3 Relationship Blind Spots - Childhood Trauma

Childhood Trauma & Dating Video:

What it means to be triggered:

Couples Therapy Role Play:

In this video we cover: blind spots, projection, triangulation, role-plays, role-play, rp, roleplay, therapy, healing, self-healing, journaling ,toxic relationships, triggers, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, assertion, mind reading, moods, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, NPD, BPD, dysfunctional family

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:13 Connect With Me
3:09 Three Relationship Blind Spots...
3:51 TRBS - #1 Not Seeing Toxicity in Others
4:40 TRBS - #1 Not Seeing Toxicity in Others - What this Looks Like
7:03 TRBS - #1 Not Seeing Toxicity in Others - Why it's Not Good For You
10:03 TRBS - #1 Not Seeing Toxicity in Others - Why You Struggle With It
11:16 TRBS - #1 Not Seeing Toxicity in Others - How to Work on It
15:56 TRBS - #2 Being Too Hard or Not Hard Enough - What this Looks Like
22:42 TRBS - #2 Being Too Hard or Not Hard Enough - Why it's Not Good For You
24:04 TRBS - #2 Being Too Hard or Not Hard Enough - Why You Struggle With It
25:30 TRBS - #2 Being Too Hard or Not Hard Enough - How to Work on It
27:44 TRBS - #3 Not Seeing that Others Are Triggered Too
28:10 TRBS - #3 Not Seeing that Others Are Triggered Too - What this Looks Like
30:40 TRBS - #3 Not Seeing that Others Are Triggered Too - Why it's Not Good For You
31:12 TRBS - #3 Not Seeing that Others Are Triggered Too - Why You Struggle With It
33:21 TRBS - #3 Not Seeing that Others Are Triggered Too - How to Work on It
38:51 Final Thoughts
39:09 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

Time lapse is from my vacation in Acadia Nat Park - Schoodic Pennisula

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[lisabeaumont]

“Shame tells us that we are bad for not tolerating difficult people better” - wow, that hit home. Still watching...

[drezdogge]

In my 30s I was at dinner with my cousin and she blurted out completely out of the blue "I'm sorry your dad was always mean to you, he was always nice to all the other kids but he acted like he hated you". It was a weird feeling of being validated.

[CitizenPlane]

My sister once had a coworker tell her that she should train other people how to stay calm under pressure, because nothing phases her. She responded, "I don't think it would be ethical for me to train other people to be this way."

[catliciousoz]

I always say to my brother, "it's because we raised ourselves while wrangling monsters" when people say how we handle awful people so well, the thing we don't talk about is the complete self abandonment that goes along with that

[pvtpaink]

"#1 Not seeing Toxicity" is touched on in Bojack Horseman, 2x10.
"I guess when you're wearing rose colored glasses, all the Red Flags just look like flags."

[rosamundg.]

"Giving up on the potential of somebody" - wow - that is HUGE! It took me a lifetime. Well said, Patrick. Thanks for your excellent work.

[cyndimoring]

wow, "using optimism as a spiritual bypass to avoid painful feelings" & "being triggered out of their minds". What a perspective and so true.!

[peacelove]

The toxic person will sometimes say “it’s so great that you only see the good in people”
I never realized that while that is a positive attribute it’s also not really helpful in relationships. When I look back it was horrible to not catch red flags and feel important enough to address them. I think the shock is when I would end up finding out they are cheating and I missed all the signs that should have been painfully obvious. It goes back to that lack of confidence in my perception from the constant gas lighting growing up.

[DrJustininJapan]

Wow, SO PROFOUND!! Guiding your clients to "lessen their tolerance for toxicity" at first seems counterintuitive. Like it seems that having a high tolerance shows great maturity and life experience to be able to bear stressful situations. But having hardness from life's situations as a means of survival/protection can also have negative long-term side affects such as numbness of emotions/feelings and complications with other future relationships. Patrick, sharing your experiences with us from your practice is incredibly meaningful. THANK YOU!!

[ourtravelingzoo]

As abused people we kinda have to deny the flags we couldn’t escape. Now seeing them is scary. Am I too sensitive? I’m learning to trust my own thoughts and feelings and acting accordingly.

[scottherr]

Wow is all I can say. Met a lot of counselors in my pursuit of healing but I must say this man is one of two in 40 plus years who is absolutely what others in their craft should aspire to become. I subscribed within the first 5 minutes. Thank you Patriick you are a treasure.

[dawnvickerstaff]

My mother, a narcissist, said when I told her about the abuse I suffered from my stepfather 'I wondered why he was so mean to you.' A flash of insight gone in a micro-second. Strangely validating and also horrific because why wouldn't a mother support and defend her daughter in an obviously abusive situation? Because she was a narcissist and could dismiss what was happening to me as something that didn't affect her and was therefore not important.

[juliebraden]

I can fawn, usually once in a friendship/relationship boundaries get blurred ("but what if I'm wrong" second guessing syndrome). I'm more hard/aggressive with strangers/business. The "taking the first person who will have me" (at 15 yrs old)...so spot on. Oh I get it now. When raised with raging, bullying parents, it's like you're drowning and u grasp for the closest floating object. Little do we know we just jumped from the frying pan into the fire. 🥺 Wiser now.

[sues.]

Once you finally start to "see" these blind-spots and then recount an experience to a friend or therapist <proud of your growth>, it is when THEY start to second guess you by saying things like "I'm sure they didn't mean it that way, " or "Don't you think you're reading too much into this?" And I think to myself "No, actually, I'm not. I can finally see X for what it is." It's difficult though, because as soon as you stop second guessing yourself, others start. It takes an even stronger conviction than for most. And then of course there's some shame that goes along with someone second guessing you as sort of the proverbial "cherry on top." Would love a video on this please! Nodding my head the whole way through this video.Thank you!

[ccharles]

I now see why I “ghost” some people in my life. With them I was in a constant triggered state. I couldn’t take it anymore. Unfortunately I didn’t verbalize to them before or after I “ghosted” them. I just bolted and felt a weird combo of relief and guilt….

[VirginiaCarmichael]

"Sometimes humans are super shady and you miss it ". That made me laugh! Awesome video, thank you.

[rani]

Dear Patrick, it's been a just over 2 years ago cut off the toxic family members a parent and a sibling. What made me do this for me is they used and abused me .I was the Family slave.I would be punished if I didn't do as ordered. I did have a childhood. Now at 70years I am having a true fulfilled life it's getting better listening to you. ❤🙏

[aitzi]

"Our childhoods are usually very lonely experiences and no one is real about what's going on and therefore we are second guessing reality all the time".
You feel numb, trying to catch something that you barely can see or understand, while everyone ignores you, laughs at you or dismiss you, calling you crazy. If you insist, they can even yell at you. You feel confused, hurt, anxious.... Finally numb. They blame you and you believe them. You tell yourself a story to make them look good. Your try to "save them", justify them... While you shut down yourself, cut your voice until you feel guilty of using it. "I have to be good. That will make everything better. I have to find the key, why everything is like that and help everybody. I have to be understanding. I have to be nice."
Everything was so messed up.
I can see now how this "being good" was simply repression in a hurtful unloving environment. Survival.
It hurts. It is still hurting.
I want to yell so badly.

[lovearttherapyalways]

In my home the guys were allowed to get violently angry while the girls were not allowed to dis[play feelings, especially anger and were shame based for it. My mother preferred her boys and I really saw that later in life. Disgusting!

[MyJewishMommyLife]

I find myself drawn to people who need A LOT from me and I’ve started noticing this pattern of “enjoying” this codependency.