Cold - Jorge Mendez (1 Hour Mix with Subtle Rain) [Saddest Piano & Violin Ever]

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- © Copyright of all Audio belongs to Jorge Méndez -

[Nabilion]

“There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function.
The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that
moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last
time.”

[morgane]

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live"

[exist]

I have never done a "here's my story" but my insides ache to share it, so here goes:

I'm a guy. I'm 24 years old, have lived a life of constant guilt and shame. This is a very long story of my life.
Grab a blanket, you're in for a pretty tragic ride.

When I was 5, my sister (3 years old at the time) was raped in front of me by my step brother. My family was outside having a cigarette and chatting. He wanted to play doctor, which led to, well, you know the rest. I stood there and...cried. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. It's been difficult to manage that ever since.

My family of five (myself, mom, pop, two sisters) moved up to NH when I was in fifth grade. I never really had a home; we always moved at least once a year. Landlord was crazy, or my mom pissed off the landlord, always led us to have to pack our shit and find a new place. My dad was a truck driver, so I never got to see him much.

Gonna skip the majority of my childhood. I get a blank thought when I try to reminisce it. Only thing I can remember was seeing my grandfather die in front of me when I was in 7th grade.

Around the time I was 18 (2012), I met a girl online. Her name was Littia. We vibed pretty quickly, but something weird happened when we got closer. I would randomly get pains in my stomach, and headaches (I never had headaches as a kid), and my first thought would be Littia. I would text her
"hey love you okay?" her response:
"yeah I just have a headache", or "yeah my ulcers are acting up again."
I would be sitting in my room depressed, and she would text me,
"hey you wanna talk about it?" my response:
"talk about what?"
"you're depressed. I can feel it"
We felt each other emotions. We felt each others pain.
You likely won't believe that. I can't prove it to you, but I am a man of my word. We lived states away, her in Oregon, me in New Hampshire.
I decided to enlist in the army when I was 17. We were dating at the time, but I promised her once I got through basic and school I would marry her, and finally get to meet this mysterious and incredible woman. We promised we would write letters, before I was shortly sent off to basic two weeks after high school graduation.
During basic, I never received a single letter from her.
About five weeks into basic, I ended up getting a hernia (inguinal). I went through the rest of the training, and 4 weeks later I arrive in a hospital ready to undergo surgery. After surgery, I was sent back home for 30 days to recover and recuperate. First thought was to contact her, ask what happened why no letters?! She responded asking the same thing (come to find out her grandmother was tossing them away, both our letters to each other). We got into a massive fight in october 2012, and shortly a few days later I receive a message from her friend saying, she killed herself.
I felt...hollow ever since. About a week later I was sent back to training in basic, got another hernia, another procedure later, another 30 days of recovery. 9 months later, I finally got through basic.

2014 arrived, and I met yet another woman. This time however, she wasn't like Littia in any shape or form, but she had the mentality of an individual, and I needed someone like her in my life. We started dating, it was nice to feel...not so alone again.
A year later, I receive news we're going to deploy to Afghanistan. I honestly was terrified. What if I make a mistake and get people killed? That was my biggest fucking fear. I could careless about myself at this time. My life has been a pattern of mistakes and I can't fathom comprehending something that's a life or death situation for another soul.
We got deployed in 2015. First few months were calm. Nothing happened. Just doing my daily thing, checking up on each convoy and tracking their movements. I got complacent.
June 2015 occurs and I'm sitting there, tracking one convoy. They wanted to change routes. Okay, do your thing bud. I put it down on paper and shortly got off shift. I didn't expect anything that day. Bout 20 minutes later, the whole compound shakes from an incredible boom. I rush over to the crowd to find out that convoy took a bad route. I didn't think to see if that was a bad route.
4 of my buddies were injured. One stabbed.
Several locals were injured, some killed.

...I can't explain the amount of torture I endured over the course of three months for my mistake. It literally tore my entire mentality to the core and then some. I lost everything that was me that day.
I got back from deployment, my girlfriend and I got married shortly after. Got a house with two kitties. Life seemed nice...except my mentality was gone. I was a complete, utter, underneath the rabbit hole dead on the inside shell. My now wife took this as an opportunity to make money, and had me over the course of 2 further years of our relationship give her complete and utter control of our finances.
I ended up being medically discharged from the military after two suicide attempts. We moved to Colorado, hoping for a new, refreshed life. During this course my friends and family were practically begging me not to go.
"Shes using you man, you have to end this now"
"How can you not see she's making you feel like the monster?"
I didn't care. I deserved all of it. So we proceed to move.
2018, in August, I finally popped. I snapped out of my mentality for the first time in over 3 years after the incident, 6 years after the death of the only woman I ever truly loved. I had enough. I packed some things in my Jeep and decided this is it. I'm going to end all of this now. No more pain. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, and here is the fucking day.
Once I get back to New Hampshire, I'll hug my father for the last time. Kiss my mom for the last time. Tease my two sisters for the last time. Say hi to all my friends who haven't seen me in 7 years, and end my life on the beach; my favorite place.
I took off in my practically rotted jeep (she wouldn't allow me to fix it, too expensive and I can always take an uber was her response), and set sail across the country for the last time. I was excited, so...so excited. I was going to end all this pain once and for all. No more regret, no more mistakes. I cant hurt anymore people if im dead right? I ironically played this exact video as I drove away from my house, my two beautiful loveable kittens. The wife that used and controlled me for 4 years.
It'll all be over soon.

See the mind is life a bountiful ocean, and ships are your dreams, goals. As you walk the shore, tragedy hits, breaking down these incredibly beautiful ships, only to lay waste to what I call the place where dead ships dwell. I want to die and be set free on the beach. So I can traverse the shoreline, listening to the waves for all eternity.

My plan was in motion. And over the course of a month, from August to September, I finished up my bucket list of things to do before I die. It's a rather...short bucket list. My dreams were crushed a long, long time ago by now.
I finally got back to New Hampshire. My family was so happy, in tears, to see me back home. And it made it so...so fucking difficult to keep with the plan because I loved them so much. They were all I had left in this cruel world.
It was my moms birthday shortly after my return. We went up to some little family spot my mom always wanted to go to. She had a blast.
We got back in the car after our fun. Everyone was talking, and goddamnit it was so hard not to cry, but I couldn't hold it anymore. All the pain I can see come to an end, but why....WHY would I want to sign my pain to them? I don't want to hurt people anymore. Especially my family. My dad is my idol. He's such a hardworking, genuinely good guy. I always strived to be like him. I couldn't do that to him. I just cant. I had a mental breakdown in the car, I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life.
And...they were there for me.
They saw the shit I've gone through. The stories I told them.
They saw the woman I was with, and they've been patiently waiting for me to wake up and come home.

It's December now. Almost Christmas time.
For the first time in 7 years, I'm going to have a Christmas with my family again.
A local charity group is helping me fix my Jeep. She's actually in the shop as of today.
I have an incredible support system with the local VA. Therapist, medication, all that jazz.
for once in my life, I'm actually pursuing my dreams, and finally taking back control of my mentality.

I'm sorry for the long story. I had a lot of breakdowns writing this. Experiencing those things once more.
If you actually, honestly read all of this, from the bottom of my heart thank you. You're welcome to join me on my journey towards self development; that's actually always been my dream. To grow a community of people that have had a tough life, and help them accomplish their dreams and goals.
I wanna make the world a happier place. I can't do that, so I'll accept at least making a community a happier place.

Thanks again

[basirovkhaled]

When you listen to this music you don't need to describe your

[snowy]

Something feels wrong when you cry without sad music... I had to listen to this to help me get out some tears because my dad died a few months ago

[snwclipsofficial]

It’s truly amazing how... how a piece of music. Just a small piece of music. Can send your brain into a million places. And how it can tell a million different stories.

[aliege]

Life asked Death, “Why do they love me, but hate you?”
And Death responded saying, “Because you are the beautiful lie, and I am the painful truth.”

[OutNAbout]

Wonderful and powerful music. I was here 4yrs ago in a very dark place and this helped me cry and sleep. I heard this the other day and that empathy of emotion poured out once again. I'm good now. God bless all of you and never give up.❤✌

[ronweasley]

They always say “you are not the only one that feels like this, there are people around that is suffering too” to make me feel better and less alone. But the thing is it makes me so much sadder that there are people out there that feels that way, or that are suffering like me and I can’t help them like i need somebody to help me too.

[Mohsen_abdullah]

What do i live for ?
What’s friends
What’s Love
What’s life
What’s happy
?

[azphen]

All the pain everyone has felt, hopefully this makes them realize they can show that emotion and not be judged by everyone, not be laughed at for being a "crybaby."
I've never cried at school before, since I always keep my emotions locked up. When I first heard this beautiful song I closed my eyes and cried throughout it all. I remembered all I had lost, all I wanted, and all I had.
This is one of the best pieces of music on this planet- it makes those who seem as if they have no emotion, show all of it in the matter of seconds.

[zelenacmarius]

Nothing hurts more when you’re crying at night without making a noise and losing your breath with those silent screams of hurt

[parker-fysf]

I feel pain. Mentally.. physically.. I feel it all. I've felt it all my life, and I know I'll feel it when I'm older.. It'll never go away.
I listen to this song and I think.. "Where did it all go wrong?"
"When did I make a mistake?"
"When will it go away?"
"When did I make a wrong turn?"
I sit there and think..
I sit there and... cry.
I'm 15... I shouldn't deserve this..
Or should I?
I've made mistakes..
I've messed up every day of my life
And what do I get for being human?

Anxiety
Trust Issues
Depression
Cutting
Crying Myself to Sleep.. Every.. Night
Lost Friends..
Lost Family..

I lost myself.. and I don't know what to do anymore...
I don't know where to go..
I don't know who to trust
I don't know who to talk to..
I don't know who to love..
Shit.. I don't even know anyone who loves me anymore..

Everything.. has turned me cold
It's like I have no heart
No soul
Nothing
I have nothing anymore

I'm dying mentally and...
It hurts.
Everything inside me.. shattered like sharp glass
Poking at all my emotions..
Making me lash out when I don't want to..

I put on a fake smile everyday
I force a laugh
I'm only ever really happy when I'm with my true friends.. in which I have 1.

My mom says I abuse her..
My dad says I abuse my mom..
Mom, dad, look in a mirror and look at the child you have created..

I'm ashamed of myself..
I'm disappointed in myself..
That I couldn't live up to expectations..

I still have dreams..
I still pursue at them..
But so far..
I've gotten nowhere...

I'm broken.

[Layton.James.]

When I listen to this music I feel released from stress because you guys feel the same pain as me and I'm not alone.

[Ladylute]

One day we will find peace
And I shall wait for that day with tear filled eyes
For the ones that are lost,
I love you.

[xstatus]

"The mirror is my best friend, becouse when i cry it never laughs"

Charlie chaplin.

[JMendezMusic]

Hace 3 años compuse esta pieza en un día de invierno. Subo este video para escucharla sin parar junto con un poco de lluvia de fondo. Espero les guste y por favor compártan el video, eso me ayudaría muchísimo!!! gracias :D

I composed this piece 3 years ago on a very cold winter day. Now I upload this video to listen to it with a subtle rain sound. I hope you like this!! And if you do, please share the video, thank you :D

[cheyannesantos]

What this person will never know is the beauty of his music has inspired me to buy a violin and begin teaching myself at home. Thank you

[Dartemize]

just cry untill you feel empty in your heart...



like me... 13th august 2020...

[sweet_lilly_arts]

Once I was told a story by a wise man:
There was a contest in which people were asked to paint a picture representing happiness.
One of them painted what he described was exactly like this bird in the picture. Heavy rain and a little bird still, standing strong.
He told us the lesson about happiness is not being happy when everything is going well but being strong and patient during difficult times.
Just one of my favorite stories our karate sensei used to tell us during our breaks.
Sometimes we have to be that little bird.