unBroken (Randall Standrige, Wind Ensemble, Grade 5)

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During my childhood, my mother suffered a complete nervous breakdown and psychotic break with reality.

Before this happened, there were many warning signs that she was experiencing mental health issues. There were moments when she would cry for no discernable reason, when her mood and character would change in an instant, and moments when she would seem withdrawn from everyone. However, these were infrequent and, as so, we all assumed that she was fine. She was not fine.

Unknown to us, and even to herself, our mother was battling depression. Growing up in the time period when they did, both of our parents had been conditioned to see mental health problems as sources of shame, signs of weakness, and a failing of character. Due to this, they did not seek help even though they both knew something was wrong. The pressure built, the problems multiplied, and finally, one day, it all became too much for her to bear. My mother’s breakdown was so severe that she was hospitalized for over a year. It was a terrifying ordeal as my two brothers, my father, and I watched her battle this crippling illness. However, there are two things that I will never forget from that time. First, I remember my mother’s strength in fighting her way back to us. And second, I remember my father’s unwavering faith and fidelity to her as he stood by her side, kept the household together, and cared for both her and us as best he could.

Their bond did not break.

Our family did not break.

After this experience, the taboo of discussing mental health was removed from our household. My mother was diagnosed with severe depression and, upon returning home, started proper treatment for her condition. Any time she would begin to experience the onset of a particularly bad episode, she sought the help she needed and managed to prevent another such breakdown. As with anyone who lives with depression, she has good days and bad days, but the fear of identifying as a person with a mental health issue and the stigma surrounding it has been lifted. My father is still by her side, supporting her in any way she needs, just as he always has during their 50+ years of marriage.

The title of this work, unBroken, is in reference to three things. First, is a description of my mother, who has learned to manage her illness and thrive in spite of it. Second, it is a reference to our family, and how both my father and mother worked to ensure that it remained whole. My parents are my heroes, and I am not shy about saying it. Their strength and this experience has also made me completely unafraid to utter the following statement:

My name is Randall Standridge, and I live with depression.

Third, many people throughout the world experience mental illness. Too many are afraid of what others will think and what may happen to their relationships, their jobs, and their families if they seek help. They are afraid that they will be seen as “weak”, “defective”, or “broken.” It is my hope that this work may provide a starting place for productive discussions and be another tool that will help knock down the social barriers that prevent those that need help from seeking it. This piece of music is dedicated to my parents, Ron and Shirley Standridge, and to all of the people and families who live with the challenges of mental illness.

Lastly, to those who may be experiencing similar problems, please know this:

You are not weak.

You are not defective.

You are not broken.

Peace, Love, and Music

-Randall Standridge, April 30, 2021

Please check out the other works in the unBroken Project:

[gugg]

For those that havent, PLEASE take your time to read the description of this. It truly encapsulates the impact and correlation this piece has to mental struggles. It's beautiful yet tragic.

[c]

I've never heard a more accurate representation of the journey of mental illness than this piece! Thank you for telling your family's story through this beautiful work!

[e-oe]

My high school wind ensemble played this song as a tribute to a fellow band student who passed away from suicide. It broke everyone a little bit, even if they didn't know them very well. My band director found this piece for us to play at the end of our spring concert along with one of your other pieces, Choose Joy. I cry every time I listen to this piece, either from my own emotion, or from just how beautiful it is. I can't say enough good things about this piece, thank you for writing it.

[anishraja]

Mr Standridge, I don't think I've been moved more by a SINGLE PIECE OF MUSIC more than unBroken. Simply brilliant.

[paddingtonjohnston]

i was watching the MSBOA All-State band play this today and I actually started crying halfway through. Mr. Standridge was conducting and beforehand, he told the story about his mother and her journey with battling her mental health, and then he began describing his own. I felt as though I could understand them through the music.

[kari_wuz_here]

nearly 15 minutes of an emotional journey, as someone who has yet to come to a grade 5 level of playing or even finding a concert band as big as such, i wish to play it.
this piece is beautiful and i almost cried to it, it tells the mental struggles without using a word, which makes it phenomenal. thank you for telling this story of yours through the power of music, along with producing the music my entire concert/wind band loves, there's just so much to say about this piece that i wish to fit in this comment, but again, this is beautiful, tragic, and emotional, all encapsulated into one piece, and i love it.

[ljhlax]

My daughter’s middle school band played (not) alone last night and it literally brought tears to my eyes. I’ve battled depression my entire adult life and unfortunately my middle schooler started her battle this year and it was a very rough year for the both of us, but here we are at the end of the school year, both alive, healthy and able to hug each other after her performance. I’m so glad that she has had band as a creative outlet for such beautiful expression. No song better encompasses the journey through a mental health challenge. Randall Standridge, thank you for this beautiful music.

[kstz.]

Mr.Standrige, I am unsure if you would see this comment, as this video is 2 (probably close to 3) years old, but I just wanted to say that this collection, or more specifically this piece, has changed both me as a person and as a band student. I may not be playing this piece specifically, but I am playing “(not) Alone”, but all of the pieces have a very unique feel to them in their own ways. It helped me realize how to play and listen for certain emotions while performing, and how to express myself overall. I also have my own mental problems, and your music helps me understand what it feels like for others. You inspire me to write my own music and help create a marching show to help others understand how it feels to have their own thoughts and mental health complications, so please understand you are a huge part in my music career! I am sure that I will continue to listen to your pieces in the future, and come back here to this one for when I feel lost.

[milesclarke]

My school’s band played this and I cried because I have never heard something that… so accurately encapsulates the highs and the lows of having mental illness or dealing with someone who has mental illness. Some parts gave me chills, and it just… is literal perfection there is no other word to describe it. I could listen to the percussion and the low brass all day and all night and the feeling… the EMOTION… the images (I have synesthesia) and the tingles I would get inside my brain would never subside. It is… it truly is perfection.

[falconheavy]

Mr. Standridge, Randall, or whatever I may call you.
I have been inspired mostly by your pieces to start writing my own music. I have taken a lot of my inspiration from the Darklands Symphony and now the unBroken project. My first song entitled Rebuild was inspired by Fragile. Then, my third was inspired by Darklands March. I have since made several more works inspired by this song, Blue Sky Horizons, Darklands Legends part 2, and most recently, Stay. I hope to revisit the song inspired by this one, and make a new, better version.
All sincerity,
An 8th grade band student.

[ethanol]

Thank you so much, Randall. Youve opened my eyes and showed me that no matter what, I am not alone, and I have people on my side. Nothing is more accurate than what Im going through than this right now. I wish to perform this, right now my Concert Band can perform your other great piece (not)Alone.

Thank you, Randall.

[deanspercussion]

I'm gonna cry if I listen to another second of this song
Halfway through, and I'm sobbing 😢
Thank you ❤

[Bear]

I played this with the MSBOA high school all state band with Randall Standridge conducting, what a great song! I absolutely LOVE his music. So happy I got to work with such a great person! 🎵

[SiesVE]

My little brother's high school band got the opportunity to play with Weber State University's band. We got to hear Weber State play this piece and it was beautiful. My brother has fallen in love with it and is now wanting to try and play the piece. I think it really resonated with him because he has some issues with anxiety and he really connected to the way the piece flowed.

[trumpetchick]

I wish my mum and her mum were still alive so I could share this piece of music, and the life story behind it. My mum and gran both had mental health issues, and dealt with them differently due to the difference of generation, but also my mum seeing how her mum's behaviour impacted on those around her. My mum was open about mental health - we visited nan in hospital, mum explained it was likely I'd have mental health issues, which I do, but not as severely. Music is a great outlet (dancing, playing and conducting) for me, but it is also a great mood supporter.
Thank you for being such an open, honest and humane composer - the world needs more artists who are willing to bring the "dark" topics into the light.
The world also needs more bands brave enough to take on these works and start these conversations in their schools and local communities.

[Jorja-cc]

im in 7th grade and im playing this, we have practiced this for months now and literally like an hour ago i played this infront lmof many people, it was scary but i made it through the whole concert

[KatelynFlores-nj]

I love this peace cause symphonic band is playing it and its gorgeous cause i love how euphnoms play it and how the french horns and flutes play they sound wonderful.
Im from winds 2

[mr.mstricksandtipsinmathpi]

my school is going to play this at the opener next school year and I am so excited this is going to be a great piece to try to play technically and musically

[ethansucksatcuphead]

sending this to my band director to see if we can play this someday. we've already played rukus (which as a percussionist was fun as hell) and are playing choose joy at our next concert. it'd be amazing to do this piece. absolute chills

[PurifiedWaterB]

This honestly makes me proud to be a horn player. Enjoyed this piece so much. We played trills, amazing features, and awesome triplets.