5 Reasons Dating in Japan SUCKS as a Foreigner

Think dating in Japan is easy? Well even though it's Valentine's season, I'm still alone. Why? I hate to break it to you, but dating in Japan as a foreigner kind of sucks. In this video I'll tell you why.
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What the First Month in Japan is Actually Like
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[stefanhansen]

This was absolutely awesome. Fun, without being obnoxious, while also informative. Thanks.

[blume]

As a German woman, dating in Japan was no problem.
BUT, I can speak Japanese and i know the culture well. Thats important

[Pontos]

I am in Japan now for a few month and I basically agree with all you say. Great and funny video, keep it up... please...

[JoePetrakovich]

The age mistakes made me laugh. First girl I met I thought was in her 20s but she was 44 with 3 kids 😄 everyone looks so young.

[seankrug]

I lived in Japan for a total of 10 years. 2 years in Sapporo and the rest in the Tokyo-Yokohama area.
I would agree that learning at least survival Japanese well prior to arriving in Japanese will absolutely help one to make Japanese friends. Whether one gets lucky prior to being able to speak would depend a lot on how well your style fits in or whether you look exotic to the Japanese person. Most Japanese will either already have an interest in foreign people or they won't and it is easiest for a non-Japanese language speaker to focus on the ones who already speak some English. An important point that must be realized is most Japanese do not think they will have a chance to live overseas, so a reason why they are eager to speak English with foreigners but don't open up much is they think that you like thousands of other foreigners will return home to your home country and they will have invested too much time with you while not investing that time in their already established circle of friends whom they have known for years. They may need to speak good English for their job, they may feel freedom by having a foreign English speaking friend (Japanese are very judgmental about other Japanese, but they see another Japanese speaking in English and it impresses them, because English is not easy for them to learn), perhaps they lived in the U.S. or another English speaking country before and don't want to loose their skills or perhaps they just love watching foreign movies. I found that if you want to learn Japanese with such a person, its best to make an organized agreement, like "Lets speak in Japanese only for one hour then English for one hour" then it will feel fair. Once your Japanese language skills improve you can speak with them in Japanese. Japanese have a very thin wall for meeting new people, but a very hard shell for allowing a few people into their true personal lives. That times time and trust and many beers (In most cases). I would advise non-Japanese speaking foreigners who will only be in Japan for a few years or less, to immediately join a club of some sort, like a karate dojo or baseball club or ball room dance or surfing group or church (for the religious).... some kind of group activity in which you won't have to speak perfect Japanese, BUT you will immediately become a part of that group and make friends with the members. If you can make friends, they will invite you to drinking parties, and you might meet an attractive lady who is a friend of a member of your group. It is a way that I would recommend, and once your Japanese speaking/listening ability is strong enough, you can go drinking with some of them to find decent bars or izakaya in your area. From that point you can go out with whomever and while drinking speak in a happy loud voice in Japanese "うん、この料理が美味い！” or "それが美味しそう！” and if you happen to do anything silly or funny or make a mistake follow up with ”ごめんなさい、バカ外人です！” with a smile and 9 times out of 10 if you weren't insulting anyone they will laugh and want to know you better. Everyone can relate to food, but when other Japanese customers overhear you say such things loudly in an izakaya or bar or in some Japanese restaurants, (Don't be too loud in fancy restaurants) it is easy to attract & invite Japanese to come join your table. The worst thing is to be arrogant, be friendly, outgoing is fine, funny is great, but don't insult anyone except maybe yourself and Japanese will think you are the coolest foreigner they've ever met. At that point, meeting women that could go romantic becomes much easier. In Japan, everything is expected to happen in a proper place and time. Try to read people cause if they seem on the fence about an idea, it means "No!" They just don't want to upset you, and want to communicate it subtly. Also read body language, if a lady is shivering in the cold and you're her friend, let her wear your jacket. Finally go to the beach in the Summer, its one of the few places not super hot and humid, but also it is seen as a fun place and one can meet many Japanese who are there relaxing.

[tracybuchmann]

Yep, I can attest to almost everything you said. My advice would be to keep the japanese beauty standards in mind If you want to date in Japan. As a girl that has lived in japan for more than two years, lived together with japanese girls in a share house etc. I can tell you: they care a lot about firts impressions and how you present yourself. They dont like beards because they see it as untidy and most prefer man with contact lenses insted of glasses. I know this sounds superficial ....but if they dont like your first impression you will never get to talk to them. I had to adjust my clothing style a lot too. My japanese girlfriends woudnt even let me go out with certain clothes. (No showing shoulders or decolte as a women is just basic manners) I was even told my down jackets were grandma style. I wore them when I first met my current best friend and she later told me that her first thought was that it looked horrible on me and what a pitty it was that I could not style myself properly.
Of course if you speek good japanese things will be easier but "good style" is always a plus.

[elleglenn]

The concept of having that public persona and not showing their feelings is so interesting, and I can easily see how frustrating that is. If you are to travel to Russia some day, you will experience something quite different. If people don't like you, they will be rude to your face. If they like you, they will treat you like a best friend. And if they don't care, they won't give you a second glance. Such a different cultural approach: easier to navigate, but more emotionally demanding.

[JoeyLevenson]

Get offline, let people see you. Learn how to present yourself. I never had trouble meeting people when I was there. Just my perspective.

[SaintSavageProd]

I graduate from my institute in like 6 days and I plan on visiting Japan as a graduation celebration for me. I’ve wanted to visit the country since I was 12 and it’s not my mission to find love. I’m just going to experience the culture and enjoy the sights.

[KenDesigns]

I am half-Japanese and I know what you mean - when my father was 36, he looked like a teenager. When I was 40, I still had to show ID to buy tickets for rated-R movies. My (German) wife is the same age as me, and she was insulted every time this happened, because they didn't ask HER for ID.

However, my biggest issue with dating in Japan was related to something you didn't mention - the arranged marriage institution. Girls may even date in school, but to them it means nothing, because it's their family that in most cases will choose who they will marry. In addition, women have to marry early in life because Japan has an established maximum age woman would still be marriable. Used to be 26, so if she can't marry until them, it's all over.

Now, add to this that there is an unspoken social rule that women MUST have children in the first year of marriage, so life basically runs on a rail for both men and women in Japan. Everything that happens in every year of their lives is predetermined, and self-imposed by society.

Adding a foreigner into the equation is just too complicated, but some may see this as a golden opportunity to break from the norm and have something different, even if they know it will be short-lived, since their lives run on a rail of predetermined items from a checklist. That's where the "handbag boyfriend" you have mentioned comes in. So even if you accepted being a trophy boyfriend, even that will be short-lived and discarded once society rules kick in.

This is why most Anime shows turn around school life, because that's the only period in life where something new and exciting could possibly happen. But don't get me wrong - I am not criticizing. It is not my place to judge Japanese culture, and there were plenty of things I love about Japan - but just not enough for me to live there. I left when I was 17, and only returned once to visit family. It's all about what's important to YOU. :)

[sailormoontvstar]

great video!!! Well edited and informed. Subscribed to your channel 😁

[adamyang]

don't worry different asians have a hard time dating other asians too, it all depends on the person, not race. But super traditional folks tend to stick to their own.

[loogloogloogr]

You just crushed my dreams man but thanks for being honest and preaching the truth

[_MRK]

Obviously. Idk what do you expect without being fluent. Talking is kinda important when it comes to dating.

[Hirvi]

Thank you for your candid video! The conclusion is: go to Japan to work or to enjoy their great culture. As for dating? take the next flight to Thailand.

[AYUQ]

I discovered your videos today. And oh lord you are helpful af.. thanks man i appreciate your help you gained a subscriber

[albertmatthewcuevas]

i feel you man..the lost in translation part.. i thought my japanese was good because im using it on my work..but when it comes to trying to understand her long stories, somehow words are becoming gibberish..now im already in the friend zone

[Kouki_clay]

Definitely was taken aback when I first tried the dating scene in Japan and I can say all you things you said were true. Even I find it hard to date Japanese women and I’m Asian. It’s definitely the culture to have them ghost you unless you’re rich.

[Auioi]

As a foreigner in japan, i totally agree on 2 personalities part

[DenshaOtoko]

My experience in dating in Japan vs my home country is complete opposites. I was in the friendzone in my home country and the most popular person in school in Japan.