4 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Parent Effectively

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The first way is to create an emotional space by becoming aware of what is happening in reality. The second way is all about breaking the weaponry they use. Third way explains the importance of becoming independent in all ways to take your power back and the final way is all about the selective response or conditioning them to behave appropriately.

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[monicarai]

I was a golden child. The moment I grew up and started having my own world view and identity, I became "the black sheep"

[b.s.]

How can someone so young understand this problem so well? Very good on you. It took me 40 years.

[lunagregoria]

Here’s a quick summary for survival while you’re trapped:

1. If they are being nice or love bombing it’s okay to be glad just try not to accept any gifts from them that you can’t give back like food, co-signer signatures, or favors for rides. (They believe everything you are or have belongs to them, even more so if it came from them.)
2. If they are being rude, mean, talking nice but saying terrible things to you, then don’t react at all. Use the grey rock method. (They believe that they are always right, so you can’t show a difference in opinion. Even your thoughts and emotions belong to them.)
3. Keep yourself looking clean and groomed, keep your body language, voice, and facial expressions neutral, do your chores quickly and stay productive at home and at work/school, if they ask you to complete a task that you can accomplish then do it without any emotional expression, until you make a safe exit. If they say something that isn’t true, leave it in your thoughts. (They can be triggered by anything so you’ll have to exercise self control and keep your emotions hidden from their sight. Save your tears for your bathroom breaks and pillows at night.)
4. As soon as possible, gather your important belongings and leave them quietly and in secret. (Don’t go back for things you can rebuy or retrieve from an organization. You can leave a letter about why you left, but don’t tell them where you are going. Block them and stay busy so that you aren’t tempted to repair their broken view of you.)

[kateallore]

I know this is a really old video but I just found it and I feel like it’s going to save my life

[iraqiimmigrant]

You have no idea how evil a narc parent can be. My father specifically targeted me and divided my brother and I, my mother and I. He did a phenomenal job at dividing the family and pitting us all against one another. When I was a teenager I stood up for myself for the first time in my life. He then turned his rage to my mother. One day I came home there was a note on my brother’s bed. My mom and brother left. Now I was alone with my father. I’d be lying if I said I left too, I was too scared, but looking back I regret not running away because it was insane to stay with him, even though his rage mellowed out his secrets and drama and chaos never ended.

[wenkeadam]

My mother was a perfect covert narcissist. Everybody said that she was such a wonderful, kind person, and that I was very lucky to have a mother like that. But from an early age, maybe 5 or 6, I got the strong feeling that some of the things she did were not good for me. They might look nice and loving, but inside I felt it as humiliating or simply bad. Without understanding why. And until the age of 47 I was convinced that I had been a bad daughter who always made my mother suffer.

Example: Age 7. I came home from school sad because of something that had happened there. She noticed my mood and wanted to cheer me up with some nice food. So she asked me what I wanted to eat. And here starts the drama that repeated itself again and again all my childhood. My confort food was a slice of bread with butter and a sprinkle of sugar. That was not her idea of confort food. So she would look at me with disgust and say "bread and butter? Are you sure you want that? Look, I have some nice cheese, won't you prefer that?"
No, mummy, I just want some bread and butter.
But I also have some delicious chicken, you love chicken, can I get you some?
No, mom, I only want some bread and butter and a sprinkle of sugar.

Rinse and repeat until she had listed everything in the kitchen...

And I continued to state that I just wanted a slice of bread with butter and sugar.

I remember thinking that this couldn't be that hard, I mean, I was not asking for something fancy or expensive or difficult to prepare, just an ordinary piece of bread with butter and sugar...

Finally my mother would just look at me and say "Hmpf! What a strange kid you are! OK, have it your way, I will go make you the slice of bread with butter... "

And she would come back from the kitchen with a large tray of various sandwiches, cheese, chicken on toast, avocado and mayo, etc etc... and my simple slice of bread and butter in the middle. And because I was really hungry by then and everything looked delicious, I would eat it all in silence, strangely feeling no confort at all, but feeling vaguely defeated without understanding why.

Fast forward, I left home at 17 and tried to keep a healthy distance of an ocean and two continents between us. We rarely met, but I hadn't yet understood what was wrong with our relationship. Nobody told me about narcissistic mothers.

I only managed to break that spell at the age of 47, when I fell into a deep depression and finally got some good therapy to start sorting things out.

Then I went to see my mother who lived some 5 hours away at that time, and the childhood "dance" repeated again. Only this time I was prepared.

Hi, welcome! So nice to see you again. Come, come sit down, what would you like to drink?
Oh, mom, you know, after 5 hours on that train I am just dying for a cup of coffee!
Coffee? Are you sure? Wouldn't you prefer a nice cup of tea?
No, mommy, just a cup of coffee is fine.
But I have some nice fresh juice in the fridge... Or a cola... Or some wine... Are you sure you don't want a glass of beer?
No, thanks mom, a coffee is just fine.
Hmpf! What a strange kid you are.. Ok, I'll go make some coffee if that's you really want...

Mom, please tell me, I'm wondering... Why do you always ask me what I want and then you seem to doubt my words, and start offering me all sorts of other things, and at the end you say that I am a strange kid?
My mother kept silent for a few moments and finally she said "well, you haven't been here for some time and you don't know what I have in house, so I just wanted you to know what the available options are!"
OK, mom, that sounds reasonable. Next time you ask me what I would like, I will ask you "what have you got?"

It worked. The spell was broken.

I still had dozens of childhood and adolescence trauma-knots to unravel, but I had at least found the key to the way through the labyrinth...

[mifnp]

My mother is a malignant narcissist. I am now 55 and still reeling from trauma from this toxic relationship. I have been super low contact for overly 15 years. Two weeks ago she was back to her old tricks again. This time I refused to respond, AT ALL.
#ByeFelicia

[ladennayoung]

Yes. It is VERY challenging. Because I am my mothers only child and she is always trying to use me as narcissistic supply. Even in this current situation that she is going through. I am NOT trying to be rude or heartless but I think she is saying and doing the things that she is doing as a way of trying to cut and weigh me down.

[danasilaharisree]

I have parents who do emotional blackmail for everything and always stop talking to me whenever i counter them to take stand for me.

[vedinvalentinapo]

I really appreciate this video. Been losing myself lately and getting triangulated to see other family by my two narcissistic parents who rly did a number on me

[Spacevalentine]

i’ve recently realised that my dad is a narcissist and it’s a difficult thing to come to terms with. there are a million and one things i could say but he treats everyone like crap, blows up if you even slightly question or criticise him no matter how deserved and so keeps everyone from saying anything he doesn’t want to hear out of fear. he then thinks the world and everyone around him owes him a living. he wants everyone to take care of him despite him never taking care of anyone else. he has absolutely no self awareness: the hypocrisy he demonstrates in his behaviour is so glaringly obvious that nobody other than a raging narcissist could ignore it. it is really upsetting coming to terms with this as i have always been close with him but i do feel sometimes that he really does only see me as an object to use for his own gain and not actually care about me as a person. when my parents divorced is when this side came to the forefront with him pushing everyone away by being poisonous and selfish then acting as if we are all abandoning him and victimising him. it’s so tiring

[Natsariyth]

Are you kidding!! For me it started when I was 5-6 yrs old. My mother would hide in the house and watch me cry with fear looking for her, and then she would suddenly pop out from behind a door, and laugh at me. I was so angry, and would ask her “why did you do that?” Her response was, “to see what you would do” Wow! I can go on and on…. I’m a full grown adult with 2 grown children and she still does mean things to me. The more I distance myself, the worse the abuse becomes.

[maureenw]

My mom triangulated me from my siblings and then acts like she is the only one there for me. It's sick

[FeralRanchWife]

🎯 When I moved out at 18, my narc parents STOLE my horse (yes, he was 💯 MY horse that I paid for myself with money I’d saved) and held him hostage at their place, limited my access to him only to when they were there (so they could see me/still have control), AND still made me buy feed/keep his hooves trimmed etc, EVEN THOUGH THEY were holding him hostage. Where I moved, I had the pasture, the feed, a good job to pay for it all and friends to ride with. They did this for 2 years. I never gave up on my horse, and I finally got him back, only after I agreed to let my parents visit me at my new place (their bargain- it’s always like a deal with the devil). WTAF do I still talk to these (Almost 20 yrs later)…. the trauma runs DEEP and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy!

One example out of many.

[hauntedfallsparanormal]

I'm 40, and just now came to the ahah moment both my parents are Narcissists!! I've been living with them since my divorce from a Narcissistic husband...

[nickgironda]

How about “it’s my way or the highway”? Nice way to raise a child.

[kelvinjames]

Boundaries don't tell them anything important
Or
No contact

[elizabethdarley]

I was raised by 3 narcissists- 2 parents and 1 older brother. No other members are in my family. Just 4 of us. I was the scapegoat all my life and they still won't let me go. They suck me in and bully me. They plan events and leave me alone in a room with one of them so they can take it in turns to bully me.

[UW-pzgq]

everything you said is on point! they literally used the exact same words to brainwash me. ifeel less like a human, theyve told me countless time that im stupid and its affecting my grades, my self esteem, an my life. they have isolated from my peers since i turned 12! i hope i able to escape them because i feel like dying everyday.

[SLStyle]

Omg ! You pin pointed my mother exactly ! I’m not crazy !!!! Thank you so much for your video ❤