DIVIJ - Broke Your Heart (Official Music Video Preview)

DIVIJ - Broke Your Heart (Official Music Video) Preview

When we're in love, we have the best intentions for what's to come, but life happens. Telling someone goodbye is a difficult but necessary part of the human experience.

Take it from me—I recently broke up with a boyfriend of seven years, and while I'm finally in a good place, I'm admittedly still rebuilding and healing. After all, it upended everything I thought I knew at the time: a shared life that seemingly stretched out infinitely in its familiarity, a bustling home together in my favorite city in the world, the person I was and what I thought I wanted. It takes a lot to find meaning in the lessons from the relationship even when it doesn't last forever.

"If you loved this person deeply, you may always love them, but their role in your life has changed," licensed therapist LeNaya Smith Crawford, LMFT, tells mbg. "You can absolutely love them from afar [but] the most important thing is to give yourself grace, honor your emotions day by day and give yourself the space to process for as long as you need."

If you're looking to get over someone after a breakup of any length and emotional capacity, welcome. You're in the right place. The tips below will help guide you into letting go with peace:
1. Go no-contact with your ex.
"Ending a relationship is challenging. I encourage anyone who has just experienced a breakup to take time away from their ex and get into the activities and things that are good for their mental health," says Smith Crawford.

Yes, that means removing them from social media, getting rid of any physical reminders, and blocking them if necessary. You don't want to deal with potential mixed signals, get caught up in their journey by comparing your healing to theirs, or find yourself trying to pretend to be over your ex online.

Cutting them out of your life can feel harsh because you're so used to their presence, but the no-contact rule has proved to be the fastest and most effective way to put the attention back on yourself and focus on needed inner work.

As dating coach Monica Parikh writes at mbg, "The vast majority of people use love as a drug. They get 'high' from an external source—another person's presence and approval. The withdrawal from that feeling that comes with heartbreak after a relationship ends (and the fear that they may not know how to be happy on their own) can be terrifying. But by using the no-contact rule, you will also regain strength, self-esteem, confidence, and empowerment. You also differentiate 'wanting' a partner from 'needing' one."

2. Tend to your intentions and the narrative about your breakup thoughtfully.
Radisha Brown, Ed.D., LCSW, a licensed therapist who specializes in helping people heal from toxic relationships, notes it's important not to get stuck with unhealthy thoughts and unrealistic expectations about yourself while you're sifting through everything. Your thoughts create your reality and affect the way you relate to the world, which will drive how you ultimately feel. As you're processing and being intentional with your healing, be mindful of what you're thinking about and the beliefs you're telling yourself.

"It is common to replay conversations, interactions, or events with your ex. We may recreate the story with our ex as the hero and ourselves as the villain. Remember that perfect people only live in our imagination, and relationships require two individuals working toward the same goal," Brown says.

4. Load up on a lot of self-care.
"Take time for yourself. When you spend a considerable amount of time with someone and that person leaves, that is a big change, and change is often uncomfortable," Smith Crawford says.

In addition to learning to love yourself again, it is especially important that you make extra space for your mental health. Journal your unfiltered thoughts, pick up an old/new hobby, and be sure to scaffold some structure in your days so you have things to look forward to and it's not an endless abyss of introspection.

"Find joy in doing things without a significant other, catching up with close friends, meditation, or therapy. Do what you need to nourish your soul as you process the breakup and start the journey of getting over them," Smith Crawford says.

5. It takes a community to heal from a breakup.
Breakups can be traumatizing, and it takes a village to help you put the pieces back together and find the light at the end of the tunnel. "Build a support system of trusted family, friends, or professionals that will provide emotional support," Brown advises. Your people can serve as pillars as they effectively hold space for you, share their own stories, and affirm what you're going through.