What To Look For In A Partner: Secure & Healthy Signs

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What are the secure and healthy signs to look for in a partner? When you are wanting to choose a partner wisely, with discernment, you need to identify what secure and healthy LOOKS like on a date.

In this lesson I’ll also go through the overall qualities of a secure and healthy partner, and watch till the end where I discuss the RED FLAGS that should be an absolute NO straight away.

In my years as a self love coach, I’ve guided my clients from every possible heartbreaking scenario and breakup, and given them the tools they need to heal their trauma and learn the discipline of self love, so they can embody their most true, authentic and confident self!

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[LoveByDesign]

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[Fairgreentube]

Core values for Compatibility:

Safety (are you able to be authentic)
Integrity (do the right thing when alone)
Consistency (reliable)
Transparency (able to share anything without fear of judgement)
Accountability (able to have adult conversations)
Self awareness (emotionally intelligent)

Core values for Chemistry:

Self care (good hygiene)
Presentation (humbleness)
Intimacy awareness (able to read the room)
Good sense of humor (knows how to relax)

[KatSNAILS]

This is crazy coincidence. Currently dating a guy like this and I thought it was red flags but after talking to him and seeing this it makes sense why other relationships didn’t work. I’m accustomed to red flag people therefore I have modeled this behavior. Whoa! I really need to work
On myself and relearn behaviors. Thank you 🙏🏼

[LW-wgny]

I was recently dating a guy who did all those things you said. I actually thought he was emotionally unavailable because he was taking things so slow and didn’t seem to want to talk about anything personal to deeply. We dated for 2 1/2 months. Now I’m questioning whether he was emotionally unavailable or just taking a healthy approach to dating.

[elizabethsnyder]

Friendship a important part for relationship

[zachfox]

Its not a red flag if he wants to get to know you. Its a red flag if he doesn't.

[christinamarti]

Self awareness it’s very important love yourself first

[SnagglieFang]

It's important to keep in mind that for an avoidant person their boundaries mean that you will be dismissed and undervalued and then if you try to tell them that they've hurt you they will discard you. Their boundaries are unhealthy. Healthy boundaries should be respected but unhealthy boundaries are simply toxic and therefore need to be either addressed or it's time to move on.

[lancehunter]

Hi,
I found your channel on YouTube earlier in the week. As a male who has worked on my “stuff” and new to the dating scene (online), I like hearing your perspective. Your videos are helpful, dating and meeting new people, looking for new people can be overwhelming… if you let it. Thank you!!
Do you have a podcast?

[dcujjuh]

You talk directly to me with such wisdom and clarity. I appreciate you and your content so much ♥

[heyu]

You need to ask what their intent is, or if they want kids, or what they learned from their previous relationship. If you don’t, you’ll only know them on the surface 😊

[precognation]

Red flags. Everyone is always looking for red flags. No one is perfect. Everybody has problems and people make mistakes. It’s important to give people the benefit of the doubt and to clarify your boundaries. If you keep looking for so many red flags, you’re never gonna find anybody.

[dave-j-k]

Not on a first meet but I would certainly look at asking deeper questions on a first date, also bringing up my relationship needs and so on. If they get scared away or they shut down then they were not a good match from the start.

[dailyauth]

This has been clarifying. I've sensed the guy I have mutual interest with is secure, but it's confirmed by your points. My trauma makes me react to his pace/style with some latent anxiousness but I'm at a point where I'm able to observe that in myself and let it go. Which allows me see that actually he's being healthy, curious, and grounded by going slow! I know I'm worthy of a loving relationship with a secure man, and I can heal. Thank you.

[scarletheartmedicine]

Waw what an amazing full of information video! ❤

[gregoryfriston]

When I make some blunder I'm grateful when the other person laughs it off and minimises it. So I'd be inclined to make light of their embarrassing moments too and tease them over something, rather than to get all serious over it like I think it's a big deal. At the same time, you need to always be careful of other people's sensitivities. And to avoid always repeating the same tiresome joke even if it was well-intentioned to begin with.

[drumsnbass]

I was the “emotionally unavailable” husband from the family with an NPD mother and enabling father. My ex-wife was the “crazy wife” from a highly dysfunctional family, who was selfish, definitely not safe, and acted out thru cheating, lying, binge drinking and manipulating me to be “smaller” due to her personal insecurities.

She knew no boundaries, and was proud of saying “you don’t have any emotions” to me. I used to think that was ridiculous as I felt anger, happiness, sorrow, joy, and everything else. It’s only now, two years post breakup I realize that her lack of safety meant what she wanted from me (that she could not articulate) I could not give her as she wasn’t safe. And what I wanted from her, the physical attention that made me feel wanted and loved and able to open up more (“pillow talk”) she totally dismissed and when it happened was made perfunctory.

I think back to a woman I was with in college where it was easy to share my hopes and dreams. I realize how “safe” she was in comparison to my ex wife.

For the women reading this after watching this video, if you think throwing yourself into the arms of another man and cheating during your marriage will ‘fix’ things, I can assure you it will not. I stoically kept our marriage together after an affair, and tried to be more of what my inarticulate ex-wife wanted. But the damage was done. She was never trustworthy again. And what was sacrificed by me to her own brokenness was incalculable.

[badtzmarugirl]

This was so phenomenal to watch and I felt very recreated. I've been shy on dates because I have been in long-term relationships for at least 13 years and I've been blaming myself for not being more open and even flirtatious. But from your video I feel I've been doing things the right way, like just being comfortable with my own skin and be in a friendly vibe. Thank goodness!! I definitely see I can work on emotional stability in terms of letting people express to me what they think I can work on. Sometimes it feels like criticism that I didn't ask for and I take it personally. Wow and now I see where my intuition has told me this guy isn't for me etc and it's because one of the red flags or more was there! Even for my most recent relationship that was great for 8 years but ended up not working... There were flags.. AND I wasn't who I am today in my level of self awareness. I can be at peace with my journey... I was feeling so bad about myself today that this really, really, really was what I needed to watch. Thank you so MUCH for this video!! I have signed up to meet with you and also to watch the 3 step video as soon as I have time! Thank you for all that you do

[catherineclinckemaillie]

Thank you, I am 46 and have not been aware of these healthy dating steps wow ❤️

[sharoncylkows]

Amy is amazing with her advice. For a young woman she certainly makes a lot of good sense of the modern dating protocols and highlights the traps.
I'm incredibly impressed. Great job Amy! 🤩🙌🌟