Are We Done Having Kids? *Emotional Topic*

We are a rainbow family documenting our journey.
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[carolhathaway]

As a retired developmental psychotherapist, I started off my career knowing that each child needs an enormous amount of attention. What I didn't fully grasp then is how much each child needs a high level of specialized attention, called attunement. This is really important, and the more children in a family, the harder it is to do. So, a good yard stick is to really listen deeply to yourself and stop when you get a sense that you are likely to feel perennially stretched. Many of my clients came from families where their parents were often too depleted to pay attention to their children, let alone attunement to them. It says a lot about who you two are, that you are really examining the question deeply and carefully.

[emmaline]

You’ll always have a little wistfulness for the baby days, even when you are “done”. It’s not an all or nothing. I have 3 kids, originally we thought we’d have 4, but after the 3rd I felt pretty “done”. Now they are all grown (23, 21 and 19). Having older children is so, so lovely. Teenagers are fabulous (hard times but also lots of joy). You reach a point where you find a peacefulness with the fact that chapter has closed, but the book is still being read. That doesn’t mean that you never miss those little people, or have moments of doubt, but life is so full as your kids get older. ❤❤

[brenkelly]

It's crazy how much Shay seems so much more natural and relaxed now after most of the change. You can someone relieved, and seeing someone with such support and love is great.

[UteGoldkuhle]

The same questions can arise when you so easily can conceive. I wanted to have many children. We were very young, immature, inexperienced immigrants. I had quickly 2 little boys, 18 mo. apart. Even though we struggled, couldn’t speak English well, I LOVED being a Mom. But, we had to quickly grow up as I physically got weaker and financially struggled seriously. A very wise mature Dr. sat down with us and helped us to be rational about having more children, at least while being in our early 20’s, and helped us along. We grew up and focused on building ourselves up so we could lead our boys on a best educational path and opportunity we never had growing up. It was the hardest (for me to accept) but the BEST decision. They grew up as fine educated professionals, and are fathers of 3 fine college children each.
I am sure that many young families struggle with ‘family building’ decisions. I admire each who take those considerations serious as so much is at stake in creating human life.
I so LOVE your thoughtful, open, sensitive discussions! Beautiful family - viewed through the eyes from an ‘old Oma (82)’ ❤❤

[lynnealuebben-creates]

"Ethically" what works for you, is the most ethical. This is your life and you have a right to live it how you chose. I feel that whatever you decide, it will be o.k., it truly will. I am enjoying your journey and I must say thank you for sharing these deeply personal things with us. Wishing you peace in this holiday season.

[rubytuesday]

My daughter and her husband (after two and a half years of infertility) had their first child, a daughter on 7th December. IVF babies are pure Blessings, gifts and wonders. 💗🙏💜

[julie]

The pure Love and Respect you two have for each other is so evident. I strongly feel that often the Universe decides for us on little and huge things . Shay, being emotional and tearing up is not a negative. Being caring and sensitive is not a negative. NOT being yourself is a negative. Following you from Canada 🇨🇦, Minding my own business, not yours, lol .Have a lovely Holiday Season.

[joycechicoine]

With 3 kids, there is a good chance that you will be grandparents one day. Grandkids are a special blessing to look forward to.

[denisedoyle]

We have 4 children, the first 3 were 2 yrs apart, we thought we were done & happy with our decision, then 7yrs later, “surprise you’re not done yet”. I had many emotions at 37 & expecting, disbelief, scared, acceptance then excitement. They were a gift to us & now as adults a gift to the world❤

[Judymontel]

Every aspect of being done with the having babies stage of life was full of unexpected grief for me. EVERY aspect. It raised so many issues I didn't even know I had, or even might have at some point. So - yeah, a roller coaster. Sending you strength and love as you navigate this journey, together and separately. It's very real, not easy, and kind of messy. Hugs.

[davidmicheletti]

We had a difficult time having children as I had a sexual development problem ( intersex) . It took 7 years for the first child and another six years for the second child. Shortly after I developed form of testicular -ovarian cancer. With all that came so many surgeries and chemo. These changed me greatly. Im both male and female and we welcome our children.

[bkm]

I have to say one thing, you two make stunningly beautiful children, and not only that, they are bright. I would say if you could afford it mentally and financially more of you would be a good thing, but only you can make that decision. What a lovely family, getting to know you is an experience of how to love unconditionally. Thank you for sharing Shaye and Amanda, whatever you choose to do it's 100% supported.❤️

[moorecookiesplease]

It was hard coming to terms of not becoming a mother, but I have learned to be content with my life as it turned out. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments that are still incredibly hard when I see others who didn’t struggle in the way I did, but that is life right? Life didn’t promise me a rose garden, after all.

[tthomas]

It's beautiful to see the emotions from the both of you. It's raw and real. It's actually why I love listening and understanding how the change you have been going through and are going through, includes us. I thank you for sharing such emotion. Blessings to ALL of you ❤️

[lorij]

Clarity is such a huge Gift. I pray for clarity for myself alot and now I will pray for you both to have peace in your heart one way or another. You are such a gorgeous couple with a beautiful family! Happy Holidays. I look forward to seeing your next post.

[loisbecker]

After my 4th baby I just new this would be my last one.. but in your situation and knowing you still have two more embryos, I would 100% use both of them and embrace the possibilities of having two more children ❤❤

[danab.]

My sister and I are twelve years apart. I can't imagine never knowing her. God Bless you both ❤

[susanweistart]

Grandbabies are the best and something to look forward to. You will have that baby experience again, when you're nice and ready for it. Highly recommend!

[donnabasile]

Your honesty and integrity are an inspiration to me:). Keep showing up:). You bring such light to me and to our world!

[kelleypritchard]

My oldest would have been 46 in April. My youngest is 4! I have a total of 14, not all bio but they are all mine! Said all that to say there are children of all ages that need a loving home, and if adoption isn’t a right fit you can start slow by becoming a foster family! I love my beautiful life I’m just feeling way too old to have a tiny little 4 year old lol.