How to Create a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Ferreira | Being Well

Somatic trauma therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins me to explore how we can create more secure relationships. We talk about the lessons we've learned from our relationship, the impact of trauma and prior relationship wounds, and how very different people can make things work. Topics include complex PTSD, how to work through disagreements, changing our model of relationships, and learning how to actually support your partner.

I loved this conversation, and hope you enjoy it!

Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:00 The myth of relationships solving your problems, and self-awareness
4:25 Me, you, and us
14:00 Changing your partner by changing yourself
16:55 Embracing the challenges of vulnerability
23:40 Disagreeing well, making specific requests, and holding space
33:50 Learning how to support your partner
38:00 Five different styles of relationship
41:00 Moving from trying to please your partner to showing compassion
45:30 Love as a choice, and expressing wants and needs positively
49:55 Simply liking your partner

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I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.

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[parisaforpeace]

Relationships are defined by how you manage conflict not by having no conflict or differences. Great take away.

[damioyepersonal-kuxd]

10 minutes in and already my favorite episode. Forrest you are a gentleman and it’s great to meet your lovely partner ❤️

[leahboydmathis]

Well...I guess I'm just gonna have to be the one who brings it up.. Can we just acknowledge how gorgeous our Elizabeth's hair is?! ❤❤❤

[carolinepostlethwaite]

You two are so beautiful together. I love how you model how to communicate well. You are both so young & yet so inspiring. Thank you.

[MsGuitars]

Yes queen is back 🤩 always love her perspective and wisdom

[Mushroom-]

" Healthy enough to know " whos problem is this " ?
Yes!!, agreed!! 🤔😃👏🏼👏🏼🎉🎉

[kruuuga]

The two of you are fun, informative, and fascinating to watch. I’ll be watching all the videos you make together! Good job!!

[johanna]

I love listening to Elizabeth, she is so authentic and I identify with her 'perspective' or interaction in the world ... I hope to see her more often on the channel, a channel that is already great, so Thank you for these sessions Forrest ...

[ariellarahimi]

This video was so powerful to me. I especially appreciated saying that the idea being 100% healed is an illusion. Very freeing to be able to appreciate where I am and the idea that I'm not where I want to be is perfectly okay. Thank you.

[FlyinDogRecords]

Thank you for putting yourselves out there to help the tribe. Very informative.

[Mushroom-]

" Being at tune to the parts you dont like", so you dont put the pressure on your partner " 😮😲 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[micheledevilliers]

PART TWO, PART THREE PLZ!!! LOVE the format.

[delfina]

I really love it when you have Elizabeth as a guest. Great video!

[MichaelSpechtenhauser]

Funny title..: "How to create a secure relationship with Elisabeth Ferrreira".. You guys are so sweet and thank you so much for all the content you share on your channel Forrest. To me and also my partner, as self-healers, your shared content makes really all the difference. Thank you!!

[nancyalstrand]

Passion and anger; pleasing and kindness, are great distinctions to atune to and wow, that's tender territory. Thank you

[gabrielanogueiravicosa]

The timing of this episode was so spot on! I had to rewatch it right after I finished it the first time! Thanks for doing this work, Forrest! It helps me every single time!

[coach_amy]

Love these discussions. Thank you! I want to meet someone who is already ready for a vulnerable, healing, transparent, honest, loyal, dedicated, secure, and safe relationship. I'm not interested in convincing anyone to want or do this. Be ready to go right out of the starting blocks.

Of course, it can be clumsy and imperfect. But at least be there emotionally, mentally, ethically, morally and with principles and values. I believe my person is out there.

[dakine]

This is really helpful. I am totally that person that's waiting to be "healed" until I get into a relationship but I think it's about finding a safe and good enough partner.

[kevwiltshire]

Non-violent (compassionate) communication provides a framework for expressing feelings and the underlying needs in a non-blaming way, and framing a positive and clear request (for a new strategy to get needs met).

The answer can be no, but the request can be a starting point for an empathic discussion about which strategies would work for both parties to get their needs met.

It's a simple framework to learn, but can be challenging to get right, but I've seen it work really really well, not only in personal relationships but in mediation.

[Manishaayut]

You both are so cute together and loved hearing you discuss this topic, it gave some peace about relationships.