An African-American's take on the 'German Stare'...

In this video, I'm responding to a comment from one of my subscribers.

Question: How should foreigners interpret / respond to being stared at in Germany?

Let me know your thoughts below! :)

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F A Q
- What’s your name? ➭ Chris
- Are you religious? ➭ Yes, Christian
- How old are you? ➭ 28
- What's your sign? ➭ Gemini
- How tall are you? ➭ 6'2"
- What’s your ethnicity? ➭ African-American / Nigerian, Congolese, Cameroonian
- Where are you from? ➭ Detroit, MI, USA

[claraannoying]

As an Asian in Germany, I "stared" back and somehow people felt a bit embarrassed. Then some would avoid eye contact; some would reply with a smile.😀

[WhisperzVerse]

I'm biracial German (black/white) and spent my childhood in Germany. It's usually the older ppl who stare but it's never made me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I will smile and greet them :) they either smile back or feel embarrassed and we move on. No big deal. I must say it is far more scary living here in the southern parts of the United States than it is in Germany. I know I'm safe in Germany even if they are staring, I can't say the same about the United States. Also, it doesn't matter where i go in the world (The US to Europe to Asia), I stand out and get stared at because I look so different and for the most part ppl are just curious about me so I don't take offense.

[aaronrochard]

Very interesting take. I travel all around western Europe on a regular basis and definitely have noticed it. To me it seemed much less common in the south (I'm often in Regensburg - my favourite German city) and see it now and then, but one time I ventured up to Luebeck and it was REALLY bad there. My wife and I are an interracial couple, so I often assume it has something to do with that. One time I literally saw an "Oma" stare at us, stare at the ring on my finger then shake her head disapprovingly. Next time she looked down at my hand, my middle finger was extended, lol.

[FabiansTinyWorkshop]

I'm white and German, but when I'm on the bus, there's always someone staring at me. In most cases, however, I'm sure the person is just lost in thought. Of course, I don't know what it's like to stand out from the crowd visually.

Easier said than done, of course, but I'd try to focus on the many people who aren't staring and who are friendly rather than the (hopefully) few idiots.

What would I do if someone stared at me? Hm, maybe smile nicely and nod at them. I don't think most people do it with bad intentions.

[chrissbayer]

As a German, I've never realized that "staring"-thing before many expats living here mentioned it on Youtube. I'm sure I stare myself at people, but I'm mostly not aware of it and completely lost in thoughts while doing it. Sometimes people stare back with a smile, than I would of course smile back :). It's not meant in an aggressive or rude way, it`s just a (maybe bad?) habit of looking at people who come across or who we meet randomly. I think, what you could do is staring back with a smile. :)

[RikiHawk]

I spent nine years in Germany. When I first noticed the "stare, " my friends and I would just stare back. One time, a group of us were eating dinner, and a German family stared at us. One of my friends picked up his plate and sat at the table with the family. Mainly because he spoke German. It was all non-threatening, and he returned and confirmed what we already knew. They were just curious about us. Since most Germans do not go out of their way to talk to people, they will like us from the beginning but must learn how to talk to us. After talking to the family, we drank beer with them. We learned that we won't be on the defense if they stare at us. We'll go the offense and stare back. Just what we did, and we never had issues.

[paultran]

hey Chris! I just got back here in München yesterday. As an American who frequently comes here I definitely get those stares all the time. I just think people are generally just curious or something. I really don't think much of it. Reminds me of that saying...."What others think about you is none of your business." Anyhoo...cheers mate and keep those videos coming !

[raythevagabond]

Hello Chris, let me address your question regarding the stare.
To be honest, the first time I became really aware of it was through videos like this. I mean, when I was a teenager and something embarassing happend, sure I thought "damn, people must have seen that". But that was less about staring in generall.
And I think, if and when I stare at people, it might start out of curiousity or because I observe some interesting or pretty features of a person without expecting anything. But it also just could be that I look in a direction and look "through" a person while being in my own thoughts and don't even really see the person. Even if I start to look at someone it can end in something like that.
How to react? Well, just ignore it. Or if you feel like you would like to react, just smile and see if there is a reaction, or say a friendly hi (even I never had a conversation because of a stare, one reason why I wasn't aware of it befor).
Since it really seem to be a cultural thing, confidently ignoring it might be the best solution. Like a european tourist can/should ignore an invitation like "let's meet sometime again" when having an unexpected conversation on the streets with a stranger in the U.S..

Regarding the N-word. Yepp, can happen. One day I had to teach a teenage child of friends that this shouldn't be used and got a surprised "why? They are my friends and call each other also this word". Some Rap-Songs also doesn't help to teach that it isn't cool. Next to, that the older generation grew up with product names which included the german version of the N-Word, without meant to be racist. I mean, I accept how it is but it also took me a while to understand at first, especially when you call yourself black and the N-Word doesn't mean anything else - well, the english version with the er-ending has surely more of a racist meaning.
All in all I tried to explain to this young person that it is kinda as if you call your partner "nicknames" which is acceptable between you and your partner but you don't want to hear from other people.
This is one side, the other is surely racism. Some people feel hatred and need "the other" to attack them for ... what ever "reason". Maybe take it with humore and be glad that they don't call you an "Ossi" .. well, this could now be misunderstood as kinda racist from me against the Ossis, even I get meanwhile confused about who they are nowadays, from Ostfriesland or from former East Germany?
By the way, I also think that terms like black and white are a bit wierd, I never have seen a black or white person, we all just have different levels of pigmentation (level of brown would be the closest I guess). And some, so called white people I know get an even darker skin color in summer than some who call themself black.

How to catch if someone is "black" and german, next to hear the person talking, I assume the outfit migh give a hint sometimes and/or if they walk along like a tourist, catching everything with their eyes, having a good time or looking as if they are a bit lost, or if they are just direct and confident on the way to their destination while ignoring their environment .. or .. if you catch them staring ;)

Side note, in case it might be interesting for you or someone else. Yesterday evening YT recommended me, and I watched a video about a not so well known part of german history. The title was "Black Artists under Nazi Persecution". In this video they talk about how "black germans" and also "black" people from other countries who did live in germany between 1915 or so and 1945 have been treated and even show some video short cuts about those times. It is from the channel "United States Holocaust Memorial Museum", so, it is all in english.

[its_just_marvlus]

I met german transfers. They were starring at me like i was the biggest black man they've ever seen😳😂

[rewanthr]

I think there is a cultural difference between USA and Germany here too. I'm from India, lived in Munich and New Jersey, and I can say that staring is common equally in Germany and India. What you call staring, I have come to think of it as making eye contact for a slightly extended period of time. I have found that Americans are really uncomfortable with making eye contact and would rather pretend someone else doesn't exist when walking down the street. So it could be that you are used to that level of making eye-contact and are uncomfortable when it is longer than that. @Chris Murphy How was your experience in China? I wish you had touched upon that a bit more in that video. Could it have been that you were stared at equally or more in China? If yes, could it be that you have internally set different standards for China and Germany, which are both not the USA?

Considering the racism aspect of it, as a PoC I have experience quite a bit of racism in Germany myself. But I feel the staring is not as much as a race based thing as it is just a German thing. My white North American friends in Munich have complained about this a lot too, whereas my Indian and other European friends have been pretty much okay with relatively. That said, granted, as a PoC, you are going to stand out in any German city, even Munich, and are going to be stared at more than a white person, for sure. The intention behind the stares in Germany have been difficult and confusing and frustrating at times, in understanding whether it stems from racism or curiosity or if it is just a blank stare. You just learn to live with it.

[alexandersteinmetz]

we Stare out of curiosity mainly. And as some mention, we mostly didnt get parented or educated, that its not very polite. We dont think about us beeing very special, or very outstanding in our Look- alike in General, and so many would surely stare at you, just beeing fascinated. only when its the whitehaired Grandma in the window- that stare is the so called "we stare cause we care" Version. You may have noticed that many Kids are on the Streets, and Ladies in the Windows somehow think someone got to look after them, so nothing bad happens, CellPhone on standby for Call Authorities, if something seems wrong. No Joke:)
At Least you dont have to be afraid, that the staring vis a Vis would take out an Gun.

[HennoOo]

Can totally relate, and I'm happy to report that I did find the right response to stares: I would smile back and/or say hello and immediately I get asked almost always: where are you from? So I understand now that the stare is ofc not intentional but in their heads they're trying to guess where we're from

[karinland]

As German I think people look at each other, not stare. So, I do not care.
But I am sorry some more seconds of eye contact makes people uncomfortable. It really is subconscious to us. I also think there can’t be anything done about it, it is ingrained into our culture.
So a tip to handle it: treat it as it usually is eyecontact and acknowledgemet of your existence.
I have lived abroad and know how this things can affect you, in this case it is how you handle it.

[waltquietpro]

I used to stare back intensely and they would look away😂

[martingerlitz]

Just greet, nodd or smile friendly. This is how you should handle it. It's a preparation for greeting. It's rude to look away.

[Opa_Andre]

Hi Chris,
there are a plenty of reasons why we "stare". So just a few examples as one could write a complete novel about it. While sitting in an outdoor area of an restaurant or cafe being alone, I for example like to watch people but having no particular thing in mind. While looking around your eye catches things which stand out / are different from the mass. So it might be (not limited to) things like: Specific attibutes of your body (haircut / color, skin color, being much taller or little than the crowd, being extremely skinny or fat). It also might be about what you're wearing, like bright colored clothing as an adult, specific business clothing, a fur coat, something looking expensive... It might be how you're acting (being expressive, laughing hard / discussing loudly with another person / speaking in a different language...). It might be a person with special needs, like being in a wheelchair, or just moving differently than "usual", a person who might need some kind of help... It might be your sexuality, so for example two men holding hands or kissing each other (probably being gay) is rarely seen compared to two women where acting this way is more common so you wouldn't assume that they might be a lesbian couple. It's not about anything being wrong, it's just about being different or uncommon. So all of the above are just examples just being "standing out" or "being exotic" instead of blending in.

Another example would be people who came my way and greet, while I am on my way and in my own thoughts thinking about something. So with a more expressive greeting they might pulling me out of my current thoughts and I might think: Do I know this person? Do I remember him/her? Have I seen him/her before? Is him/her someone who might need help? Did I forget something... leading me to have a puzzled or strange facial expression which is then recognized and makes the other one being puzzled as well.

In most cases I'd say, we Germans are just watching without judging. We generally try to prevent from invading your privacy and we do not want you to invade our privacy as long as we don't know eachother. There might be rare exceptions - as everywhere in the world.

On the other hand, what you describe could also be a kind of "self-fulfilling prophecy". So, if you always believe you are "the one being stared at, " you look for more and more of these events for proof or to convince yourself that this is true. Which - over time, leads to more and more bad feelings or even serious issues which in fact don't exist. Best approach to this IMHO would be "don't take this that serious, care less about what others (strangers) might think about you" and continue to live your live as you like. You only have their attention for the moment, but they won't pay any further thought to you anyway.

[joshina]

I would say the perfect response to Germans staring at you is.. just saying nothing, we often just want to stare at random people (it's like a habit), not to talk to them 😅 or better, just stare back xD

[matheshommert]

as an asian that was born and raised in Munich the stare feels like something normal and i see the stare directed at everyone

[missoats]

The "staring" is definitely not a racist thing (99, 9% of the time). My friend from France, who could easily pass as a typical German, complains about it, too. He even says "everyone looks at me like they are disgusted". I never realized it until I saw videos like this, but I guess I do it too and I never thought of me as staring.

It's hard to give tips on how to react honestly, because we don't even realize we are doing something noteworthy. So basically every reaction would seem like you are randomly starting a conversation with a stranger. I guess if you feel like you have to react, looking at the "starer" and subtly smiling would be the best way to go. On the other hand, I can see how it would be kind of counter-intuitive to smile at someone you think is harassing you 😂

[wanderlust]

As a German who has lived abroad for many years, I also do notice this. In the UK, for example, people avoid eye contact. In Germany they don't. That's all I think. I think it is more about curiousity. Some people may just be lost in their thoughts as some people here already have mentioned. And if you are lucky, it's a hot woman (or man) ;)