The Key to Saying No: Setting Boundaries for Healthy Relationships

Each week, I offer scripts for saying ‘no’ and doing it nicely.

Options include:

"Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm not able to take that on right now."

"I appreciate the offer, but that doesn't work for me."

"I've given it some thought, and I need to decline."

"I don't have the capacity for that at the moment, but I wish you the best with it."

"That's not something I'm able to commit to, but I hope you find someone who can help."

"I'm honored you asked, but I have to pass."

"My schedule is full right now, so I'll have to say no."

"I've decided to focus my time elsewhere, so I won't be able to participate.”

Each week, I offer scripts for saying ‘no’ and doing it nicely.

But there is something more foundational that you may need before these words come out of your mouth.

↳The fear of not being liked.

↳The fear of disappointing others.

My boxing coach was wavering because she didn’t know how to say ‘no’ to a family gathering. She wanted, instead, to create a tradition with her own daughter on a holiday.

I asked her to

If you’re struggling to say ‘no’ gracefully at work, I created a free download here with scripts (15,000 downloaded)

Self-Reflect: What does she value exactly? What does she need from her relationships. Knowing her priorities would make it ALOT easier to communicate or uphold a boundary.

Recognize her feelings: I asked her to pay attention to how the pressure from anyone makes her feel. She often overlooks this in favor of others.

But the biggest thing to look at ---was fear.

Leo Babauta at ZenHabits asks folks to dedicate 10 minutes to tackling something that scares you—everyday.

Some examples:

↳Pick 1-2 emails that you’ve been avoiding responding to, and answer them.

↳Write 100 words or more in that book you’ve been wanting to write.

↳Go for a short run (or walk) each day, if you’ve been avoiding exercise.

↳Record rough drafts of videos and send them to a friend, if you’ve been wanting to make a video course.

↳Tackle just one or two small steps each day around your taxes or finances.

↳Tackle the piles of clutter you’ve been wanting to declutter.

Other things to consider

Communicate Clearly

Use “I” Statements: Frame your needs using “I” statements to express how you feel without sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I feel stressed when I receive work emails after hours” instead of “You always email me late”.

Be Direct and Simple: Clearly state your boundaries without over-explaining. For instance, “I can’t take on that project right now” is straightforward and effective.

Practice Scripts: Prepare and rehearse specific phrases you can use when setting boundaries. This can help reduce anxiety during the actual conversation.

Choose the ‘When’ and ‘Where’

Rebecca Maxwell taught this module for the women in my community. The “when and where” for tough conversations often gets short shrift. And yet they can be the most important swing factors.

Find the Right Moment: Set boundaries when both you and the other person are calm and relaxed. Avoid discussing boundaries during conflicts or stressful situations.

Be Prepared: Write down what you want to say before the conversation. This preparation can help you feel more confident and articulate your needs more clearly.

Know that it will be uncomfortable

Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to feel awkward or guilty when setting boundaries. Accepting these feelings as part of the process can help you move past them.

Stay Firm: If someone pushes back, remind yourself that your needs are valid. Practicing assertiveness is crucial for maintaining your boundaries.

Start Small

Test Soft Boundaries: Begin with less critical boundaries to build your confidence. For example, you might start by saying no to a social event you don’t want to attend.

Gradually Increase Complexity: As you become more comfortable, work your way up to more significant boundaries. This gradual approach can help you develop your skills without feeling overwhelmed.

Whenever you’re ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:

1.: Join the Samita Lab Mastermind.**  It culminates in a TEDx talk on stage and a retreat in Corfu, Greece in 2025. I only enroll for this program once a year.

The waitlist is open

2. EVENT: Join me for a networking walk in Central Park Aug 19th Register here

3. WORKSHOP: Register for my Wednesday Sept 18th workshop on “Building a powerful personal brand on LinkedIn”

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