when BJJ makes you feel regret

About six months ago I had my leg broken during BJJ and a complicated surgery as a result. Here's what happened after the surgery and if I will ever do martial arts again.

---

Welcome to the Martial Arts Journey YouTube channel!

My name is Rokas. I'm a Lithuanian guy who trained Aikido for 14 years, 7 of them running a professional Aikido Dojo until eventually I realized that Aikido does not live up to what it promises.

Lead by this realization I decided to make a daring step to close my Aikido Dojo and move to Portland, Oregon for six months to start training MMA at the famous Straight Blast Gym Headquarters under head coach Matt Thornton.

After six months intensive training I had my first amateur MMA fight after which I moved back to Lithuania. During all of this time I am documenting my experience through my YouTube channel called "Martial Arts Journey".

Now I am slowly setting up plans to continue training MMA under quality guidance and getting ready for my next MMA fight as I further document and share my journey and discoveries.

---

SUBSCRIBE to see when the next videos will come out:

Check the video "Aikido vs MMA" which started this whole Martial Arts Journey:

If you want to support me and this channel on a regular basis check my Patreon page:

[KARATEbyJesse]

Happy to see you back on the mat Rokas! ☺️ ”The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” 🙏 Keep it up!

[KingMob]

Rokas, I've been in the MMA ecosystem since 1997 (longer if you count wrestling and boxing) and I am now an old man. Out of all the people I used to train with, fight for and fight with, there are only about 5% of us left still doing it. Part of the reason I feel I am able to still train, despite training with world champions, pro fighters and world beaters is 1) I rarely went super hard 2) I trained 2-3 a week 3) I took time off when I got an injury.
You obviously have a love for martial arts and losing it will be like losing a piece of yourself, but it is just too much for anyone to train 4-6 days a week for years. Take it down, be a "hobby level" martial artist and understand your still-impressive limitations.
Heal up well and keep going with the channel.

[altaydogahan]

It's all coming full circle... Rokas is going to go back to Aikido as an awoken master.

[kirito]

You're a true warrior who already made notable contribution to martial arts, you deserve our support regardless of where you go from here.

[assass]

I haven't seen updates from this channel in a while, whether because of algorithm or what I'm not sure, but I'm really sorry that happened man, that's gotta be tough, and I relate, although my sport was football not MMA. I was 3 days from starting my first Varsity game when I was in high school when I tore just about every ligament in my leg. Kept me out for a whole season and psychologically I never really recovered so got reduced to second string in my senior year. Nobody ever talks about the psychological toll of serious, potentially career ending injuries. Praying for you dog.

[fightpsych]

That terrible that a “training partner” used Kani Basami during an open mat session.

I feel for you and wish you the best.

Also, I have come to the same realization:
-Training to improve strength and mobility
-Being selective with training partners
-Making peace with martial arts as a hobby

[NerfWarsJuelich]

You and all the other martial arts youtubers I found through the USDC have really helped guide me into a healthy approach to combat sports. I managed to find a kickboxing gym where people are safe and friendly, with a relaxed environment that still allows for plenty of personal challenge.
So if it makes you feel any better, your reports on your injuries have so far helped me avoid such injuries in the first place. Huge thanks for that!

[TheNomadicCat]

One gym brute ....and look at all the pain and time and resources depletion he brought on. Absolutely, if you're not a professional fighter, after such an injury....train/spar only with people you know well. May you have a speedy recovery and continued health, Rokas.

[TheElbowMerchant]

I'm so sorry, man. That's a seriously brutal injury, and what's worse is that it sounds like it could have been avoided if your training partner had more sense and restraint. I've probably suffered more injuries from over-eager sparring and grappling partners than I ever had competing, so I understand it's almost inevitable, but those partners are supposed to help you improve your skills (as you're trying to do the same for them), so it's especially upsetting when it seems like their motives don't align with those principles. I wish you all the best with your continued recovery, Rokas.

[StephaninasAmputeeAdventures]

I'm a black belt whose leg got crippled, then amputated, so I relate to your story. Being a martial artist was part of my identity and I felt lost when I didn't know if I'd ever get that piece of me back. I fought so hard for many years to get back on the mat and discovered that there are a lot of things I can still do, but I have to be a lot more careful about injury. I asked myself why it was so important to me to get back on the mat. Some people do martial arts because of fitness, the comradery, or they like the culture. For me, martial arts makes me feel alive in a way nothing else does, and without that my life doesn't feel complete. I love how both my mind and my body are pushed at the same time, unlike standard exercise. I ended up acknowledging that my former martial arts aren't the best place for me anymore. I started parafencing, because I can push myself to the max without fear of injury and it still has that chess-like strategy that I love from sparring. I'm training for nationals and, despite the grief I went through, I feel happy and complete again. It's hard knowing how to move forward after a major injury. I'd suggest asking yourself what is at the heart of your martial arts journey and why you chose to be on this path in the first place. Once you know those answers, it'll guide your next steps. Best wishes, Rokas!

[obiwanquixote]

As someone who spent a lifetime in martial arts and who had a very similar injury among others and is now past 50, I'll say that there's a huge difference between training as a combat athlete and training as a life long martial artist. The injuries build up, age is a real thing, and you have to approach training differently. The focus becomes consistency and technique. Way better to go 3-4 times a week at 70% intensity for a decade than to take time out due to injuries. Because once you hit mid 30's and especially 40's that downtime you never get back. And you feel those injuries every time it gets cold or rains.

There is a lot of wisdom in TMA approaches. They can keep you strong from the inside out and help you still practice for the long road.

[AC]

rokas, i really recommend starting to lift weights more seriously. it not only strengthens the muscles which supports the joints but also causes growth and strengthening of tendons and bones. i did bodybuilding/strength training for 4-5 years gaining 50 lean lbs before i started grappling, and though i have gotten some acute injuries the general wear on my body is much lower than my peers.
because, think of it like this: if i can build myself up to squat 500 lbs, then my knees are going to be much more durable than someone who buckles under 200 lbs.
in fact, my biggest issue is a recurring shoulder tweak that happens when i DONT lift for a while. lifting really does strengthen your body. if you wish i can share my routine, it's not so much for performance but rather injury proofing.

i also think your new philosophy to training is also very wise, i think you will see that this mindset leads to more sustainability and being able to practice more deliberately. i've been trying to adopt this approach too; many great combat athletes use this, notably GSP and most thai muay thai fighters

[nomad]

I personally don't recommend AG1 as they're going through some scandals through unsure practices. Regardless i love you man and appreciate your work in the Martial Arts community

[GoodandBasic]

Thank you so much for sharing. I have some similar scars. Broke both legs in a motorcycle crash, surgeries on both legs. I had been teaching a high-school martial arts class before the wreck, and it one of the biggest things for me in the recovery was how emasculated I felt. Like many guys, I occasionally will daydream about fending off attackers (fighting off the ninjas or shooter or whatever with objects lying around the room). The thought of these random attackers didn't stop during my recovery, but in all of the daydreams, I lost and was helpless. It was the first time I felt helpless and dependent as an adult. Like you, I am now able to walk and train again, but this taste of weakness and vulnerability has made me much more cautious (no more motorcycles, at least until the kids are grown). Martial arts was largely a power fantasy for me before that point, and this was dispelled. I currently teach a free martial arts class at my church for fun and as a way to give back some of the health, focus, and mentoring I have been given through this practice.

Martial arts are a what, but it is the why that matters and the why that changes with maturity.

I wish you success in your journey.

[leviefrauim]

Recovering from a serious injury such as yours is a long journey. In my aikido training during my 30s, I separated both shoulders and caused damage that took years to fully recover from, even w/surgery.

Then, in my early 60's, a large tumor was found on my hip and that really screwed me up as my femoral nerve was damaged in the process and never recovered. Like you, more than 60% of my frontal thigh and shin area are numb. I walk funny- w/a limp now- because of the surgery which causes my back discomfort and both hips are in constant discomfort.

Martial arts training is long over for me but I continue to work out daily w/rigorous walks and weight lifting. One simply cannot give up or give in.

My best to you on your continued recovery and journey.

[jamestaylor]

I'm 54. This validates my decision to train BJJ almost exclusively with my adult and teenage sons. We love each other and are determined not to injure each other. None of us are in it to be athletes. And they know how to keep my aging body safe. It's the comradery that makes it worth it for us.

[SuperLugwrench]

I actually remember when Kami Basami was still legal in Judo. And in karate. Used it several times. In full contact larate we would do it as a “flying scissor” take down. My father taught it to me when i was a teen. I shiver now thinking how close I came to getting a blown knee, or blowing out someones knee. Man.

[macIain]

Rokas you should continue your Martial Arts Journey by documenting your road to recovery. It would motivate you to keep putting out you tube content, motivate you to get better and your viewers can see how your recovery goes and also your channel and content would help others who maybe have had similar things happen to them. Wishing you a speedy recovery and good health! 🙏

[ynghuch]

Why you didn't sue the guy/gym is beyond me.

Edit: For all you kids who keep commenting but have no idea about the full story. The gym Rokas was at provided no first aid, left him to crawl off the mat and wouldn't call him an ambulance. That's negligence and a waiver won't mean 💩 in court against that. Also, the guy who injured him knowingly did a dangerous and illegal move.

[darylmckay]

Your courage, resilience, and curiosity always astound me, Rokas. You have always owned your own journey ❤