Can love bombing SOMETIMES be GOOD?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Irina_VanRonkel]

I was so excited to meet the vulnerable Narc in my life, they were so perfect and charming, caring and deep- it felt like I started lovebombing them. Narc had multiple difficulties in their life and I felt I must help them. I was trying to do everything possible to make them happy and to make their life easier. Narc accepted everything I did with a quote “do things from love, not for love” (btw they love quotes) - which means they owe me nothing back no matter how hard I try. And it was only worse. At first I felt appreciation and it was very inspiring, a bit later I felt like they do me a big favor to communicate with me, and in the end I was the most horrible person ( and I believed it). I started searching online what can I do better and I found lots of info about narcissists. In very beginning I thought I’m the narcissist. It took lots of time to find out that Narc is not me. After silent treatments and multiple devaluations of my success Narc discarded me. Now its already 3 years how I’m trying to recover. Probably I’ll never go so far to help anyone, I’ve learned my lesson.

[RoseThePhoenix]

I'm glad you talked about this. I've been pretty socially awkward for most of my life, and had a hell of a time flirting effectively. (Having trouble getting dates was at least part of the reason I tolerated abuse in my past relationship with a covert narc.) So, anyway, at one point I was lovebombed by a grandiose style narc, and remember thinking, "oh, this is how to flirt effectively!" The relationship didn't last very long because it was lovebombing in that classic sense of trying to manipulate me into sacrificing everything to get that affection back (and I wasn't willing to do that again.) But, again, I remember thinking, "if you had just continued acting like this, without the nasty comments, I would have wanted to be with you forever."
Anyway, I know I'm rambling a little, but I met this person I was really interested in, and I tried some of the same flirting techniques (basically just outright saying how attractive and interesting I found them to be, giving little gifts just because, saying I was happy to see them pretty often.) Once I realized I was replicating a lovebomb scenario I'd experienced, I was worried that maybe this was inherently toxic and I should be less effusive, but I wasn't lying about any of it. I really am happy every time I see this person, I really do appreciate a lot of things in this relationship. It's been a year and a half, and I still say something every time I have a positive thought, basically. We just got engaged.

[genevalawrence]

As is often the case, Dr. Ramani, your video landed right on time for me. Right now as I'm watching this I'm looking at a dozen roses I received yesterday from a man who is interested in me. I left a malignant narcissist 6 years ago. I gave myself time and space to heal, and in the last few months, I've waded back into the dating pool. And one thing I've realized is that men in my age range (late baby boomer/early genX) engage in behavior that looks like lovebombing early in dating, but some do so without apparent red flags. Looking at the films we all grew up with makes me wonder whether some of that comes from cultural expectations that our generations were taught, at least here in the US, about what early courtship is supposed to look like/feel like.

[greylizard]

It DID distract me in a good way, I was very very sick with a serious health issue and was lovebombed by a person online who spent almost every day of 6 months talking to me, watching shows and movies, and playing video games together. There was a lot of devaluation mixed in, but I still had hope, and thought they really did care about me. A year and a half since abandonment during a trip I took to meet them, I know it's done, it's over, that person is gone and never really existed, but there's a part of me still attached to who they were to me in those 6 months. It's going to take some time still for that connection to disappear from my mind, even though I'm doing the work.

[NellyBlyAlibi]

If it’s authentic deep appreciation being expressed fully and wholeheartedly, without agenda of any kind but simply for the joy of sharing it with the person who inspires these feelings, it’s not lovebombing. I’m for saving the vocabulary of narcissism for when it really applies; we know how hard it can be for others to understand the web of tricky tactics and behaviors of narcissistic relationships, we NEED these words as anchors when nothing else is there to speak these realities for us.

[harliebroussard]

This video is great and here I my reason people who have ADHD tend to also love bomb but what makes it different is they tend to get caught up in a hyperinflation or paralysis and it can make others feel like less of a priority which isn't true. It's not intentional and they honestly don't have much control over it and always feel bad about it. And when they get out of that there partner starts to feel like they don't matter as much so the person with ADHD wants to show them they do and it comes off as love bombing. They also don't typically have invalidation and other things that go along with it. It's not manipulation it's a genuine effort to show love. They just cannot stay focused on the same things as others so it waxes and wanes. A lot of people with ADHD get accused of this and called a narcissist and get treated as subhuman when that isnt what is happening. In that situation when both partners understand that while it can be worked on and minimized it's never gonna not happen love bombing is a good thing and helps sustain a loving relationship.

[mommaboombam]

Happy Self Love Day to everyone. Wishing everyone healing from their situations. Stay focused and love yourself. Thank you again Dr. Romani. mmba

[gertrudewest]

I have been loved bombed to the point that even when someone pays me a compliment, I stiffen, thinking “ what fresh hell is this”.

[mjblazy]

Thanks for this video #DrRamani. You were right. Ending it with a narcissist is messy. Almost through it 😊

[patrickbinford]

Thanks for the focused, realistic reminder, that this is a narcissism channel. It's so important. Your topic was relevant to me, in light of the emphasis that "love" (non scare quote quotes, but rather quotes that indicate the word itself) has on our society, even beyond romantic love, and into all the other Greek categorizations on the word.

Stay vigilant, and progress in healthy perspective, y'all.
#Trust
#ButRewireYourself
#ToGetHEALTHY
#Seriously

[MiKafchin]

Thank you Dr Ramani for all your advices and videos !! We all love you !

[tinaanderson]

Thank you Dr Romani for shining the light on love bombing.
I couldn't make any sense of how or why someone would be so loving and generous and seductive would then turn around and tell me how ungrateful I was. As if I had handed him a list of demands.
I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world, I'd finally found the one that spoke to my soul.
I did finally come to understand there were strings attached to everything he did for me or gave me but even then I was unable to break away.
He finally discarded me, at first it felt like the end of the world but now I understand that I did hit the jackpot with him leaving me!!!

[mtdvideos]

My daughter, a professional musician, experienced love bombing on steroids when a wealthy, narcissistic fan thought he could buy and own her. At first she was flattered and thought he was sincerely altruistic and wanted to promote her career, but she soon realized what was going on. She went no-contact within a couple of months, but not before he had showered her with over $50K worth of gifts. Her friends joked that she was lucky to have that problem, but she was so grossed out that he thought he could buy her affection that she had to shut it down.

[denisedevoto]

Lovebombing is good when you recognize the red flags and leave. My ex sent me a dozen roses to my work when we had just started dating, and it did make me feel uncomfortable, but I ignored my gut. I married him, worst 18 years of my life.

[Enchantedmedicine]

Dr Ramani, you are a true HERO. THANKYOU
You have made so much of a difference to my life with all of your knowledge, experience and education on these personality styles. God Bless You❤️❤️❤️

[lindaamerica]

I have to share this. The narc in my past life texted me love bombs on Valentine's Day! She is so rude and selfish, she couldn't enjoy the special evening with her own husband! I was like, wow! She's so old and desperate now. I don't communicate with her at all. I just feel sorry for her because she really doesn't have a clue.

[elisafloriana]

I think love bombing is the honeymoon phase in a new relationship, like spice in relationship and liven up the spark. However, within reasonable boundaries. If someone can't live without their partner, maybe this person have attachment issues and need to seek help. This is my opinion.

[blackquiver]

0:21. Depending on what u mean by that exactly.. ??. Love bombing.. haven't seen some one for a while. A child spouse. Gotta define that more for me.. spoiling a person is not live boombing IMO.

[c.ravenwood]

I'm very grateful you mention that it's not that intentional, Dr. Evil-esque, planned-out manipulation. I'm just not important enough to him for him to be trying to make me feel bad, he's just interested in trying to make himself feel good, my experience just doesn't matter to him and if I do get hurt along the way, well that's probably my fault (in his mind) as well. He really does think I'm the problem, because how could he ever admit to himself that's he's even partially to blame for anything....

[llpolluxll]

I was love bombed when I came out to my mother. It's hard for some people to understand why it was so hurtful. The reason I was hurt was because she was using it to silence me and turn my coming out into something akin to me admitting that I was a drug addict. She is very homophobic and wants me to get back into the church. She wants to create these artificial connections with me to manipulate me into doing what she wants and she succeeded in preventing me from talking about the times she said really hurtful things. I finally confronted her about it later and she trotted out all of these sexual assault stories, many of them had nothing to do with homosexuality as it was a man praying on underage women and used that as an excuse for her hate. She told me that she wanted me to "keep my lifestyle to myself." I don't visit or even reach out to her anymore and she doesn't engage with me. I've learned to move on. Her Mormon faith teaches her to shun me since I'll likely come back since I can't find "true happiness" away from the church. She is going to be perpetually disappointed. The worst days of my life were the ones where I came to the slow realization how much some of my family actually cares about me as a healthy functioning adult. They would rather I self destruct as a believer than live the rest of my life in disbelief. The Mormon church teaches it's members to remain as children and gaslight themselves into thinking they are truly happy even as they are suffering. My mother will never accept me as I am and it's been a long hard road pulling myself out of those patterns.