How to Connect with Women - Steve Pavlina about How to Truly Connect With Women

How to Connect with Women

This is something I've really given a lot of thought, this idea of creating a stronger connection with any individual. And I came to the conclusion that it's futile, it's pointless, it does not work. Simply by watching people try that and watching myself try that and having it completely generate the opposite result. And one of the reasons that generate the opposite result is that when you try to improve a connection with one specific individual whether it's a friend, a relative, a lover. What you're doing is you're creating it from a place of neediness. You're creating it from a place of attachment. You're basically saying that my relationship to life depends on my relationship to this person. And that is kind of a gimpy way of coming out it, it's a way of connecting that does not work because it just so riddled with fear. It so riddled with attachment. It's totally out of the line with abundance and it resonates very deeply with scarcity.

Instead of focusing on trying to improve your relationship with any individual which is basically trying to use force to transform it. If you could take a step back and say, "This individual simply part of my reality, its part of the simulated universe" and so my relationship with this person is subjected to my larger relationship with this entire reality. And as soon as you're trying to transform that relationship on an individual basis, work on transforming your relationship with the reality as a whole with all the relationship in your life. And pull back and develop a sense of abundance overall.

Even if I have a wife or a girlfriend, you know or both, I don't give myself permission to get attach to individual relationships because I see that that's put me on state of neediness and cleanliness and then I'm trying to get my needs met from that person. In other words I'm doing... I'm looking to the simulator to validate my feelings, instead of creating the feelings and allowing the simulator to catch up and match where I am. And so instead what I do is I create a feeling of abundance in terms of relationship in general. And I simply see the other person as a simulated entity in a way. Whether this relationship develops more closeness and deepening, I will welcome that or if it totally shifts away and we become more distant and I knew even better match comes up for me, I will welcome that as well.

And so, I simply allow myself to receive from anywhere and this not just about relationship, this is about finances and career development too. You get attach to, you know a certain relationship with your boss. You get attach to a certain form of income like your job and all you're doing is coming out at this real place of neediness and you're corrupting your relationship with life itself. And I found major transformations all across the board of my life, relationships, finances and so on. By, instead developing a sense of abundance with life itself and then just allowing it to bring me the goodness where ever it would show up. And so now I've seen this process play out so many times. I just hold myself in the space of knowing that I'm going to receive from the world what's a match for who I am on the inside. And I'm not particularly attached whether that shows up through my wife, through my girlfriend, through this particular person over here, through my mom. And when I do that, then what happens is a connection shows up, that's even better than what I would have possibly gone by transforming some individual level relationship.

In other words, if you work at that level, you're working just too low level. You're not seeing the forest through the trees, okay. You're killing the goose that lays the golden eggs, okay. You're saying, "This eggs, let's take all these eggs and push this goose to lay more eggs to lay more eggs" and you kill the goose, no more eggs after that. You're just working on problem at the wrong level, a level where it cannot be solved, okay. The reason these relationships are showing up in your life that aren't where you want them to be is because you're not ready to receive them. Okay, you're not ready to receive that through love and connection with the parental type of figure, whether it's your mom or anyone else.

[baisakhisaha]

abundance is one thing, and I understand the mindset which creates it; but there is something about a deep soul-level romantic intimate relationship with one person, that  can't be experienced with many... plus whn you keep thinking, if one goes away another better comes, you become frivolous & don't really develop the skills to connect at a deeper level with one person... You can sustain a meaningful connection with one partner without becoming needy or dependent, and the into-me-see you experience can be wayy more precious than what you experience with multiple connections! Of course that doesn't mean you can't have close friends!!

[JML]

Abundance comes from deep appreciation and gratitude

[AlbertLeng]

Thank you Steve. I rewatched this video after having an issue with my loved one. Steve said it so right that I can relate to the fact that when I feel I do not get my needs fulfilled through my loved one and I feel upset about it, it's so true that it comes from a place of neediness, attachment and scarcity.

I am feeling so much clearer, calmer and grounded after watching this video. Let me test out to focusing on transforming my relationship with the higher level and create a sense of abundance in my life and see how things go.

Thanks again, Steve! Simply awesome!

[srami]

I understand what he's saying in terms of neediness. But the underlying message is to be independent of the outcome.

[Byzantios]

I have been following Steve's work for some time now.  Interesting see how things have evolved for him.  His stuff is great.

[MortenHaugumHake]

yeah, right :) Steve Pavlina is the man. He wants to come back this year as well, so that's awesome!

[MortenHaugumHake]

Steve Pavlina on how to truly connect with women and other people! Check it out :)