My wife asked me to choose between my mom and her and I think I am going to divorce her. Reaction

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My wife (31F) asked me (34M) to choose between my mom (55F) and her and I think I am going to divorce her.

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[bunnyprincess]

What I wouldn't give for a % of that care and support. Sounds like an amazing guy but agree with the other comment I wanna hear wife's side cuz nothing is ever so clean cut

[Hareball]

I dunno. You mention he’s doing all of these wonderful things for his wife. Maybe he’s doing these things thinking they’ll make her happy with possibly being neglected in the marriage. She may not want all of these things. She probably wants him and his time. If she had a crappy childhood she probably thought getting married would give her that safe best friend she’s been looking for.

This isn’t a mom problem it’s an OP problem. He maybe painting himself to be great but throwing gifts at someone who wants your time isn’t going to work.

[hannavuorio]

Anyway, I think there's something else, bc my alarms gone off by "too perfect" spouse...

[linshannon]

Certainly from what OP says, he's clearly made the right choice, and yet, it'd be nice to hear the distaff side of the story. But to me, the key moment was that this issue cropped up BEFORE OP and his now wife were married. As this is the hill on which OP decided to make his stand, why wasn't it dealt with before their wedding?

[ritapaolantonio]

Yeah I feel like we definitely need the other side. From the sounds of this story, the first thing that popped into my head is what if she wants kids? Her husband is probably so exhausted from being a caretaker to his mom, both financially and emotionally and physically that I can see where she says “what about our future ?” Also, wanting to pay your mother back is one thing but things like buying someone else a house is something u should discuss with ur long term partner, like if it was important to him he definitely should have bought his mom the house but he should have communicated. I have told my husband that I wanna buy my parents a (fairly expensive trip) for their 50th wedding anniversary and he’s supporting me but that’s still a financial decision that doesn’t benefit us, only my parents. And this is a whole house and now rent for a whole other place. Also him owning and paying for literally everything for her is a bit concerning. I’m not saying he’s doing anything wrong, especially in the way he tells this story but I can see the communication not adding up. I can see him using “well I pay for everything so I should get my way” as a manipulative tactic. Idk, I’d need the wife’s side

[avernion]

He sounds so wonderful that I’m suspicious. Would love to hear the other side too.
I also wonder about their communication. He said she doesn’t know what foods he likes or hates because he never complains. So he doesn’t tell her when there are things he doesn’t like? That’s not the best for a health relationship either. How is supposed to do better than?

[YahavehsSoldier]

I don't know... I need to hear the other side on this. I love the ones where the other spouse finds out about the post and then makes a post.

[minohki]

The picture he’s painting of himself is a little too perfect.

[amberhaire]

My question is, why the fk is she not over there helping him with his mom?

[laurakerschenbaum]

We haven't heard the other side. It's possible she's concerned with how much energy taking care of his mom is taking from him and she wants to achieve some balance/perspective, no one knows at this point. When my mom died and my father needed 24/7 medical care I did that for him. It was five years going back and forth between his house and ours. It was very difficult on the marital relationship. My husband felt like he was single, and hated that I was constantly tired, dealing with my own medical problems and had divided focus; but I was exceedingly close to and grateful for my parents, and was an only child so no one was there to spot me. We nearly didn't make it, but he was very patient with me in the end, and we worked through it. Hopefully, this couple can do the same thing.

[spunkydiva]

He seems a little to perfect. If it is true… then yes wife needs to learn a lesson and to change her priorities. And this is from someone whose husband’s mom lives with us, since she can’t live alone anymore.

[lailamoussa]

If you watch the updates the story is so deep and wife is going through so much hard times

[MissyGirl]

The wife has issues. I think your spot on, with him showing love to his mom is a good sign.

[dianajones]

The other times that you don’t side with the wife/ spouse are the times when that person is trying to isolate you from your friends and family.

[tammydownes]

The red flags were flying before marriage and married her anyway. He let her know from the beginning he was paying mama back. But her impatients is ruining it all. It's sad.

[SallyCaroline]

Always pay attention to how a man treats his mom because that's how he'll treat you. I couldn't imagine not having my mother-in-law in my life.

[sarahcarrasco]

That guy sounds awesome. It's sad to see so many good people with jerks. I'm not big on divorce but if the wife doesn't radically change, he should probably move on.

What does she even do for her husband? I'd be volunteering to help my MIL. Red flags all over the place.

[tammieterry]

In the absence of an abusive or toxic family, it is a huge red flag for a partner to completely throw away their parents, imo. If everything is as he says it is, and he takes care of everything that he says he does, then his wife is an incredibly selfish person.

[ArtemisPhanes]

Instead of the MIL being the one that demands to have her baby all to herself, it's the wife demanding that OP more or less throw his mother to the winds. Huge massive red flags and if she doesn't come around, you should leave her. I feel bad for the mother though because she seems like she is going to blame herself for the divorce and I really hope that doesn't become the case. OP is an amazing person and I hope his wife comes around or gets gone and OP finds someone who truthfully deserves him.

[JasmynSundayrose]

He should of bought a house with an in-law house attached.