The Four Loves: Eros/Romance (Part 3/4) by C.S. Lewis

Part 3 of "The Four Loves," written and narrated by C.S. Lewis.

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[mk]

"Love ceases to be a demon only when it ceases to be a god" dang bruh

[ProfesserLuigi]

21:10 My favorite part of this lecture. He's so smug and sassy when he says it.

[danielfraser]

I never thought I would find Lewis and ignorance in the same arena until this 'essay'. I would explain that, but do I need to and where would I start. Heaven help anyone who takes this essay on board as the Truth of the matter🙏

[markpatterson]

A person can be erotically aroused by aother's physical apearance or physique. The one is fascinated with the other. The one often doesn't fall in erotic love though. This is a preliminary sexual attraction. The one goes on to scrutinizes further the other. It is when the one is aroused additionally by the other's sexual energy, sexual psyche, sexual behavior, or sexual carriage, that the one gets closer to falling in erotic love. After getting to know the other further, if the one aroused finds the rest of the other's personality also sexually attractive, then the one is most likely to fall in erotic love.

One problem that arises is that the other often does not reciprocate at all or to the same degree. The other might be attracked to the one's looks only, or to the one's looks and sexual energy without liking the one's personality, or to any combination of the three. If one's falling in erotic love is based on physique without the sexual psyche or the personality, then it won't last long.

By definition it takes time to know what is lasting. In the past there used to be the less serious dating period, followed by the more serious engagement period, and then the most serious marriage. People for some time now are having sex before there is dating, if dating even exists anymore. If a sexuality active pair returns to each often enough, then they become a couple for awhile longer. If that lasts, provided no one better comes along, then they might get engaged, and then married when they get their marriage venue planned and booked.

If someone who appears to be better does come along, they will have to sexually engage with the one to find out if the one is really better. Infidelity isn't uncommon before marriage. It even extends into postmarriage. Casual sex or sexual promiscuity undermines fidelity before and after marriage. I wonder if you can even call it infidelity before marriage since no vows were written in stone or in blood. Btw, the Old Covenant was written in stone and the New Testament was written in blood. A traditional covenant wasn't metely a social contract or understanding. It was a testament of fidelity. Marriage often isn't regarded as a covenant. Often it is seen as a social contract which can be broken.

What good end or telos comes from erotic love anyway? It seems the best is the creation of new life or one's offspring who are one's extention of one's life after one dies. Another good from erotic love is finding one's help mate or life-long companion. Two are better than one. When one falls the other is there to pick up the one. Two can keep each other warm at night better than one. Two can withstand an adversary better than one. Without friendship love and agape love, and even familial love (children), communing with erotic love, the two will not stay bonded together over time. Their union or communion will dissolve since familiarity often breeds contempt when the novelty wears off.

Lastly, the third good that comes from erotic love is the good feelings themselves. Good fellings can lift the mood and make one feel special. It boosts one's ego. But as mentioned, this can wear off as the novelty of the pleasure fades. Pleasures wax and wane. This last good alone won't make the pair bonding last. As it wanes, one or the other will look elsewhere for novelty. Then the rejected one's ego falls. Depressing feelings replace the good feelings. Dejection follows rejection. With an 'all is fair in love and war' game is played, pride cycles with humiliation. Equanimity or even-souledness is lacking in the game of love.

It seems to me the hierarchy of goods goes from creation of offspring to pair bonding to pleasure. Yet our modern sexually casual or promiscuous mindset reverses this good order. Sexual pleasure is prioritized over pair bonding. Sexual promiscuity undermines the stability of pair bonding. Pair bonding will not last without trust and good faith. Good faith plus good will (love) are a pair of virtues which make fidelity. The two are better than one. Love without faithfulness is mere affection. Faith without love is dead.

If pair bonding actually is accomplished, the modern couple still regards pregnancy and child rearing burdens to be delayed until the couple enjoys their new life for so many years. Procreation isn't a priority. It gets placed on the back burner while pleasure is boiling over on one front burner, while on the other front burner the relationship gets cooked. Thus, eros love and its goods are often disordered as eros' passion is inordinate or exaggerated, overwhelming temperance and wisdom or sophrosyne.