5 Ways British and American Families Are Very Different

In which I outline some of the ways British and American family norms and traditions are really quite different.

[StuartdeHaro]

My maternal grandmother was British and we called her MawMaw, although this was in the southern US. Side note, my grandparents met during WWII. My grandfather got the names and addresses of every girl he danced with while he was over there. After the war he wrote to every single one of them and asked if they might consider marrying him. MawMaw was the only one who wrote back. It's a love story for the ages really.

[cyirvine]

As a US newlywed I went to first family gathering (in California) about 50 people. The hostess was spouse's grandmother's sister's granddaughter! Joined a poker game and was trying to clarify the relationships when another player said, " oh, give it up! I've been married into this family for 15 years and I still can't figure it out. Just enjoy all the various people and know somehow they're your family. "

[marigeobrien]

BTW, one reason parties can seem so huge is, very often, friends of the hosts are included, as well as the friends' families (children, parents, brothers, sisters). Especially on holidays. "No one should ever be alone on a holiday, " is a pretty common theme. The result is enormous parties. I've hosted my fair share over the years.

[AxelQC]

These subgraduation parties are a new thing, like gender reveal parties. When I was growing up, I got 1 graduation at the end of HS. Every other graduation involved getting a university degree.

[christopherlarsen]

My home is multigenerational and has been since my first child was born some 16 years ago. I love it. I was an Army brat, born into a remarkably nuclear family that followed my father as he was deployed all over the world. The idea of extended family was foreign to my siblings and me, albeit a romantic idea. Now I live in a multigenerational household and wouldn't have it any other way. Fantastic support.

[JessicaElle]

As someone who performed in colorguard for 8 years and coached for 4 more, hearing Lawrence explain colorguard might be my favorite thing that has ever happened!

[janach]

Fifty years ago, only high school and college graduations were marked by ceremonies and parties. Celebrating every change in school level is a new thing.

[merrypruitt]

Siblings in the US are sometimes called big brother/sister, little brother/sister, baby brother/sister, but I think this is mostly when referring to your own siblings.

[CallieMasters]

I worked at an international school in Europe. We'd interview the kids to test their language levels, and ask "Who's in your family?". American kids would always say "Mom, dad, brother and sister (+ half/step siblings)". The kids from Europe would always include grandparents too. We always thought this was interesting, as the American kids didn't include grandparents in their immediate family unit.

[californiahiker]

Having grown up across the pond in Germany, I have to admit that German families are much more in line with families in the UK. We got together with grandparents, aunts, and uncles on everybody’s birthday, adults and children alike. We had afternoon coffee and fancy cakes and tortes on those occasions. We often got together on Christmas and Easter as well. Most relatives lived in town. I remember those occasions quite fondly.
Graduations weren’t celebrated. No fuss. There weren’t any baby showers or wedding showers, either. We celebrated only the actual wedding or christening of a child. One occasion that was celebrated in grander style was confirmation. Every relative turned up for that one.
But I do remember thinking, after slaving away in nursing school for 4 years, there were no cards of congratulations, nor any sort of celebration…. that should have counted for a little something. Maybe it’s different now, I don’t know. But those were different times, life was simpler.
I have been living in the US for decades. We celebrate each grandchild’s high school graduation, and I expect in time, their college graduations. At the time of their graduations we lived 1000 miles away from them. But we showed up for each and every one of their HS graduations, emphasizing how important an education is. Thankfully we now live a lot closer to them. I much prefer the way American culture support their offspring in their endeavors. My German upbringing left me feeling somewhat undervalued and unappreciated. Maybe again, different times. You can only learn from your past and change the present as you see fit.
As always, Laurence, nicely done!

[maureenfrederick]

I’m a baby boomer from Long Island, New York, and I have 5 siblings. When you include our spouses and children, the children’s spouses and their children, we number 43! And, very proudly I must say, we are all well educated and very successful. It’s not easy to get everyone together anymore, but we’ve managed 2 family picnics since our parents passed away. Family is everything 😊

[mjinba]

For what it's worth, graduation ceremonies for lower grades - and parties - particularly kindergarten and elementary school, is sort of a recent thing in America. Post 1980's maybe? I've always thought it was silly and likely to convince children that their "accomplishments" in school are inherently exceptional rather than a natural preparation for adulthood. It also diminishes the coming of age ceremony that is high school graduation, which marks the end of compulsory education and, for 18 year olds, acknowledges their transition to adulthood with legal rights to their own decisions and life choices.

[cathyaudette]

Being an American of Italian descent, I called my grandparents Nonna and Nonno. Their daughter (my mother) wanted to be called Grandma. And so it still goes.

[Agent]

The concept of a graduation ceremony for every single phase of education is a relatively new thing.I had a high school graduation and university graduate but that was it.

[liszacharysmith]

Having ancestry from England, I feel you should start doing videos on what makes America like England! Everything lost in the pond but not forgotten!!

[kimberlymoore]

We did a multigenerational home in 2013 when my mom at 62 had stage 4 cancer and all the family came to my house. It was me, my children, parents,
siblings a niece and nephew. I’m glad we were able to do it. It was an important time where we needed one another. It was 5 months.

[lisapop]

I have to say that extended family get togethers have gone down a lot as Americans have spread out across the continent. Some families only get together every couple of years. When I was a kid my aunts & uncles were close by & got together for holidays. Almost all of us cousins live all over & even the ones that are close don't get together like the parents did

[duanehamilton]

My mother's parents came from England. We addressed our aunts as aunty. My mother, called aunty Joan by my cousins, spoiled that tradition by naming my youngest sister Faith. Our pronunciation of aunty sounded a lot like the prefix anti. Anti Faith somehow didn't cut it

[zelphiaellerson]

GrammyZ here wanting to mention being a US Swim Mom who sat through swim meets for 16 hours to watch her 3 sons swim a total of 30 minutes. (Yes, I owned a Kindle!) Two of the 3 are now parents, and I'm encouraging all sorts of sports, dance, music, debate, gymnastics and art appreciation! They're now mentioning hosting holiday dinners. Life is good!

[Fife]

Great observation about the extracurriculars. My friend from Norway that I met in community college applied to USC with perfect grades and didn't get in, she realized that having perfect grades here is not enough (and this is only USC, imagine how hard getting into Berkeley, Harvard, Caltech, MIT, or UofC is). She humbly admitted that she thought it was going to be easy to get into a good in the US because "American school is easy", until this happened. She applied to the same university the next year though, after she made up for not being involved in any extracurricular activities, internships, or volunteering, and got in! 🎉
From my perspective, I didn't know she didn't do any extracurriculars while we were in community college together, I thought it was common sense. This is likely the reason why extracurriculars here are emphasized, as well as academic success.