An unhinged rant on 'wHaT's YoUr ExCuSe??'

Why do I hate this so much? 😂

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[shelbysmith]

I think the frustration I have with these phrases is (besides all the points you pointed out) they rely on ranking our struggles and difficulties, and if one of those obstacles is considered "lesser" then the pain and setbacks it causes are not considered valid.

[kierstenburtz]

The part that gets me most about these things is it completely ignores and diminishes invisible disabilities. Like just because you look at someone and don't "see anything wrong with them" doesn't mean they aren't struggling in ways you don't see and this makes people with invisible disabilities feel less worthy of help or obligated to disclose their disability in order to be taken seriously which is horrible.

[alliem]

It always gives me the impression of "if a disabled person can do it, how difficult can it be?".

[ula]

I'm not disabled but, this phrase practically compares people, and it's as infuriating as any phrase can be. It basically tells me I'm not good enough

[nookmyles]

"If I can do it, what's your excuse?" I'm not you! I'm! Not! You!!
I can do a lot of things despite being disabled, but there's some things that I just cannot do no matter how hard I try. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean I can, because I'm not you!

[Zazabazaa]

The reason why it's so frustrating is because it's unempathetic. Not necessarily in a purposeful way, but it still gives you that feeling that they aren't really understanding you, they just believe that you should be able to be them.

[deanwinchesterinthedarktower]

I think it's annoying because it not only invalidates the physical disability of it but also the mental blocks that can happen. I have physical limitations, but my brain pushes me.
Back when I was younger, I had mental limitations, but my body was capable. Sometimes our bodies aren't working with our mind.
As just one example for why.

[cindybrownbair]

This phrase minimizes everyone else's issues.

[redgreen]

It’s basically just a roundabout way of saying “if I were you I wouldn’t be struggling with what you’re struggling with” which is essentially just another way of saying “I have it harder than you do”

[EmeraldEire]

My dyslexic, when I was in highschool I had an English teacher that would use me as a "If she can do it you can too." because I love reading and writing. She would try to gilt the kids in the class that weren't good in English. I felt so bad that I talked to them all separately and apologized for teacher.

[Carrieliney]

Just because “you” can do it doesn’t mean other people can. Also, I don’t need an excuse for not being able to do something. “I can’t.” Is a complete sentence and deserves respect

[tashaburnham]

I was in a kid therapy program as a kid. You were not allowed to say they made me mad. The response was always something like "they can't make you mad you make yourself mad. " even if it was a legitimate reason to be mad. Basketball to the face that almost broke your nose. Sister steals your BF. doesn't matter you weren't allowed to feel mad about it. It felt very much like victim shaming. I was 12 that fraze, and several like it taught me to hide and not show emotion because they were unexectable. I was not there for anger issues.

[nilocmirror]

I hate those phrases for so many reasons. I think why it is hard to figure out a why is because there are countless whys. On one hand it invalidates other struggles. It also assumes all struggles are the same. It tends to come from very lucky people with a lot of support to help them through. It implies there is some inherent virtue in pain and struggle, it's ok not to do the thing. The "what's your excuse" part of the phrase implies that any reason one could give for being unable to accomplish the same is an invalid excuse. Some times people really can't. Not all difficulties can be overcome as this phrase implies everyone who can't just has a lack of character.

[chrysanthemumspark]

It also causes people to compare their worst moments to other people's best moments.

[daniellepurcell]

I hate that phrase in general. I am not anybody else. People are not the same. Disabled or not, people are like "well I did this thing with my own personal, completely different limitations or feelings about it. If you just try harder, you can do it, too." That's not how it works.

[TheLeannansidhe]

Definitely agree with you! Those phrases really just lump everyone into one big pot with no regard for personality, circumstances, past and present experiences etc. I definitely don't like statements that assume everyone is exactly the same heh

[saraquill]

This line of thinking was used as an excuse to deny me disability accommodations. School thought verbal abuse was all I needed to thrive as a student. I got C-PTSD instead.

[rickrodrick]

I just came across this for the first time today. I think you hit the nail right on the head with all of your explanations. I'm a Communication professor. One of the things that I teach to my students is to understand that communication "does things." Most people primarily (or only) think about communication in terms of passing on information. My approach to communication leads to what you are doing. Start by understanding what the language is actually DOING. You are identifying the most important thing about what these phrases DO. Most of the time most people only get to the level of feeling something doesn't add up. Even though you are demonstrating excellent analysis of the communication here (you'd get an A for the day in my class) you still qualify what you are pointing out as inappropriate. I would use this Reel as a great example in my class in a minute!!

[christianavance]

I appreciate this rant because saying a phrase like that doesn't acknowledge that not all disability is visual. And we never know another person's story or restrictions.

[cassieorosz]

I think my main issue with this phrase is it diminishes invisible illnesses. I have a condition where my joints dislocate multiple times a day. But because I don’t look like I have anything wrong with me, people like to assume I’m lazy when I choose to not participate in activities that cause me injury.