You Know You're Dating a Japanese Man When...

Work, work, work... What to know before you date that Japanese man.

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Dating Beyond Borders is a Youtube channel that focuses on highlighting the cultural differences that come into play while dating people from other countries. Videos out every Thursday - hit the bell button to receive notifications!

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Crew:
Andrew James

Actors:

Music:
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Filmed in:
Toronto, Canada

[PatilRoupelian]

I think at first I'd think his shyness very cute but if I have to work extra hard for any affection will turn me off very fast

[evertulip]

I've been living in Japan for 5 months now. All of this is too painfully true lol

[Napoleon]

How to date an Antarctican Penguin scientist.

[lalalabizola]

I can just picture him in all situations with that drop of sweat over his head, just like in animes.

[eudorasynn]

So dating a japanese man is like dating with Sheldon? xD

[tao]

I'm 1/2 Japanese and as a female, I can REALLY relate to the Japanese guy. I'm not a fan of when guys take things too fast, or try to be too sexual.I hate PDA. I would like to text someone for at least a week before going to meet up with them, just to get to know them first. Kissing shouldn't happen until at least the 4th or 5th date. I live in America and I'm afraid I'll never find a guy because every guy here tries to get with you on the first date or is really touchy and it takes me a while to get used to people. It gives off a fuckboy vibe. I was raised to be more conservative when dating and I think I'll remain that way.

[vanessacontreras]

No wonder the population is in decline!

[ThatJapaneseManYuta]

Awee un japonés con una mexicana :D Me gusta! I'm not like that guy at all, though :)

[xiaorishu]

I laughed so hard when he kept patting her head lmao

[msct]

My boyfriend is a Japanese and he's not like that. He's the coolest man I've ever met! And he always make time for me.

[LydiaALau]

I choked when he started catching pokemons 😂

[denable]

Didn't know I was Japanese inside

[AeomonWolf]

I think there are a couple misunderstandings being generated just because the video doesn't provide a very thorough explanation of the culture.
In Japan, the culture of affection and dating is very discreet. Public affection is not very common, and relationships are often kept more private than not (people don't really talk about who they're dating and stuff). The society is very selflessness-based, which is why work and public responsibilities are prioritized over personal romance. 'Lovey-dovey' characteristics like pet names ("honey", "dear", "sweetheart") are not used in Japan (there isn't really a Japanese equivalent to such pet names), so in anglophonic/interracial relationships, affectionate speech can come across as awkward.
Another thing is that the phrase "I love you" in English is often used quite openly (people say it to friends, family, significant others, pets, et al.), but in Japanese, it is not used nearly as freely. They will usually use an equivalent of "I like you" to mean the same thing. The direct translation of "I love you" ("aishiteru") is reserved for very serious relationships (ex. married couples) and situations (ex. funeral). This cultural/linguistic difference is another factor that contributes to Japanese seeming less affectionate than other people.
They themselves don't always realize that they appear uninterested/unaffectionate because it's all relative. To them, it is normal, but to foreigners, it can be off-putting. Culturally, the Japanese put less value on physical affection in relationships, and more value on the mental/emotional components, so affection is expressed more subtly.

[cressidatroylus]

I dated two Japanese guys and yes they were not very romantic but were the kindest, most considerate people I've ever met. Then I dated a salvadorian man who was totally romantic at first but then turned into an asshole. At the end of the day I prefer the Japanese. They were much less drama. You learn to "read" them after awhile and then things are ok. They are really kind people who don't want to offend others or lose face themselves. That's why they seem really hesitant.

[kabukiwookie]

"Be more proactive, or get him drunk" I genuinely laughed at this. It explains why all my past G/F's when I was young always fed me drinks when we first met haha.

[viajer]

it is like dating a tamagotchi...you can get to love it but it is a cold soulless thing...

[suzycanfly]

I dated a Japanese man, and he was exactly like this. (: He worked a lot of hours, and he told me not to spend my money..(yes, my money not his) am Colombian American and I was not use to this . I wanted a piece of gum, but he told me to "save your money". I should have listened to him, anyway. . He was a strikingly smart man behind his sort of "immature or shy demeanor". And he had a beautiful way of seeing the world. In which he communicated it through his eyes. I remember the moments I spent with him, and the quiet moments felt like fairy tales coming into life . I'm sure that's part of Asian culture as well. If him and I BOTH didn't have a Hot head. I'm sure I would be married to him today. And this essay wouldn't be so superficial, alas.

[ngisan]

"It can take a whole lot of texting before anything moves forward."

This is so true! I'm a Japanese man and I don't understand why people focus on texting instead of meeting and talking face to face. They think texting is the most important key to become closer but for me texting is much harder lol

[jojochara]

I’ve had an experience with a Japanese man, and he was uncommonly forward. He was very much into pda, (This was also while I was in Japan).So, I’d say it depends on the man, but most are very shy. But every now and then you’ll find one that goes all out!

[tasharice]

I love her facial expressions. Especially when the guy first gives her the odd and confusing compliment about her sexy dress lol. Best part of the video.