Most interesting death rituals I’ve seen

About Nurse Hadley:

Hadley Vlahos resides outside of New Orleans with her husband and three children. With eight years of experience as a registered nurse, including six years devoted to hospice care, she has gained profound insights into the field of healthcare. Online, she is affectionately known as "Nurse Hadley," where she shares heartfelt stories from her experiences as a hospice nurse.

Beyond her nursing career, Hadley has achieved literary success as the author of the instant New York Times bestseller, "The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments" published by Ballantine/PRH.

When dealing with any medically related events or medical emergencies, please communicate with your primary health care provider.

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[gellisbarber]

After my father died, I suddenly realized why so many cultures have (or had) mourning garb. Books and movies make it sound so oppressive, but when you are in heavy grief, walking around hurting and shocked that the uninformed world is still turning, how much comfort would it be to wear something to signal to people to be extra gentle with you? I remember being so desperate to just say to strangers, "My dad died" because it was such a monumental thing to me and to be in public surrounded by people who had no idea, was so very lonely.

[c.comiskey]

The weirdest part of losing someone is that life just continues. Nothing stops. No one waits for you to catch up. You can go into the grocery store and it just feels so lonely. No one knows your whole world looks different. I love the idea of an identifying item to let others know that you’re grieving.

[rattus]

Love that arm band to notify others you're in mourning. People everywhere everyday are going through something. If we knew in advance, we could be kinder and more understanding of their behaviour.

[emc]

When I worked retail, a lady came in and i was ringing her up. I was making the usual small talk and she got out the words "my son... my son... " and her face told me the rest. I came around the counter and gave her a hug. I couldn't help it, I cried too. 😢

[graciehp]

When my mom died my sister and I realized how helpful mourning clothes actually were back in the day. It was a physical sign of your pain to the rest of the world!

[tashasharps]

When my three year old passed following a failed open heart surgery I asked the nurses if I could please give him his last bath. He had been fighting for several weeks until that point and that poor baby was covered in old tape residue, blood from leaking lines, and so much more. But he loved water and especially bathtime so I knew I needed to be the one to bath him and dress him for his final trip back home. Those sweet nurses guarded the doors to his room the whole time and made sure I knew I could take as long as I needed. To this day, even though it was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, I'm so grateful I was able to do it. Those really were my final moments with him as it seemed he was still there (in the room with me). I quietly played his favorite songs, talked to him as I bathed his body and took extra care on all the areas that showed the evidence of what his tiny body had endured. I dressed him in his favorite outfit and made sure his play shoes were on. He passed with a little tech deck skateboard in his hand and we all made sure that little skateboard stayed right where it was. There was a large part of me that really needed that... and I can never thank the nurses who made it happen enough.

[ladyaofpineapple]

The arm band used to be used in the US. If you watch "It's A Wonderful Life" you see George Bailey wearing one just after his father passes. We should def bring that back though. Along with decency and compassion!

[kimberlykraftchak]

My oldest daughter was with me when we lost my mom last summer. The hospice nurse was a young man. He wasn’t her typical nurse. But it was important for my daughter to help him wash her body. How he included her was the most precious thing I will hold on to. The hardest day of my life was that night….thank you for all the hard things you do for families.

[YRTheyDoingThis]

My Dad died two weeks ago. He had dementia and it seems like people just forgot him. I wish everyone knew how great he was, how many people he served and what a good father he was. I wish we wore arm bands so people would ask💔

[denisetarabori]

Having been an RN for decades, I have pronounced people and cleansed their bodies after death. When my favorite Aunt, my own Mother, and my husband died, I prepared their bodies for the funeral home. The nursing home where my mother spent the last four years of her life told me that out of all of their residents that have passed that had nurses as their children, I was the only one in their history that had asked if they could do that. I said that I had done this for hundreds of other people’s loved ones and this is the last kind loving thing I can do for the woman who cared for me my whole life and that it was an honor to do it. BTW, I’m not Chinese. Thank you for doing what you do. ❤❤❤

[andsoitgoes]

As a retired nurse, you make me wish I had done hospice nursing. I can feel your sense of fulfillment when you speak. You are doing what you were born to do. God bless you, Hadley.

[leeboriack]

In America the black arm band was worn until about the 1950’s. Typically it was worn by men on a suit sleeve. In the 20’s, 30’s and 40’s men could also wear a black band on their hat to indicate mourning. A civilized way of letting others know you might be distracted with grieving.

[sayhello]

The mourning bands are an old death tradition that I wish we’d still use. (Not just Chinese, but all over the world people have used them historically.) It spares you from small talk like, “How are you?” and let’s people know you aren’t a jerk if you’re in a bad mood. My FIL died a few weeks ago, so I sewed a few for my husband. No one knew what it meant and it raises questions and stares. Ugh

[m.i.]

I work as a night shift CNA, and we would open the window for the soul of the deceased. I personally decided to add whispering a prayer over the deceased residents before opening the window simply because I felt a sense of comfort and continued connection with them through prayer, even when saying goodbye. Eventually, my other coworkers began doing the same thing. We went above and beyond to make their passing as comfortable as possible, wanting them to feel loved by all of us in their last moments. ❤

[SadieLynnsLife]

OH MY! Weird how you mention this. My Mom just passed on hospice. I cleaned her, dressed her and did her hair and makeup. The hospice nurses were totally freaked out about it. They said they've never had a family do this.

[lisasunshine]

My stepdad’s young granddaughter died in her 20’s from a very violent car accident. At her service, a Navajo chief performed ‘death rights’. It was very comforting to my stepdad. My stepsister grew up with him and he flew to Ohio from Arizona to perform the rights.

[shanadaigle]

I love the patch. We do that in the fire department over our badges.

[janicecobean]

As a nurse for over 40 years, one passing in the middle of the night stands out, family needed colorful live petals from flowers. So, of course I went all over the hospital asking every one/pt I heard or saw have a vase of flowers( and they were awake) if I could have a flower. All donated, it was beautiful, they layed the petals as a beautiful boarder around the pt.

[valsptsd]

My step father had been sick for many years. When he passed, he wanted to be cremated. Ma was beside herself immediately after and I asked what he was wearing. She said he was in the hospital gown. I told her that he had spent enough time in them, and would not “spend eternity” with his skinny butt hanging out. I told her she could chose a pair of pants and a button up shirt (how he usually dressed before becoming sick), or I was gonna go find him a leather jacket and a tank top (NOT HIS STYLE😉).

She quickly chose her favorite shirt and his most comfortable pants. And I chose a tie, he like wearing ties, he was a businessman during his career, and wore one often as a retiree. I told her to let the funeral home know I was going to dress him. She said that wasn’t allowed and I told her it was. My sweet sister said I “most certainly” wasn’t going alone, and came with me. The funeral home was kind and there was a young man there who helped us move him. My sister became my hero that day, because I thought she would sit away from us, or in another room. She helped me.

I had not known him well while he was a healthy man, and knew how he felt about modesty and having to wear his sweats

[heatherbarnes]

My Mom and I cared for my Daddy. The hospice nurse offered to wash and dress him but my Mom and I said, "We want to do it. We've done it everyday and we want to be the last ones to do this for him." She was so kind and stepped to the side and cried as my Mama and I cleaned and dressed Daddy one last time. It was a beautiful experience because of hospice.