semi-long-distance, celebrating 6 yrs in Oct.
One significant area of growth that has made it easier to "loosen the reins" is the fact that over the past six months, when I'm visiting his part of the country, he has made time to introduce me to long time friends and his siblings and their families.
Another reason I'm doing much better is that I've continued therapy - she's amazing and gives me the support I need. She reminds me of my growth, becoming less anxious, and how I work on becoming less reactive to situations that used to send me into panic attacks.
Bottom line: when you invest in yourself, you will attract someone that sees that and will want to invest in you as well. Plus, he's not as avoidant as he was before; we're growing together!

[---nugg]

It is a complete nightmare being an anxious attachment man trying to love an avoidant woman. It does not work . 20 years wasted.

[jeannievail]

He said that I was his person to talk to freely without fear of being judged.

I felt like we were the two luckiest people on Cloud 9.

He said he had gone out a few times with a friend but they weren’t dates, just someone to go do stuff with, because he felt like he was stagnating without friends or family around.

He said we were compatible in every way, and I abandoned my entire life, family, friends, and a job that I loved, just to build a new life with him.

The day I arrived I told him to pack his Ho bag and come stay with me.

Just as my mom and I pulled into the parking lot at The Black Trumpet, he messaged me, “My girlfriend is on her way to see me. I can’t, pack my Ho bag this weekend.

If you choose to meet her I think you will like her. She already told me to invite you over for Christmas.”

[mmbovilladardh]

I actually had that exact convo with the guy I was seeing. I told him it’s okay that he isn’t in love with me and that I enjoy him unconditionally. He deactivated. It seemed to overwhelm him.

[JustMeAndMyBoy]

The biochemical talk is very confusing. What exactly is the conversation Ricky had with her avoidant ?

[Radiatingsukha]

It’s crazy really let go to move forward. We, as women, need to receive and magnetize through fierce unconditional love. No clutching.. it’s gross.

[BodySoulDance]

Where is the main part about "green flags"? You even made a reference to having talked about them earlier in this video... 🧐

[JustMeAndMyBoy]

There must be different levels of Avoidants. Because in real life, they/we don’t talk that way.

[krisa]

I have a question....
I've been seeing someone for a few months, but he works nights, so his schedule is upside down.. And he's been having a lot of family stuff to deal with.. so I think he's been feeling overwhelmed and like he doesn't have the time to have his own life right now.
He said that he's not sure he can do what I expect from him, and that I want someone who's always there for me, and he doesn't know if he can do that right now...

I'm FA, and I can lean a bit more avoidant, depending on the person and the situation.. I'm not exactly sure of his type, but I think he may be on the avoidant side?

I know his current situation isn't ideal, but I would still like to try to make things work, even if things are more limited for now. But he said he feels that his schedule and everything isn't ideal, and he feels it's not fair to me because he's not always available when I want to do something. He also said that he hates having to say that he can't do something, and it messes with his mood....

In response, I said that I was just looking for options to work around his schedule and that I didn't mean to put any pressure on him. To which he said I wasn't putting pressure on him, but he's not able to do the things I expect from him now, and he knows it's going to push me away. And he said he doesn't want to deal with something like that later.. So it feels like he's pushing me away now to avoid possible future frustrations, and it all pushing me away later on...

Do you think that maybe I've been making him feel trapped, considering he has a lot going on right now, and dating may be adding too much to his plate? I'm not sure if I should mention that I don't want him to feel trapped and that I don't want him to be unhappy, so I hope he finds what he's looking for...

[JustMeAndMyBoy]

@AttachmentAdam what can you tell us about “red pilling“ that I hear is a thing with men lately?

[petitcoeur-qr]

I guess I wasn’t the one for him - he didn’t feel the love for me. I can only wish him the best and he finds the one that he loves. He said to me that I was the closest he felt to anyone before but I guess it wasn’t enough for him.

I am trying to heal my own attachment issues with therapy and the trauma with the ghosting and discard. It still hurts for me though.

[RobertRiley-jm]

I don't know how I can get in contact with you

[klenz]

Chemistry matters 😊❤ and we will train chemistry ⚗️ to because we were designed to have dominion over it.
Thank you for helping me 😊