How to Write an Undeniable 8/10 Screenplay - Screenwriting Tips

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Seven Screenwriting Mistakes Stopping You Getting an Agent

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[Scriptfella]

🎥 FREE 1-HOUR MASTERCLASS
7 Screenwriting mistakes that kill the read for agents
☠ 100% of agents and producers who fail to finish your script will pass. Join this free masterclass with WGA Screenwriter Dominic Morgan, where he will teach you how to eliminate the 7 BIGGEST MISTAKES that cause Hollywood agents and managers to stop reading your script. Spoiler alert: This isn’t about your plot, characters, logline, or story circles. And the first mistake is an absolute dealbreaker…

[albertusbodenstein]

I'm a total beginner.. this is GOLD. So glad I came accross this! Thanks!

[spoiler]

This is excellent instruction that's difficult to find on-line. I crave it. I could watch you do an entire screenplay 10 pages at a time.

[perrap]

Pure gold! This was really helpful! The Art of Story - channel is doing this too. So helpful! Thank you so much!

[whobitmyname]

Writer: *makes a change that pushes the paragraph to a fourth line*

Me (a semi-beginner):

[ChrisLotane]

I stumbled onto your channel for the first time today and am on my third video of yours. This channel is so helpful in understanding revisions and the reasons behind them. I’m working on my first script so thank you for passing along your knowledge!

[NunofromPortugal]

First off i just wanna say, great content. I appreciate you taking the time to share with us your methods and thought process. It's difficult to find a channel where they show how to shape up a screenplay. I hope you can take this comment as constructive criticism.
In the case of this screenplay, i don't think the problems are related to the descriptions of Actions or the Dialogue. He can write. It's the Story and the World building.

There are different levels of World Building. I don't need to know about the Christian States of America in this opening sequence, but i do need to learn about this world from the things related to these two characters.
From the video i can't tell if this is the whole scene but here are a couple things that need to be addressed:
- Why is she Advocate 17:4?
- Why are his Visions dangerous?

Is 17:4 related to the passage in the Bible, John 17:4 "I have brought you glory on Earth by completing the work you gave me to do"? If so, how does this define her as a character? Why this passage?
Then, it's important to establish why his Visions are a threat to this world. It will tell us a bit more about the world itself.

I don't know how much longer this scene plays out for but he is already overpowered and none of this has been addressed.
Also, this is supposed to depict a dystopian future, but it feels more like Jason Bourne than The Handmaid's Tale. Where are the religious undertones? Like someone said in the comments this feels like the opening scene from Blade Runner 2049.

You mentioned the line "a cult look to go with a cult personality". Where? Where's the cult personality? Let her talk for a bit so we can see it. They just get into a fight.

I suggest dropping this Action approach for a more Thriller approach. Let him run and hide while she "hunts him" and tells the audience why his Visions are a threat. Let her show us that overly religious behavior reminiscent of this Christian dystopian future. Maybe throw in there a line where she uses the bible verse that makes her Advocate 17:4.

If this screenplay is still not getting that 8 out of 10 Blacklist score, consider that the problem is the storytelling and not the writing.

[qnuisbq]

This content is amazing stuff keep it up

[arzabael]

Oh my gosh sir. “Treatment-ese”. It is true that finding a language for a thing is the way to master it. Treatmentese. Oh my. That, is good.

[Monfordrock]

I am so pleased I saw this as a post on LinkedIn. This is exactly how I instinctively write. If one cannot see it or hear it on the screen then I don't write it in the screenplay. Dominic describes perfectly what is and is not required.

[paulpena]

I don't mean to be picky but if sh'e's an assassin of some kind wouldn't she have brought a weapon? Seems odd that she would go to see a target and THEN look around for a weapon. I would have preferred something like he knocks the gun out of her hand and THEN she has to improvise.

[michaelmyers]

This is phenomenal. And I definitely write way too much.

[Ben-Hollingbery]

5.24 I'd have said the car is out of place as unecessary

[RamRod]

Have you ever thought that this a British guy trying to decipher an American English screenplay? They don’t speak the same as us😂

[taurustheory]

Hello, What screen writing software are you using here? Thanks

[SaiGade-gowp]

Hey Scriptfella, massive fan. Thank you so much for these practical useful videos. They instantly improve my writing. What do you think about this longline for PROMISELAND: A terminally ill man must escape the Christian States of America's nightmarish extended life program or forever hold his peace...

[NotMolly-jfrh]

Where she releases his leg and a few moments later its constricting his leg.

[keyshawnbess]

I’m huge on characters have personality or feelings in a screenplay. I believe great dialogue needs to show personality or feelings or say something about the characters. If that’s not in a script then it takes me out of it.

[epmcgill]

Is it possible for me to be able to recieve help from you, like this?

[SS-fstw]

man i have a long way to go.. im probably on a 2/10 right about now. :(