IFS for Therapists #7 Working with Exiles

This video describes the most common burdens held by exiles and the process by which they get taken on. Tips about how to stay with exiles and questions about the age of exiles are addressed. How exiles may communicate, considerations when working with pre-verbal parts and how to help non-burdened exiles are also featured. The video ends with a powerful clip explicating how beliefs may be internalised and how compassion can heal.

[kimspetzer]

This guy really knows how to work with part's.

[lauriejean]

This gentleman at the end. And Agnes. The two of them taught me even more than the brilliant man who spoke for most of the video. Thank you sir, for speaking from the depths of your soul and being, and sharing truth beyond the words you spoke.

[mak]

IFS had already changed my min and I just discovered it this week. What an eye opening and succinct revelation at 10:00

Wish everyone could hear this

[rundeepsembi]

Hi Derek, this is very helpful. I especially helpful when You talk about staying with the protest and that exile does not have to share the content of their story that brought them shame. Thank you.

[harrietthespy]

Thank you to both presenters and to the brave man speaking on love💜💜💜

[beautyroses]

My therapist has been doing this all wrong. She definitely had my caregiver parts take care of the infant parts lmao.
I made the right choice by leaving.

[SelkiesSong]

When you went into the example of coming home from a great day to a depressed environment, I got slammed with this tidal wave of emotion that caught me completely off guard. I think you hit the nail on the head for me and why joy/excitement has always felt very muted.

[manwithavoice]

02:35 children are narcissistic developmentally and take on burdens (which are exiled), the why is anguished and the protector saves us by filling in the why (you’re not lovable).
04:55 part is saying going away, present to your stress and distress (don’t abandon it); it wants you to hear your protest... can we still go on? It can present the information... you have my attention and I know that you are in distress, and I’m just gonna be here.
07:37 exile can develop in an episode 1st grade
09:00 can be from teenage memory; ask the part, what do you want or need? Do you want to tell me more about other times this happened to you or would you like to go to its core?
09:54 What burdensome beliefs or feelings are you holding?; protector (wisely) hides away what is not appreciated in family of origin (until it’s safe to go away); doesn’t feel safe to present with (fill in the blank); self-love not safe with narcissistic parent; retrieval that have been brought back (hidden but not burdened)
12:10 Where did. that part first appear? Managers may say that this isn’t real; implicit memory will look away; get a sense of what is saying, caregiver comes out and help him;
14:30 changes of mind—Jenny wade. In uteri and life
15:15 Interpreting abuse as love— it does that because we need love, and interpret that as a way to feel safe

[radhikachakraborti]

I am currently learning this model and these videos are so helpful . Especially to know about the burdens exiles carry .The story of the man at the end is very moving.

[sungshimparkloppnow]

Wow! This is amazing Derek and Joanna! Thank you so much for making this precious resource available for us freely. The way both of you interact and how you intentionally put the real story at the end of the video is priceless.

[tamistone]

I'm not watching this in any order, but I'm sure it will all get in my head and heart.

[breanneelizabeth]

The ending of this video is a beautiful and powerful clip thank you for sharing

[carolinebelli]

These videos are such a gift!! Thank you, Derek!

[henriques]

Thank you Derek. So well done and said. Your videos very helpful to better understand this inspiring model. And Joanna's presence! So precious. Again Thanks much to both. Hope you keep shooting your wonderful conversations.

[kvnboudreaux]

good stuff, great content for someone like myself learning to get comfortable using the interventions.

[doctorofdreams]

Thank you Derek (and Joanna) for all these amazing videos, and for making the Internal Family Systems model more accessible to the therapy community and to the world. May there be a time - through vehicles like your work and the IFS model - be a time when we all experience love free of distortion our first time around.

[drsandhyathumsikumar]

grateful to you for clarifying so many things in my life

[ajaynangalia]

Awesome material! Thank you so much for sharing 🙏

[benjaminstrauber]

I  can't express how meaningful and powerful these videos have been for me and the people I know. Thank you so much for sharing this information as you are truly changing the world (:

[michaelcharters]

I really loved this video, thank you for your insights, intelligence and articulation around these subjects! This really helped me today.